he loves to eat fish. seriously. he loves to eat fish. just like me. everyone who knows me knows i cannot live without fish.

as if this has not freaked me enough, this has been the past 4 days happenings:

sunday: we both wore white tees to church. no biggie really.

monday: we went shopping @ garbo. last minute decision where i tried on a limegreen blackless halter gown for him.

tuesday: the uni main lib had some fire drill and i was sitting outside whilst on the mobile with kiasu when he walked by. he was wearing a pink tee and black berms. i, was in a pink striped top and black berms. ok... this is getting a lil weird. totally unplanned bumping into him and wearing similar colours.

wednesday: this is where it gets totally out of hand. we arranged to meet to go subi to see if we can find our stuff. rang him up after class to arrange to meet him @ 12. today i was in an orange mossimo polo and the usual black shorts with the esprit white belt. he told me he was on the oak lawn. as i was walking there, i had this naggy feeling something was going on. the next thing i knew. i realise he was wearing an identical orange polo with black berms. i was reeling in shock. like hello, i can understand if we both wear white. but orange???

i am spooked, seriously. maybe i am still thinking too much. i reckon markie bro thinks so. sighs. i have been running from the situation too long. i know he's a top guy and is extremely likeable, but does anyone seriously believe me when i say all i adore him as is as a friend??

just when i found out he loves fish as much as i do...

it all ends, just as suddenly as it began.

which number did i stop at?

15. he thinks korean soap dramas are a waste of time. like duh? (sorry to all soapy people!)
16. always find excuses to buy new clothes, like a dress shirt for A.S.I.A cocktail. hehe, i also think i need something new for norm's wedding. :P
17. shopping with him is awesome because we agree on the same things - same taste in clothes!
18. book shops, like boffins, we like!
19. his idea of interior decor of his dream house is contemporary. i'm liking it.
20. he is a self-confessed junk whore. that makes the two of us. =)

these few days have been crazy. we have been bumping into each other in uni without even arranging to meet at all. monday - at the guild. tuesday - @ 9a.m in the reid library. ended up getting coffee and he came back to uni after work at 4pm to keep me company to do assignment till 9pm. wed - more bumping at the guild and a short assignment cramming session. thurs - i went to look for him @ work during his 15min work break. friday - we arranged to go shopping. didn't manage to find what we want but it was good. today - nothing. haha. didn't see him.

it's all so dodgy. in His time, in His time.. that's all i can say. for now, too many people disturbing me. hehe. just friends ok.. good friends who like mucking around.

it's been a while since i've updated. nothing new uni wise other than mucked up exams and last minute cramming assignments.

J... that's pretty much what's been going on. the past week, study break, has been one hellava ride. we have had misunderstandings after misunderstandings, and then making up after that. pretty much kept in touch with him throughout the week.... got to know him alot better.

it scares me. he's nothing quite like i've met before. he's so like me... yet so unlike me. did i also mention that he's younger and a ladies' man? let's try listing some of the similarities.

1. he loves polos. massive polo collection like i have. all sorts of colours.
2. he's a beemer person. oh, that's so me.
3. he wants 12 kids!! it's been my dream for ages, yeah xing?
4. same taste in scent, we're so loving kenneth cole fragrance.
5. he drools heaps when he sleeps. just like me.
6. he likes his partner tan. i'm allergic to fair guys (other than for bestie, G!).
7. a major procastinator: shares the same motto as me "hardwork pays off later, laziness pays off now".
8. he loves garfield as a kid. i still do actually.
9. we love statement tees!!
10. he's so asian yet so non-asian. just like people think i'm ABC.
11. we muck arnd like crazy but beneath it all, its as serious as russian roulette.
12. he loves GOD fiercely. i like and respect.
13. he loves his flip flops. i cannot live without mine too.
14. we wanted to be high school drop outs. now, what do you know, we're in the same uni!

he's so like me. it scares me.
i must stickwitu.

life is cruel.

one moment, things are looking up.

the next, i get plunged back into darkness.

i know i have no one else to blame but myself for mucking up.

gosh. i really hate myself. now i know why sometimes i just grab my own neck wanting to wring the daylights out of myself.

i know what it is.

i am a hazard to myself, completely destroying whatever's left between J and I.

it hurts so deep, when he's nothing quite i've ever seen before. he's so like me, yet so unlike me.

but i mucked it up.

if anyone told me 24 hours ago that i'll be talking to J online and then waking up at 5am just to have 6.30am brekkie with him at maccas in the city, i would have just protest it's the most far-fetched, craziest, out of the world thing ever. and that's precisely what happened.

i am still reeling in shock from the day's turn of events. basically the "journey" of getting to know J has been a really bumpy one but finally got on each other's msn. He came online around, like, 11ish and we were talking since. He's really witty and sharp tongued - but seems like i got him a couple times. Haha. i was empathising with his 8am lab on Fridays and jokingly asked if he was a brekkie person. He said depends and i joked that he would get his bum to the city at 6 to have brekkie. And he took it for real. i said i was crazy to be suggesting it and he said he was even crazier accepting it.

the next thing i knew, i was crawling out of bed @ 5am and making my way down to meet him @ 6.30am. there was an early bus that brought us to our destination. how amazing!! hehe, i was so grouchie and i ended up going to the wrong maccas. it was so funny. i reckoned both of us looked so stoned at the brekkie table though we tried our best to make small talk. considering i only had 3 hours of sleep, i don't think i went to well. but oh wells.

after that, we caught the bus to like uni and i walked him to his human movement lab thingy. was suppose to stay in uni to do some research for my international trade research paper that i am doing with ash, but my dad texted me asking me to come back at 10.30. so in the end, i ended up bussing back with J too.

somehow, what turned out to be a thank you sms to J spiraled into a whole arvo sms-ing thing. its just odd how things work out. and whats even funnier is he never fails to surprise me. maybe my assumptions about him were too general, vague, presumptious.... but yes, there is certain about him that seems to set him apart from other younger guys i've met. intriguing. he'll make an excellent friend. =)

oh, and he's turning 19 this sunday. i got him this "anti-hangover" supplement thingy (coz he suspects his friends wants to get him piss drunk and he isn't keen on it) and this pair of "thumb thongs" from the body shop. it assists in giving good massages. haha. nothing too flash, no point. just a lil something for a new friend. awesome.

the trust presentation is finally over. phew. definitely most nerve wreaking. it didn't go as well as we have hoped for, really sorry beth and sieu for letting you guys down!! anyways. the night before i went for angelina's birthday dinner - happy belated (20 + x) birthday angelina! most of the people in her cell manage to go for it which is cool. we had dinner at sienna's and then some of us headed for coffee @ cafe130. let's just say that was a moment of confessions for me.

i found it really hard to say the stuff i said but i am really grateful that it was them i was sharing with and not like.. umm... some people who force stuff out of others. donna and minh were (and are) awesome people. really glad to have them as my friends and leaders, even after the camera-dropping incident (it was minh's camera that crashed to the ground).

anyways, what's with me and younger guys? i bumped into milo yesterday and we talked animatedly for like 40mins... he's heaps cute and then turns out that he's turning 19 this year? which means..... he is still 18! *faints* ash reckons i shld knock all these younger guys out of my head. part of me would like to think that maybe they are more mature than they are. but like, hello, based on experience, if guys my age or a couple years older aren't mature enough, what are the chances of someone younger being mature?

no offence to all younger guys out there, i am sure there are the odd 1 or 2 guys who may and will prove me wrong, but until some guy convinces me otherwise, i stand by my opinion. which is kinda sad, because i am really fond of someone younger. he's really quick and witty, which i like. but first things first, i need to sever the soul ties holding me back. minh aliterated the nasty truth that i have been playing hide and seek with for so long - the emotional ties has to be cut. it's hard.... but i am gonna try. it's about time i got over you.

sure, you make me smile like no one else can make me. sure, you chase away the darkness i see when i am down. sure you make everything seem so right. sure, i think of you when i listen to those sappy cheesy songs but i cannot go on leading a lie.

time will only tell when i am over you.

sitting in the computer science lab, T not too far away from me. had lunch with him in the city because i wanted to view cameras. long story behind it. basically, i knocked into someone unknowingly who in turn collided with our friend who was holding a camera. needless to say, he dropped it and the whole world *literally* gasped so loudly it was deafening. feeling so guilty, i ended up with a sleepless night and going to the city to see if i can get a replacement.

anyways. jade's farewell party was on saturday. a whopping 200 people squeezed into one lil house. and i got talking to jeremy. he is every bit gorgeous and charming as i thought of him to be. only problem is. i was talking to him when i collided into the friend sparking the whole camera-dropping, people-gasping incident. totally blew my chance with him. sighs. i think he thinks i'm such a clumsy chor-lor gal now. dang. *bangs head on the wall* he seems to be super fond of tina too, not to mention.

in addition, been rushing my trusts presentation and hanging out at st geoges heaps. realised maybe its a mistake on my part years ago when i chose not to move to st georges to stay. it's an awesome place and it's been even more awesome hanging out with my new friends amos and milo. yah, you read it right, the dude's name is milo. how cute is that... he's every bit as cute as that too...

people are streaming into the computer lab staring at me now. their class is starting and i'm some weirdo typing away, looking totally NOT part of the class. catch up with everyone soon yahs. miss xing heaps. *muack*