i feel fat.

wait. i am already fat..

.. ok, i feel even fatter.

i don't even know why i am sad/depressed anymore. i lost sight of all the grievances i have. and so has xingg. sometimes i wonder if she understands what i feel. maybe not. cause she isn't me. i got disconnected offline yesterday with the thought maybe i need help. what help, i have no idea. maybe a bullet in my head.. some tweaking maybe... or just a flush to flush everything out?? i don't know. now i know why markk is sick and tired of everything. what's everything? "everything la" yes. that personal relation that i have with him is that strong. i went to bed telling myself, i'll be positive tmr. i'll be happy, or try to be at least.

i woke up energised and ready to go. given my class is at 9 and i quite quick at getting ready, waking up ay 7.40 is giving me ample time to gelek in my activities or to accommodate mishaps. but no, for the 5 time in the row, my male housemate hogged the bathroom for just under an hr. and i was late for class. people who know me in uni know i HATE to be late for class. i hate being punctual too. yes, i am one of those "kiasu" ones that are always early. but the only reason why i am early is because i dont like to rush rush rush and go to class dishelved, and then my state of mind wouldn't be right thereafter. today was even worst because my tutor warned us the week before that anyone who was late today will be barred from entering. so i spent the next hour sitting outside class. i was fuming.

prior to leaving the house, i put a really harsh nickname on my msn directing it at him, thinking i'll be home in the next 3,4 hours to change it. but unexpectedly, i ended up going to the city to buy some presents and then to kiasu's house to help her with her constitutional law paper. so by the time i got home arnd 4ish,5. needless to say my girl housemate saw it and thought it was for her. let's just say it ain't pretty. sighs. honestly how positive can it get? i'm downright miserable.

but anywho. my dinner date proceeded. we went to this italian restaurant and i swear the pple there are the best. the owner is uber hospitable and the pasta.. oooo, the pasta was absolutely awesome... and the desserts was just delightful. i cld have just orgased on the spot. we each had a carbonara penne and we ordered 3 desserts to share between the 2 of us. yes, we were greedy..... we had tiramisu (the cream was whipped to perfection), some nougat gelato thing (which was just acquired taste but nevertheless addictive) and the lemon merguine - which i swear is the best i ever had. the lemon merguine was just...... prepared to perfection. no words can describe it. but it was just orgasmic.

and the dinner came up to $24 per person. which is really worth it because given that tiamos and terrazza (cafes) charge about $24 per person for just a main course. we had main course and 3 desserts!!! it was brilliant. abit steep but since it's a once-in-a-blue-moon thing, why not. the dinner definitely upped my rotten mood abit.

then i attended joy's convo. she looked absolutely stunning with her hair pulled back. tears fell when i recalled how everything was once so smooth going in the house when she was around. how all of us got along together so well. how joy was being joy, in all sense of the word. it was truly an emotional convo for me. stood around, took photos and made small chats with everyone.

i had such a tiring, long day today and i still haven't started on my property assignment. sighs! doesn't mean i can pull it off once with my constitutional paper means i can get away a second time with last minute work. i don't wanna find out. sighs.

tell me, how can i be happier when no matter how i psych myself up, someone/something takes me down again. tell me. i'll give anything a go.

i need a boyfriend.

i look at all the girls around me, xing, mimi, caro, normah, queenin and whoever else around me, and see all happily attached and smitten to bits/blindness.

this is called envy. so what? i am not afraid to admit it. no i don't want any of their guys, no thank you. just one to call my own.

jealousy? maybe. not of them but of their happiness. i want a piece of it to. now don't you dare go saying being jealous and envious is a mean thing to do to friends or their happiness for that matter. come on, don't be one of those fakes like hello kitty is. we're all humans. i am perfectly entitled to feel that way so long as i don't resort to boyfriend-snatching which i won't. that's slutty.

i just need a boyfriend.

maybe then i'll be happy.

The Five Love Languages
My primary love languages are probably
Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

as you can see, rachel is one busy, busy girl. note the dates may 1st to 3rd. arghhhhhh!!!!

some random itsy-bits that's been going on in my life

1. today in property law, after a furious hour of notes-typing, i closed word without saving my file. i swear that everyone who was sitting around me heard a "shhhhhhiiiiiiitttttttt" eminate from my direction. chad saw the expression on my face and burst out laughing.. grrrrr. the next thing i knew i had to beg furiously from kiasu her notes from the lesson.

2. there's this guy i have been seeing in church who reminds me of someone who mattered so much to me in the not-so-distant past. same dress sense (plus fisherman's hat), same physique, same goofy smile, same gait and the same tan. brings back so many bittersweet memories.

3. stress has led to massively red pimple outbreaks on my forehead and chin. i need to hide my face in a paperbag.

4. i did a hardcore weekend of slacking, as usual (when will i ever learn?) and now i have to pay the price - this week i have to complete all tuts, last week AND this week's readings, my property law assignment (which i haven't even looked at) and attend joy's convo. i also hope to go for a coffee/dessert session with tina if i can squeeze the time.

5. i need to file for bankruptcy soon!

6. ceddy is coming in 20 days time. i am so looking forward to him coming. =)

7. i was walking past the guild today and i saw a room up for rent, staying with 3 guys. what caught my eye was the last line in the ad "you should be gay-friendly". i was tempted to tear down the ad, give a ring and look at the place. who knows..... but then, i didn't in the end. come to think of it, i don't know why i gave it a miss. but it's definitely hanging in my head.

8. assignments, more assignments, tests, mid sems, tutorial papers to write.. all coming up! one after the next. when can i be freed of my misery? 4 years time rach, 4 years time!

my current adoration*. this is who i have been perving on in the commonwealth games 2006, melb. the individual 1m and 3m and syncronised diving gold medallist, alexandre despatie. he is drop dead yummy. i want to eat him!! he's only 21! *swoon*

2 nights ago i'd a really weird dream which i shared with markk bro. bitter sweet. in my dream, i dreamt that i was meeting junior for some reason. and before junior left the house to meet me, suddenly my brother asked me if i wanted to go to the driving range with him to hit some golf balls. somehow i have no idea why, but i agreed to go, so i rang junior and asked him if it was ok with him if he came along with us to the driving range. and he said to me "man! i love golf! i use to play it some time back." so i told him to bring along his set so we can all go hit some balls.

so he came with his golf set, looking incredibly cute in his golf attire, polo shirt, berms and white cap. [woah, my dream is THAT vivid]. my brother, junior and i made our way to the driving range. somehow, we saw this shop called "exoticker" and i said i wanted to go in. the shop sold lingerie and sports wear. junior ended up getting a pair of dolce & gabbana sports shorts [i didn't know D&G sold sports wear], i saw this uber cute girls shoes [note: for lil girls] and yeahs, after our super long stopover at exoticker, we reached the driving range. funnily enough, the driving range wasn't the keppel one. it's some driving range i've never ever seen in my life.

and junior put down his golf bag and i realised his golf clubs were for lefties [junior is a right-hander in real life]. and yeah, i was like "you're left handed?!?!?" and he replied "you didn't know?!??" so yah, i didn't know! and then he took out his club and started hitting the balls.. PING! it was straight, fast and far. my brother, who was chatting with other people, turned to watch junior and was so impressed. my dad who arrived at the driving range separately asked me "why did you bring this guy here? is he someone special?" i mumbled something about me meeting him prior to all these sudden arragements so i just thought of asking him along.

and the next thing i knew was my brother, dad and junior started making guys' talk about golf. i don't know where i was then. but the next thing i knew, my dad came over and said to me "well, junior is joining your brother and i fot golf next weekend." all that was in my head was ?!?!!?!?. then i woke up.

markk bro said "junior fits in so well eh". yes bro, yes. he does.

Your 2005 Song Is

Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls "Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me" What happens in 2005, stays in 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

aaron's convo (honours) on march 23. felt so guilty for not making it for his bachelor's convo last year. so i made the extra effort to pop in this time round. i've got a super soft spot for this guy heys. he treats me really well. gonna miss him heaps when he goes back. boo.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Inspiring Others

You are great at developing a vision, and getting others to adopt your way of thinking. You are talented at leading, balancing tasks, and helping people work together. You should major in: Counseling Environmental studies Law Social work Political science Nursing

What Should You Major In?

*to all guys out there, you have been warned. the follow post involves girly things like clothes and more clothes!!

today i had my business history presentation on entrepreneurship and management. went to bed at like 4a.m., crawled out at 7. so you can imagine... i was uber grouchy. face was blacker than pot. the weather has taken a dip for a nice chilly temperature, max of 20 today. so obviously at like 7.30 in the morning, i was straining hard to think what to wear for my presentation. i did't want to wear my usual black and white combi - it's so lawyerish, dull and overly formal. but neither did i wanna go in one of my funky skirts and depend on my accessorising to jazz the outfit up. to begin with, i wasn't even in the mood for all that. so i decided on my babyy pinkk trousers, white shirt with faint pink/beige stripes and a black vest. and i totted off to uni in pumps too.

i think i looked sooooooooooooooooooo different from my usual mini skirts, micro shorts and NUM tees. haha. everyone looked quite surprised.

my presentation went worrying-ly horrible. i was stopped twice during my presentation and had negative questions posed at the end of it. firstly, i was stopped for being too fast (oh-o!). then he stopped me and asked me "i don't think you have every done this unit/topic before right?" oh my goodness, i almost ran into the wall and bang my head. at the end of my presentation, he went like "so.... is that your conclusion?" D.I.E. and he said "before i wrap up, i want to ask you a question. you seemed a little confused. what is the difference between risk and uncertainty?"

like ?!?!?!!? i ALMOST burted out "aren't they the same?" haha, thank GOD i held my tongue. honestly i was racking my poor frazzled brains.. so i started talking gibberish about risk and uh-huh! suddenly lightning struck me and so i gave the most intelligent answer of the century (i think!): risk is when you are aware of the possible consequences that lies ahead but you choose to proceed with it and hope for the best. the difference between that and uncertainty is that uncertainty is like one dark tunnel. you cannot even see what is before you and what are the consequences but you choose to venture in the dark. so you don't even know whether the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa. in risk, you are aware but choose to proceed anyways.

woohoo! i shld be wearing the motar board now! haha. kidding. i think i manage to redeem myself there. my lecturer was like "clever answer indeed." phew! i cld have just done the penguin kicks. like the one augustine does at NUM! hahaha. yeahs. and he wasn't too impressed my conclusion too. boo. then he said to me "i don't think you have done this before right?" i was like "oh man! am i that lousy that it's so obvious?" so i mumbled about how i do law/economics and i don't major in marketing or management so i have never done such a topic/unit and this is my first time and i tried really hard.. and blah blah blah" and he told me he could tell that i knew the theories and principles (coz i read all of them) but i wasn't capable of explaining them (because i didn't study them in detail). but honestly, i told ceddy, i actually read all 21 books/articles relating to this unit in 2,3 days! i hadn't touched one bit of law but all i have been doing is facing these articles and stacks of books relating to this topic.

tired. really tired. so i approached him with caution, asking him when the grades will be posted up. i was thinking since i was the first to go in the round of presentations, he will wait till everyone is done with their before posting the results up. but he told me "i've graded you already. i've given you 80%. it was an extremely credible effort for a difficult and tedious topic, something you've never done before. you tackled the question well even though you didn't know the technical definitions but you displayed understanding of the 2 words through your own command of the language."

woohoo!! i got my first HD for the sem. considering i will be penalised for the constitutional law paper, i'll need all the marks i can get to pull up my overall weight average. aaron's convo tonight. i felt guilty i didn't go for louis' convo the night before. too busy, too stressed. it's a day off for me today!!! tmr the property law assignment will be handed out! arghhhh! for now, i shall bask in my.. er... day off.

the photos here look so much more dull because this was taken at some weird hour of the night. but nevertheless, this is the new arrangement. come to think of it, i kinda miss the old look now. haha.

this is the old arrangement of my room. markk misses this arrangement. *grins* it looks really bright and cheery because i took the photos in the day time.

had the most hellish few days in a long time.

on early monday morning, i took some flu medication which completely knocked me out, causing me to sleep past my consitutional law paper submission deadline. the usual law school practice was that any late submissions will be penalised by 5% for every day late. however, for constitutional, any late submission will be refused and there after awarded 0. i was distraught. this is my first time ever i had overslept.

appeals to the law admin didn't see to work. mind you, it's just the admin! finally i left them my paper and i told them i will ring my tutor up. spoke to him a few hours later in which he said he will review my paper, subjected to penalties, which was fine with me, so long as he doesn't give me 0. i even offered to write another paper for him. thankfully he didn't ask me too, i saw this round's paper and my eyes went POP! i am extremely fortunate to have written the first round of papers.

the next day, my tutor spoke to me further (my tutor's some big shot working with the attorney-general of WA). he told me he wouldn't give me a zero nor would he punish me by writing another paper [earlier, i gave the analogy to bro that writing a normal paper was like shitty enough, as if you have been run down by a car. BUT writing a constitutional law paper is like being involved in a plane crash. VERY dramatic.]. however, he told me he will penalise me for my late submission by 5%. yeahs, i'm a lil sad but did i honestly think i'll get away scott free? definitely i'm thankful enough.

i've got a presentation due tmr morning. i didn't know it was worth so much of my grades! oh-o! and i chose the mose difficult topic without realising it. the only reason why i picked "entrepreneurship and management" to present was because i wanted to get it over and done with. but i forgot this 2 weeks is graduation week and my friends graduating.. they want me to go! so i have convos + coffee appts tonight and tmr night and another 2 more nights next week!! it's so crazy!! everyone is graduating it's saddening. next year will be worse. EVERYONE i met in orientation years ago will be there except kiasu and i. boohoo. looks like i have many years of attending other pple's convo before i attend my own.

the weather here today is definitely very shocking. after a few days of extremely high temperature, today was like a chilling low 20s! right now as we speak, the temperate is hovering around 18 or so. nice! even my knee length skirt didn't protect me from the chills today.

i better start on my presentation because i aim to finish three quarts of it before i meet the guys for convo!!

and oh my goodness, i think zhiyang of campus superstarr is hell cute. sheesh, and did i mention he is only 16? but he's definitely adorable.

the fever and migrains are returning. i don't think it's because i'm lacking in sleep or fluids, i'm getting plenty of those two for sure. perhaps it's depression or stress related. i don't know.

todayy was pretty mundane. i went to the city with mimi in the morning to just walk around. looking for a chocolate brown top to match my brown leather pumps. hoping to wear that next thursday when i go out with marc for coffee. yeps, i've got a date, a coffee date that is. bumped into him while chasing the bus to go garbo on thursday evening. he was running after another bus and our paths crossed. :) so we arranged to meet for coffee next thursday after he attends a friend's convo at uwa. i'm also attending louis' convo on wednesday. hopefully i can squeeze time out because my business history research presentation is due on thursday morning!

after the city, i'd initially planned to go to the law libraryy to find some research materials for my constitutional law paper which is due on monday. however, after such a filling (and not to mention, satisfying) lunch, i knocked out completely on the bus back. so i decided to head home to nap. but i ended up chatting with mark briefly. it was good. i hadn't spoken to him that much in awhile, honestly. and i'm very glad we talked. both of us have just been so busy and preoccupied with our own stuff. miss you bro. :)

had my dinner and then started doing my monetary economics tut. took me ages to complete it when it shouldn't have. was chatting with my childhood friend, yeeling online. ling and i go back ages.... like back in those days of uncle ismail's swimming classes at keppel. i was no older than 4 or 5. honestly, one of the best catch ups i've had online.... she and i had so many stories to swap, so many memories to share, memories that neither she nor i thought each other will remember but we did. if only all worthwhile friendships remain that sturdy over the years.

so yeps.. finally i have made a start on my constitutional law paper. it's on constitutional history and evolution. tell me, honestly, how much more boring can the topic get? it's such an pain in the arse to research such a topic!! but yeps. i'm hoping to get half of it done by tonight before calling it a day. hopefully! i still have piles and piles of readings to do. *groans* i hate uni. i do.

[P.S. sorry to the 235guys for such a lame version of your sexay poses]

this is what i do when i feel lame. my very own version of 235guys (or rather, girl.. ) hehe!! check out the newurbanmale hotties @ http://235guys.blogspot.com. free advertising here! hehe.

sometimes i don't know why i even care. tears are threatening to spill over as i am typing this. recently, a good friend of mine had undergone some changes, changes which intially seemed ok to me, i even thought perhaps it will do it some good. however from my view point of it all, in the last one, two weeks, i thought that he had changed for the extreme. so i said something.

now, i am usually not a person who will tell other people, or enforce my thoughts upon them, what i think unless i felt that there is a dire need to or simply because i care. in this instance, i cared for him way too much. i realise that there's so much "niceness" that you can inject into the telling-off for it to work. if someone is way too tactful, the other party might even miss the point of it all. so i admit, i did assert certain points across which he got utterly displeased about. hence we've stopped communication. is it a good thing or bad thing? i don't know.

he says i don't understand him... in this exact aspect, i would like to rebutt it. understanding someone need not necessarily mean the person shares the same viewpoint/ideas about a certain thing (although it will greatly help). understanding someone else just needs you to be put in their situation and seeing it from their point of view. in my humble opinioin, i know i understand exactly what he is going through, because i am at that similar junction as him in life. where everything is about shitty problems and shitty people that come with it. i went drinking last weekend, and damn, it felt good to be piss drunk for awhile. however, how he and i handle the problems thereafter seem to differ. so with my example, after i got over my hangover, i look to other things to try settle the shitty problems, while he will go back to drinking. or whatever he does to numb the problems. so it becomes a vicious cycle of numbing his problems. thats where our handling of the problems taper off. does it make me love him any less? no. which is probably why i said so much to begin with.

i'm lost about whats going on in his life. so would i rather know whats going on in his life (and disapprove of it but say nothing) or just continue the cold war? a very wise and dear friend of mine said this to me "there are some things in life about your friends/family/siblings that you can never accept. your views and theirs difer greatly. but whats important is you tell them what you think without imposing, forcing or putting them down and once you said it, just leave it. whatever decision they make thereafter, just be there to support them." and it's so true. so maybe i did stuff up alittle, i'm just learning, growing and trying. hence, to answer the question posed at the beginning of the paragraph, i would rather know what is going on in his life and say nothing anymore.

i think what really hurt me was to see the comments he wrote to a friend of his about me not understanding. i try.... so i just wanna say i'm sorry to him and that when his anger dissipates in time, to come look for me. coz i will be there for him always.

a collage of the people who have made an impact in my life and are important to me. love all you of you much. you make me what i am today.

i truly hate tuesdays. i never did complete my readings/work and woke up feeling awful. dragging myself to school in anticipation for my long day, the first lecture of the day spelt trouble. my head was spinning and i was seeing triple images of my lecturer. bu the 3rd class, i couldn't even pronounce my name properly. they asked us to introduced ourselves. somehow or another, i was so spaced out that "rachel" seemed to have come out as "way-chi" or something to that effect. it was awful!! thank god for a break after my 3rd consecutive class... kiasu and i headed to the reid library cafe to have lunch and recharge our laptops. mine was officially dead.

sushi, pasta and an ice choc didn't even seem to satisfy any craving nor refresh me. constitutional law was pure torture. i have a paper due on monday which i know nuts about - constitutional history.. come on, who actually thinks that shiat is interesting? pulease! by the end of the first hour of lecture, half the lecture theatre was sleeping behind their laptops. and of course, i'm no exception. i never miss out on these fun group activities. sleeping behind my laptop comes so naturally to me.

it was so dreadful a day i just had to head to the city to do some retail therapy. spent some hardcore $$ getting some autumn/winter stuff that will fit me at last. shan't complain. some of the money comes from my savings... after that, since retail theraphy didn't entire heal me from the trauma i had today, i adjourned to some hardcore grocery shopping. honestly, i adore grocery shopping to bits... strolling down the aisle, looking for discounted items, seeing whats there offered.... poking here and there, that was the end to my therapy session. i'm seriously zonked. i have a whole shiatload of work to do... readings, note editing, tutorials and yadda yadda. but no, time out for me tonight. HOPEFULLY, really hopefully, i can wake up in time to do some of it. it's another f. long day for me tmr. i wanna make it out alive!!

don't you just hate it when you wild away the weekend, putting off all your work saying "i'll do it tmr" only to realise everything is due on the same day? argh, yes i f.hate it.

i've got this equity tut due tmr, 2 case readings of 100+ pages accompanied by their case analysis! not only did it take me 2 hours to trudge through just one pathetic case, my eyes are already shutting before i read the second case. did i also mention i have about 260 pages of reading to complete by tmr before my equity and constutional lectures? i just feel like slapping myself up, down, left, right and centre for all those procastination over the weekend. tonight is gonna be one hell of a long night.

anyways. yesterday i had a bitching session online with a couple people. someone made a dear friend of mine cry. honestly. to that bloody someone: nobody makes my friends cry, you hear me? you'll be fucking sorry you ever thought you can get away with playing with fire. your balls (if you have any) will be fucking burnt to ashes. if you wanna look for trouble, then go ahead and be the plastic two-faced whoring scumbag that you are.

oh a slightly less-aggressive note, i bummed into chad again outside the reid library today. woohoo! he is looking so cute in jeans. yes, that sounds funny but i've never seen him in jeans, just like everyone else not seeing in jeans. *hehe* only difference is that i just don't wear them. maybe i shld just ask him out for coffee sometime soon. after all, fate has it that not only are we in the same tutorial for constitutional law, we are also randomly allocated the same papers to write for it!! i checked the list, no one is allocated the same papers except for us. how rad is that. haha. i think it's just me and my over-analytical mind - moulding something out of nothing.

yes! before i forget. i so have to say this!! my monetary economics tutor is younger than me and has never ever done the unit ever before! this is like f. horrifying lor. but poor guy... i don't think anyone will be attending his tut. we finished our tut in like a record time of 15mins today! hmmm, he sorta reminds me of my ex next-wall-neighbour though. one of those toot-looking baby faced guys who have almost zero sense of style.

i think i better scoot off to do do. hopefully this week wouldn't be as shitty as the last. my first paper is due next monday!! argh! S.T.R.E.S.S!

today was one of those just unproductive days. went to the city after class while nursing a massive hangover to get kiasu's house warming present. met up with kiasu, her housemate and chad. after a really engaging chat at her new place, we all proceeded to dinner at this viet place. love the beef rice noodles!

i reckon jeff will be proud of me. i went dinner with chad!! i mean, yeahs.. i do have a really soft spot for him. it's been the case first year when i first laid my eyes on him. he's really lovable in a boyish way - he's a twink. we had a really good time. the soft spot never really quite disappears. i really hope we can have more future dinner dates, sincerely. however, no one can replace the extremely special place *he has in my heart. but i need to get on with my life. i cannot spend my entire life falling for guys who just don't even look at girls twice. getting on with knowing guys who are within my jurisdiction might sound like a good idea.

i am extremely tired. i think i better check myself into amy's bed. i'm not sleeping at my place because of a massive cricket on the loose in my room somewhere. yawns. tmr is another one of those unproductive days. i better buck up. big time.

i had so many grievances i wanted to burn. so i actually took up the offer to go drinking on a thursday. this is really rare because i don't even take offers on the weekend, let alone a f. weekday whereby i have class the next day!

mimi and i were suppose to meet her (hot, so she claims) italian housemate, alessandro and friend @ the deen. however, when we were making our way there, we heard my humps playing from the mustang bar... and it seemed like the entire northbridge was in there! mimi rang alessandro only to realise the deen was empty.... except for ales and friend. so we headed in to the mustang bar.

so what if we're the only ching chong gals there? back off! we're here to have fun drinking and chilling! we knew we were in the right place when dont'cha and run it followed after my humps. great music and the drinking was on! subsequently, a live band took to the stage and started jamming. not bad, but my attention was on the alcohol. so maybe i had alot of grievances to burn, i certainly didn't have too much money to burn, which unfortunately i did actually burn after all. i think at the end of the night, i lost track of what i actually drank (and the costs too) - 2 vodka cranberries, 6-8 midori illusion shots [mimi and i shared a shaker], 1 white russian, 1 pink pussy, 3 tequila shots and dunno what else... did i also mention, mimi was a HUGE hit with those old hairy white men.

well, you can say we were wasted. MB kicked everyone out at 1am and honestly, this is the first time i'm glad it closes early. anymore and i'll be sitting by the pavement and filing for bankruptcy. finally had a chance of meeting mimi's housemate and if i didn't find him cute/hot when i'm half-gone.. i doubt he can be very much cuter/hotter when i'm sober. hahaha. but as a sideline, i like his blood red polo tee.

i was toooo wasted to go home so mimi and i (and ales) barged our way into their house and well, i just stripped and then slept on mimi's bed. ahhhh. the first time since i came back that i had an actual proper sleep!! all thanks to the alcohol! brillant. i shld drink more then. of course my grievances didn't just disappear like that *snaps fingers* but i definitely feel a whole lot better than the "ready to kill" mood.

whoever said thursdays were boring??

i having the most dreadful, awful week ever. shit after shit after shit thrown at me. it's suffocating me and like i told mimi, if someone chucks at me shit now, i will seriously snap, make whoever so sorry he/she ever said anything... i am in a mood ready to kill. i may be extremely tolerant but don't push it and fuck with me. if you do, i'll screw you to the moon and back and have you begging. i'll personally stuff the damn lampost up your ass. i f.hate people who take the advantage of the fact that i often keep quiet and not make my grievances known. i have reached boiling point limit. anything more and the sight ain't gonna remain pretty.

anyways. as a sideline, today was so drama. i was sitting at the reid library cafe doing some discussions with kiasu [another code name]. and then these 4 police officers came through and approached some man. they had his arms on the glass window to search him. out came the wallet, belt, shoes and dunno-what-nots. pretty interesting. more police came and more interrogation. in the end, he was led away. poor guy, all he was doing prior to that was eating his sandwich and drinking his lemonade. moral? the police strikes when you least expect it. the next time you're sitting down having a sandwich and drinking soda, you might just very well get arrested...

the 2nd week of school hasn't even ended and my brand new highliter which i'd purchased on the first day of school... it's used up already! this shows how "hardworking" i am... [actually i was colouring some blank paper.] buying highliters is an expensive hobbyy, and definitely not fun. bleahs.

let me please repeat myself for all you forgetful people (including myself). please don't tell me i didn't make myself clear when you suffer: "don't fuck with me or i'll screw you to the moon and back... don't fucking try coz it ain't gonna be pretty."

playing plastic is fun! oh my goodness! i forgot how fun it is! *claps hands and prances around* for a moment, i think i am blonde. [oops, no offence to the blondes out there] if only i cld achieve barbie's looks/figure while being plastic AND blonde.

did you know barbie's full name is barbara millicent.. er.. something? i forgot the last name. oops! ahh, google informs me her last name's ROBERTS! so it's barbara millicent roberts. i didn't know that till i read the book of trivia which is in my toilet! yes..... being totally bimbo. *more hand clapping and more prancing*

favourite plastic phrases of the day:
"oh my goodness, thats so cool!" - thinking: right.
"let's lunch together!" - thinking: dammit. how do i get out of this.
"that is so cute/funny" - thinking: spare me all that rubbish.

ok, not only is this bimbo, i am getting uber bitchy.

as you can see, my love life is pretty crapped up. 2.9.. tsk, that's pathetic. but then again, it does accurately sum up my love life (or the non-existence of it). maybe 2.9 is even overrated! haha!

anyways. i think i just found out perhaps i'm not as forgiving as i shld be. people who know the 'hello kitty' incident will know what i mean. ['hello kitty' is a code name] now she wants to be "best" friends and self-invites? i'm honestly like what the hell. no, i will be nice. she is making the effort so i should. or else..... i'm the bloody bad person once again. arghh. i fucking hate these situations.

the workload is ridiculous and i'm falling behind already. it's only the second week you know!! and tuts haven't even started. yes, i am so pathetic and hopeless. tsk. by the way, normah is going back to KL to study. it's hugely saddening - she was like one half of my best galfriends in perth. she will be returning back at the end of the week.

yes, which also reminds me, about *him. i sent off the parcel of stuff i got for him today. i had a rude shock - the postage (including the box) came up to AUD$26! to think that i felt so heartpain for my dad this semester, the total damage i incurred for my textbooks hit AUD$600 this sem! *faints* and there i am spending 70odd on some guy whom i know i'm in a lose-lose situation for? what the hell is wrong with me??? dammit. i'm so messed up.

maybe i don't even deserve 2.9 in my life ratings on 'love'. i don't deserve anything or anyone.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	6.4
Body:	7.3
Spirit:	7.5
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	2.9
Finance:	6.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

the venue for my bday celebration for 2006 has been set and decided: YNOT @ tanjong pagar. yes, you heard it right, ynot. it'll be a combined bday celebration with my beloved brother, markk. i know most of you people won't be keen on it but it'll be greatly appreciated if you guys cld come. =)

today markk and i had a lil discussion online. more like me trying to put across what i thought, but failed rather miserably. initially i thought mark and jeff were worried about me, not meeting new straight guys and stuff. so i tried telling mark that there's nothing to worry about. i'm honestly happy the way i am, being a fag hag. i love hanging out with them. they are extremely dear to me in a special and unique way, not because they are different in preferences but because they accept me for who i am and we can bitch about almost anything together. nevertheless, i still love my galfriends and G to bits. but straight guys and i.... we don't have the best run-ins at the moment. i'll be more than happy to celebrate my bday at ynot with my dear friends for those who wanna come.

don't think i did too good a job of trying to relay what i thought to mark, there was some tension floating around, but mark's advice to me?

Mighty Mark - da ditchdog barks : it is clubbing night round 2! later! [www.sillypore.com] says:
wad i can say is..
Mighty Mark - da ditchdog barks : it is clubbing night round 2! later! [www.sillypore.com] says:
remember wad i wrote. love is not exclusive from a partner.
Mighty Mark - da ditchdog barks : it is clubbing night round 2! later! [www.sillypore.com] says: allow love to come from all ways. frens n family spread out.
Mighty Mark - da ditchdog barks : it is clubbing night round 2! later! [www.sillypore.com] says: so u dont rely on love from one solo person which alweays ends up increasing one's expectations and its all shit thereafter

and i know what you mean bro. i'd been there before. when the person breaks your heart, you're screwed for a long time to come. love does flow all ways in my life. i'm ever so grateful for the most doting and loving parents one cld have, with caring aunts too. and my galfriends, xing, caro, mimi, queenin and even chun, they are precious. i'm just selective about friends so i don't have many. but those close to me, are indeed very close. like you. =) love is given freely to those i deem to be worthy of it and hopefully, in time, the love given will be reciprocated. thank you for sharing words of wisdom to me. i hold it to my heart dearly.

anyways. today i headed to the beach today. lesson learnt: never put sunscreen on your back and forget to put on the front. plus, don't scratch with your sunscreen-smeared hands. i've got a burnt front and a fair-looking back PLUS patches of handprints which are unaffected by the sun due to the sunscreen i'd left on the skin when i scratched. horrendous. mimi got her foot kicked by some dude in the water - we ended up at sir charles gardner A&E because she cldn't walk. thankfully, nothing's broken. killed quite a few hours at the hosp. now it's time for some cramming before catching some winks.

the powers *he has over me. sigh. some things i can never understand about myself. *he had asked me to buy something for *him from australia that singapore doesn't have. since i've been here, i've been looking out for it. finally found what i was looking for today. after msging *him back and forth, i settled for getting that thing + something else, amounting to a neat AUD $50. *he said *he'll pay me back, but honestly, i wldn't accept the money. because it's *him. sucker right.

i've been here for a week already but i still can't seem to get *him out of my head. i miss *him horribly. reckon i'm almost on the path to self destruction. i know i'm in a 100% lose-lose situation. why is it so hard to let go? *slaps myself*

hadn't done any work today. uber pissed with myself. i thought i'll be able to clear abit of work but never manage too. caught Just Like Heaven off the network starring reese witherspoon. i have always considered her my favourite actress and she didn't let me down as usual. such a sweet movie. went out with mimi for dinner and given my uber PMSy mood, we headed for some good steak at hog breath's. after that, i tried meeting up with jeff's didi, tommy. however, plans of going with tommy and friend for drinks at the pub turned sour when mimi and i were disallowed entry because we were in thongs. bleah.

somehow along the way, we were given free tickets to metro, the largest R&B club in perth. i'm actually tired of clubbing but since we had tickets and mimi really wanted to go, i relented. the crowd was utterly disappointing - the club was so sparse! initially the DJ spun pretty raunchy hits - i like - however the latter part of my stay was sprinkled with non-engaging tracks. the experience was AWFUL. BUT!! if there's anything positive from my brief visit at metro, yes, the bartenders. there were these 2 dreadfully cute bartenders, both of a darker skin tone, probably having some kiwi blood. they are soooooooooooo cute. i like the one with a little more "bah". yummay!! they, were probably the only reason why i stayed for almost an hour and a half. we headed for BBT after that before heading home.

i am nursing a killer migrain. tmr's another day i won't be doing any work. i wanna wring myself. will be heading to the beach. i can't do much tanning because of personal, or maybe not, reasons *ahem* unfortunately but mimi wanna go so.... yeahs. will be heading down to the beach. hopefully i'll get some stuff done on sat night and on sunday!

constitutional law is the worst unit that has ever come my way. i have no interest in finding out how politics and law marries one another. this sem is gonna be pure torture. i also feel odd being the only asian in business history. isn't it enough i am one half of the international student population in my year for law? now i'm the only black head in businesS HIsTory too? sheesh. ok, i'm gonna say this once and only once, thank GOD for monetary econs, i got the "welcome back to earth" feeling - there's a balance percentage of blondes, brunettes and blackheads. i mean, no offence, i'm not discriminatory. i love the locals for their heck-others and boisterous attitudes but man, as if i don't stick out enough like a sore thumb already. i like to mix around, ya know.

missing markk bro and jeff heaps. tears rolled down my cheeks when i was talking to mark earlier. this is bad. sigh. how to be strong? how? i miss being hugged and "cuddled" in a way. i miss that feeling so much. not even a week has passed, let alone 4 odd months. boo.

i have taken ill again. should have seen the signs - lethargy and grouchiness towards mimi. true enough, in no time, i was running a temperate and having an intense migrain. a nap didn't help but drowning myself in panadol extra did. i have to finish Barton v Armstrong before i can sleep. equity lecture tmr!