its night and i'm still hungover.

gotham sucked. despite raving reviews from friends, yours truly was horribly disappointed. all chicks, no guys, horrible R&B, no one dancing, bartenders with blonde hair who speaks chinese, long queues of alkie-thirsty chicks. you go figure. mimi and i were so bored with our 5-7 shots we asked one of the ahbeng bartenders what was their most deadly concoction. his reply: 3 wisemen - jack daniels + jim beam + tequila. so it was on. $14 per shot - for something which tasted highly unpleasant but had the desired effect. in our moment of craziness, at 12.10am, we hopped on a cab to Mohd Sultan, our much-loved cheekymonkey. for a cover charge of $10, it's hell worth it. more shots, more drinks and you got me on the podium pole-dancing. yes. horrors. but dammit, i love poles. *winks*

hooked up with this awfully cute guy. at first glance, pple think he's chinese. but his accent gives him away, he is malay. i caught almost every detail of us other than his name. yes, his f.name! ooo, details i shan't go into here but only mark bro knows about. haha. he's really boyishly cute. sighs....... i'm missing him already. by the time mimi and i stumbled out, mimi was a tad too gone to take a cab home alone. so i bundled her into a cab, got the cabbie to drop her off first and then myself. the cab fare amounted to a neat $26. sigh!!

got home feeling awful. too much drinks. tsktsk. had a really haphazard shower because i cldn't coordinate properly but refuse to go to bed smelling of smoke. woke up at 8.50 am feeling worse for wear, a major migrain + the urge to puke. manage to settle back into some fitful sleep. when i got up, had lunch and went off to meet xing at the club. wanted to nua at the jacuzzi. weighed myself too - the xmas season + alcohol isn't doing any favours. when walking out of keppel, this car stopped and the windows rolled down. this guy, whom i discovered is called shao, offered us a lift which i'd graciously accept - reason being coz i was still feeling stoned/hungover. his friends in the merc behind his car were total prats, calling his passenger (also his friend) asking whats up with shao picking up chicks. shao was heard it and said "whats wrong with giving strangers a lift out?" seriously, it made sense right. he was just doing a good deed. and yeah, his passenger friend was like telling shao "don't tell _____ [shao's gf]" i was just thinking. if his gf can't appreciate him doing a good deed and breaks up with him, damn, i'm snagging him! he's got such a kind heart.

because of him. when i was walking to the bus stop at outram to catch a bus, i decided to give blood. like yeah, donate. what the hell right? i've been thinking about it for ages but really lacked the guts to do it - afterall i hate needles. but since shao's good deed, well i thought it was fit for me to return the favour to someone else who needs the blood. not only did i find out i've got good haemoglobin count for a female, my veins were ideal for "blood extraction". so i donated. i got over the fear quickly enough and damn, i do feel good about it. thanks to shao, whoever he is, for showing such kindness, despite having such prats as friends and an unhelpful gf. i think if it wasn't for him, i wldn't have put into action my blood donation thought. still got the pretty pink banage around my arm.

i'm feeling quite spaced out/weak now. its really the hangover effect, now coupled with the blood loss. but the nurse said i shld be up and running by tmr morning, given my current body fitness (in terms of health, not shape! hahaha.) came home and loaded up on proteins and liquid. thats what the nurse said i shld be doing. so yeps.... gonna sleep soon. thought i'll blog about it first before my dodgy memory erases it. till then, everyone take loadsa care alright! what an eventful week. =)

it has indeed been quite an eventful christmas and this is a shout-out to all those who made it a lovely one. special thanks to:

1. my parents + grandmother - for the love gifts.
2. my auntie - for such a pretty anne klein bracelet+earring gift set. the blue gemstones are so pretty!
3. my godmum - for the leather slip-ons from kappa. white base with pretty pink flowers.
4. romei & family - for the beaded pink bracelet.
5. caro - for the lovely eeyore name stamp. wei! wrong surname! hehehe.
6. xing - for the cross stitch i have yet to receive. all your sweat and time! thanks!
7. gerald - for being such a great hang out, for the awesome christmas lunch and lastly for the self-made mini scrapbook. it's sooo thoughtful. =)
8. keita and queenin - for the company. it was fun having silly laughs.
9. mark bro - how can i forget you? thanks for everything. everything. the company, the lift home and yes, the diamond ring. it's abso-freaking-lutely gorgeous. i'm still gobsmacked. you really know how to make me feel bad eh. i still can't believe it. it sparkles, like you sparkle in my life.

went out with my lil cousin today. she wanted gelare, i paid. she wanted mos burger milk tea, i paid. she wanted a new wallet, i paid. mark and i realise something - we're so similar. we treat people the same way. we rather splurge on someone else we care for and stinge on ourselves. so if you ask me, hence the diamond ring. he was willing to spend such a large sum so as to spoil me, when he wouldn't usually spend such an amount on me himself. oh how this is sibling love. truly touched. so i decided its worth spending on my lil cousin. i hope she likes the wallet and makes good of it.

after that i went on a hunt for something for mark. he and i are suffering from the same problem - zit outbreak. didn't really have any specific brand of facial wash/zit cream in mind so throng the shops aimlessly with hansel. wasn't able to find something that interest me enough. i usually depend on my mum for zit creams and such, so i didn't really know where to get good pimple treatments. anyone has any suggestions? please kindly let me know. will resume searching tmr. does anyone know if they have L'Oreal for Men too? I know there's Biotherm facial care range for Men... hmm. going to check it out. if all else fails, there's body shop for men. not too keen because i feel the quality isn't worth the price but then again, how will i know right? i haven't tried the men's range before. we'll see.

i'm suffering from post-dancing syndrome. downloading all the remixes. oh my goodness, i'm so f.in love with r kelly's bump&grind and burn with it. and so is mark bro. bump&grind is so sensual, i'm loving it!! slow jam to it. tmr is ladies night @ gotham penthouse. oh my goodness, the alkie in me is showing its true colours. i'm out to bankrupt the place of its vodka. wahahaha!! f.exciting!

sober supergirl rach out!

[L to R] mark, lionel, me and gerald! got to check out my bling! we're outside long john's @ cineleisure.

mark bro and i.

gerald looking so handsome in the shirt suz bought him ages ago! we're outside starbucks @ clarke quay. just before going to MOS.

thank you suz and g for such an excellent christmas!!

after reading my previous blog post, damn, it's embarrassing. i'm blogging at such an unearthly time like 0430hrs but i'm much more awake. the last 2 days have been excellent. spent christmas eve sleeping away, went to meet mark for awhile at tampines and we tried some heavenly chocolate. yum. it was orgasmic!! had family gathering for christmas so i trooped down to tanah merah. the food spread was excellent. roast beef, ham, turkey, spaghetti, salad, mash potato, log cake, jelly!! indeed, i ate till i was like a stuffed pig.

christmas day was equally awesome. woke up and took a cab down to gerald's house for christmas lunch. suz, gerald's sis, and gerald prepared all the food themselves. i really enjoyed it. thanks so much for having me over. really!! i finally passed gerald his present - this swanky leather bag. i really hope you like it. gerald in turn gave me a photo album with some photos of him, mark and i. so pretty. memories...... keita, queenin and i just nua-ed at their place for a long time, watching tv and stuff. finally we got our butts moving and relocated to starbucks @ clarke quay at arnd 7ish. met up with suz's friends maple and venus. mark and lionel joined us. went to MOS. i did say i wasn't gonna go but somehow i ended up going. i didn't really enjoy the music really. drinks were horrendously priced for the volume the offered. too many pple, to lil space in the R&B. they shld have allocated more floor space to the R&B. some stuff happened but i won't go into details. was quite dramatic and scary to me but i managed to hold it together for a while. but thank GOD for G and suz. we went to maccas for supper and drinks. really appreciate it. thanks guys. thanks sooooooooooooooooooooo much for everything. =)

got to rest and catch up on sleep. zit breakout - its a sign. too lil water and sleep. need to show my skin more TLC. so sleepie! sober as a hell. not good.

i ish so sleepie. sorry if my post or speelling is bad cos i want to post before sleeping. had a really long day since my 8am start, only to get home now, at like close to 5am. so long right. but it has been one of my brighter dayss since the emotional rollercoaster ride began. it was more than brighter. i really loved it. met with mimi for lunch - had awesome lunch at thai express. ate until so fool i couldn't walk properly.

met up with mark and waited for him while he did his thing at the gym and headed out. traffic wasn't ash bad as we thought so we were pleasant to knoe everything went smooth. had had a massive fried dinner @ cartel. fried chicken. fried prawns. fried potato wedge. friend fish. ate until i wanted to explode. gerald joined us. things were initially a little awkward i think coz of what has been happening around. however, besties prevail. took the train down to orchard. really wanted to buy mark his christams present. i pushed him into beetlebug for him to look at shoes. he tried 2 pairs - one's a sandal/slipper thing and the other shoes. he looked very handsome in both. i was prepared to get both pairs for him. i think he looked very handsome. my 'brother' what. but in the end he decided on the shoes. so i paid. i think he will do good of it. then we went to look for his present to me. initially i wanted a nike bag but so ex so i didn't want, plus the bag sold out so cannot get. told him i don't deserve something so ex so i suggested a wallet which is cheaper. but what i got from him wash so unexpected. still shock. so shock. its the prettiest thing ever and he bought it for me. and the price, i don't even wanna go into it. i feell so bad, so undeserving but so stoked. this won't leave me, ever.

we met up with lionel, keita and queenin. sat down to chat nonsense then caught a 1.45am Narnia. i didn't want to watch it at all but gerald really wanted to, so ok lor. but the peter guy is so cute. the beavers are like super loveable, i also want a beaver too. the plot wasn't as bad as i thought of it to be too. i would commeny more if i wasn't so sleepy. it's been such a lovely day. so lovely and pretty.

[P.S. i'm not married or engaged or attached if anyone of you is wondering. casual boyfriend still wanted so enquire within. looking.....]

kinda realise i rarely post in the morning. it's 0915hrs now and i'm sitting in the living room waiting for my dad. for the 2nd day in a row, he overslept. oh well. can't complain since he's working so hard. hoping to hitch a ride from him to club. yesterday was disappointing. due to my dad oversleeping, i didn't do much at the gym. i had no time. in addition, i plan on relaxing in the pool, which didn't materialise due to the dodgy weather. today's weather looks a tad bit more promising, as of now.

was suppose to meet jeff for dinner/coffee yesterday. was kinda excited since we get along really well but due to some unforeseen circumstances, we didn't meet. but all's good coz i understand why he cldn't make it. can you imagine? i still haven't bought mark's present? grrrrr. oh yeah, in the end i met up with lionel for coffee @ siglap. had a great time chatting and bitching about almost everything under the sun! haha. he's really easy to talk with. =)

was hoping to get to the gym on time today but highly unlikely. got to watch my weight during this festive season. it's fluctuating like crazy coz i can eat a crapload and then not. UP, down, UP down. currently it's UP!! by alot! haha. sheesh! and i have to meet mimi at suntec at 1pm! sighs! i have so many presents/bags in tow too! it's gonna be a long day and i'm surviving on minimal sleep. mark and i are going to this jazz concert thingy since lionel is working @ the esplanade and we're dropping in a visit. he's thrilled that mark's going but not so much mark's lil sis. wahaha. too bad! i'm going! hmph!

lets say you have a budget for each friend. so you try to stick within that price range when shopping. you have been pacing the malls frantically for the past 2 days. in the eleventh hour, you see this ____. classy, black, very metrosexual. nice. you've decided that not only have you fallen in love with the ____, you friend would too. however, the price is shocking. so shocking you start thinking if you should get it after all. after much debate. you took one thorough look at the gift and asked, is the price reasonable for its quality? yes it is. so you bought it. laying over the counter was traumatising but you got through it.

yes. i went through that. i'm not gonna start thinking if i had regrets because dammit, i got the gift and he better like it! shopping has become traumatising for me. yesterday: i met up with xing for lunch, and then with caro after work. was joined by her bf, danial and friend, sheena. we thronged the shops looking for something for mark and gerald. which reminds me, haha, got to tell you a joke. i was so exasperated from trying to figure out what to get that when i saw this jewellery shop having 50% [think its goldheart or soo kee, one of them], i thought for a moment maybe i shld get mark a diamond stud.

went to enquire if they sold A stud. no, they didn't. so i went to look at the pairs they offered. settled for this really simple cut diamond thingy and asked for the price. $519 after discount. i almost had a fit at the shop. almost. declined the sales guy really nicely and tried to walk out properly. i think the 3 of them, caro, dan and sheena were trying to conceal their utmost shock too. oh well. diamond what. so i scraped the idea completely.

today: went to see the little rascals, esp my fave rascal wei. he's so cute i wanna take him home. also had a good time catching up with my auntie, grandaunt, godmother and grandma. it was schweet. headed to tampines to do some shopping with my mum and godmum. she bought me my christmas present on the spot. felt horrible since she's jobless now. it's a pair of sandal thingy with white base straps and pretty pinkk flowers. and oh my goodness. i've seen the nicest wallet ever [saw it with xing the day before but after looking lovingly at it today, swoon.]. i know i've sworn never to change wallet till my current braun buffel one breaks in a heap but i really don't wish my current love to be spoilt. it's quite worn out now and perhaps a change is good to give it a rest. i've been using it for close to 4 yrs already. once again, the new love is another braun buffel design. very shick. price isn't too bad but i'm thinking hard. after all i don't change wallets that quickly. i look at using it for at least 3,4 years, but i refuse to use them till they totally die on me. sigh don't know about buying it yet. i got to finish up with my christmas shopping first. i'm as bankrupt as it is. but one more present to go!! and the last is also the most deserving one of all!

been feeling lethargic the whole of today. no idea why. i slept upside down on my auntie's massage chair today! don't ask me how i did it but i did and darling wei got so upset with me and started to wake me up by pulling my hair. i'm such a horrible jiejie. but just tired. planning to go for a light workout (remember my dodgy busted knee?), hopefully a short soak in the jacuzzi. if all goes well, i'll be meeting mark for lunch. if not, i'll sort out some misc stuff, drop my things at home and meet an online friend in the late arvo. not sure yet. everything seems sketchy and i'm not a person of uncertainty so hope things firm up and takes some shape along the way.

oh, as an extra, i decolourized my nails today. for those who are like thinking "what the hell is she talking about?", i'd my nails, fingers and toes, painted black satin at the start of the hols. the paint on the fingers started chipping a couple days back so i took it off. the black toes remain. but damn, i feel so odd looking at my fingernails now. i am so use to them being black! maybe i shld paint them black again. maybe......

been keeping myself busy. so i won't hurt so much.

made a new friend. his name is lionel. we get along well.

xing came to the house today to chill. and we met caro @ bakerz OF. it was schweet.

i'm still lacking presents for mark and g. got to think soon and quick.

got to get them on thursday. definitely.

soon to be properly updated. just not now.

thats a crapload of posts within a day. but hell. i don't care. it's my damn blog. as mentioned in my previous post. today has been extremely painful indeed. all the lies. all the cover-ups. i'm tired of it all.

went to the gym today, after not hitting the gym for more than a week. my knee is still busted and yesterday's "collapse" of my right knee was a strong indication i just wasn't ready. but really, given the pain in my heart, nothing could challenge that. i went to the gym, did 30 minutes on the treadmill. killed my knee AGAIN. but really. i find that pain refreshing this time round. blurred out what i was feeling inside. i couldn't do anything else so i decided to sit in the sauna. turned it up to max. heat is good. pain is good. self-inflicted torture seemed like a good idea. while sitting in the sauna, i thought to myself "if i sat in here long enough, i'll be rotting by the time they find me, how nice." ironically, i just told xing 2 days ago no matter how unstable i am, suicide is never on my cards. well xing, i eat back my words. so there i was.... sitting in the sauna, already feeling the effects of maximum temperature and experiencing the initial stages of delirium. somehow. i dragged myself out. i thought, well, i'll be meeting mark to go out. that was 2.45.

he didn't turn up till 5ish. he wanted to hit the gym. by the time we left kep it was almost 7. what errands to run. i was really tired after many nights of insufficient sleep, really weak and hungry from not eating the entire day and i was just so hurt as xing will know. i felt like fainting really. we did my errands in silence. i waited almost 4 hrs to go for a short 2hrs outing. i really don't know what to say. he never did confirm anything nor cancel anything. how was i to know if it was on or off. so i waited. and i'm so tired of waiting. i use to spend all my free time waiting for t i didnt think i cld do it again. oh well. what do you know.

damn. i wish i'd sat in the sauna till i rotted. regrets. i told xing i am gonna get him the _______ regardless of superstition. if he walks out on the "relationship" [or a more apt word, siblingship], then well. that's just my luck isn't it. love is so powerful ain't it. if i'd to define love on the spot now, i'll say love is giving whoever the power to destroy you effortlessly. and i'd given love away to be destroyed.

trust no one. love no one. but yourself.

lesson of 2005: never learn to trust people too much because when they hurt you, they really do. through their actions, they stab, they twist, they draw flood, at the expense of your frail, weak heart.

before you think how naive i am to not learn this extremely painful lesson earlier. well. i thought i got it right this time. but i hadn't. not one bit. that's what is shattering me. only this time, it cuts right down to the dirty core. i don't even know who i am anymore. telling the truth no longer pays.

love no one but yourself. trust no one but yourself.

the warm heart hardens.

levan from RONIN.
rach proclaims!

vocals + guitar. wicked!!
rach proclaims!

on vocals.
rach proclaims!

Levan - won me over completely. no questions asked.
rach proclaims!

so i went to this local gig thing, Quiet: The New Loud II. i didn't carry much expectations i guess. i wasn't really thinking i'd enjoy it. but well. it turned out to be awesome. the gig was held at the singapore art museum, in an intimate setting. free seating on the floor and the whole atmosphere was just.... perfect. for an acoustic evening. i wished gerald had joined me. it was really his kind of thing. there were 5 acts in all and i'll briefly introduce each act.

1. Amanda Tee - http://www.freewebs.com/fored/
at sixteen, she performed her own compositions, plays awesome acoustics as a leftie. hell, she is also very cute, apologizing for "jiao-sia-ing" and being nervous. i think she's my favourite act, given her talent and upfrontness about everything. she did 4 originals and 3 covers. love it all. one of the songs she had written really hit my heart on the head. just as she had described it "imagine there's this one person you love so deeply.. and he starts losing his memory and forgeting about you..." OUCH. but amazing shiat. f.amazing. i can listen to her and her soulful tones forever

2. Rushed
no offence to the band, but the trio did not strike a chord in my heart. the lead singer does not have the vocal ability to carry through all the songs. the compositions were original and entertaining but i'd felt that the back-up singer (a.k.a the bassist) was more suited to take the reigns. in addition, the drummer was just mediocre - not bad but definitely not impressive. not entirely memorable.

3. Leslie Low
he has a mesmorizing voice, silky and smooth. however the genre of music he presented is not really my kinda thing but hansel absolutely thinks leslie is his idol. different opinions i guess. he isn't much of a talker either, which to me, was definitely NOT a plus point. but i have to admit, there's much aura surrounding this guy, as though inner peace radiates from him. so even though he isn't really my kinda flavour, i'd felt a sense of calm just listening to him. he is definitely worth a listen to for all those acoustic sappy pple out there.

4. Ronin
what can i say about them.... i am addicted to them now! it's a 5 member band - though only 3 turned up. but this did not compromise their performance. i mean, apparently they're this big thing in the local gig scene but of course ignorant lil me didn't really come into contact with them until today. the lead singer is abino, white hair and blue eyed. really embarrassing to say this but when i'd first saw him arnd, i thought he was some swedish chick. *so so so sorry!* hell, i'll die for his flawless skin. but geez. he's mesmorizing to listen to. one of RONIN's songs is ringing in my head - "just one moment". f.addictive. oh, the albino's name is levan and really, i think it's such a cool name. i know i'm not a fan of fair people, i like my guys tan. but he has won me over. completely, totally, absolutely, seriously. plus he has such a wicked sense of humour.... i'm loiking what i'm hearing. check out the peekchers i took of him! check ronin out @ http://www.roninriot.com

5. Typewriter
firstly, i have to admit, the name sounded a tad dodgy to me. and by the time the last act got on stage, my back and butt was aching from sitting on the ground. this malay dude came up and i was thinking "geez, he has alot to do to impress me" but ha.. impress me he did. the songs were all originals and extremely meaningful. the bassist for typewriter is also the same bassist for electrico, another massively popular local band. and damn! the bassist, desmond, is excellent on back-up vocals. pure perfection! a joy to listen to the back-up vocals. they have some wicked shit.... great job!!

overall. i think it had been an awesome experience. $8 (not $9 as stated in the earlier post) for more than 3 hrs worth of local talent, its been worth the money. though i felt that a location with proper seating would have been more desirable, for $8 i wouldn't ask for more. but let's just say i've been won over by amanda tee and ronin. i'll look forward to attending more gigs by then. hopefully gerald or bro will come with me to enjoy. gonna keep updated with more gigs, if they have any. credit goes to http://www.musicforgood.org for such great organizations.

after the gig, we headed to tcc @ PS for coffee. too bad it wasn't the one @ boatquay with the to-die-for ambience. oh well. i will return back someday. someday..... any companions?

oh my freaking goodness. what a f.terrible way to end a pleasant day. chilled at home, made my way to KAP after not going there for more than 5 years and then to jurong and blah. it was all smooth going, good companionship.... the whole freaking incident that ruin my mood was the damn journey home.

i know i'm kinda like a dimwit when it comes to travel routes home from unfamiliar places, such as jurong. so the most natural thing was for me to catch the bus that takes me back to SCGS and then take the normal route home. bus 171 to plaza singapura and then change to my usual good ol' bus 16. how the hell do i know that shops were opened in town till 12am tonight and that the whole freaking road from newton MRT to city hall will be jammed? yah lah, maybe i'm just plain ignorant but really. i didn't know. the bus wasn't even crawling. it's not funny. by the time i'd hopped off at PS, i'd been in that damn 171 for close to 50minutes and was seriously in need of a toilet break. i walked PS up and down and all the toilets were closed! wht the hell.... in my moment of moodiness, i walked into some new shop called outfitter girls. saw this bag, wanted to buy it for girlfriend A (so that it reduces my christmas shopping list by one) and so i did, without thinking twice. it was only when i was out of the shop then i realised i bought girlfriend A a bag not too long ago! so i cannot get her one again. damn.

then i thought about girlfriend B, maybe i can give it to her for christmas. but the bag isn't her kinda thing - the design and colour. what about girlfriend C? damn, it's gonna sound damn mean but who cares. i concluded she wasn't worth the price of the bag. she has been adopting some serious changes in her attitude to friends so... i just didn't see how she was worth the price of the bag which set me back a tidy sum. esp since i've been so giam with my money lately, spending only on food. this made me even more pissed off that i'd to keep the bag for myself. because as xing would know it, i have been eyeing this really nice bag which i've seen some chicks carry lately. according to xing [who was also eyeing the bag], this bag design has been out for some time now, since september, and carries a VERY unappealing price tag along with it. maybe it's the f.brand name. i've another bag under the same brand which set me back a cool $70 (after discount) at the end of last year. only difference was i had a job allowance then. right now, i'm unemployed. now because of my impulse buy, i've just set myself back a cool $30+. feel like slapping myself.

then when i got on the bus 16 from PS, 2 stops down, the previous bus 16 had broken down, so a whole busload of people pushed and squeezed their way into the 16 i was on. typical singaporeans. cannot fit die die must fit. i'm bloody claustrophobic and contrary to popular belief, i hate crowds. initially i'd a seat but i saw this frail old man boarding so instintively i offered my seat which he gratefully took. but really, i don't know this time had i done myself any favours in doing so. with a fat man + his huge duffel bag by my side and many people knocking me around, i'd trouble breathing and felt like passing out any moment. one of the worse bus rides ever. it was an exhausting 12.30 am when i got home. what an awful ending to such a pleasant day. indeed. so pissed off.

but don't feel bad, my companion, i enjoyed today even though you were doing your thing and i was doing mine. hell. i always enjoy your presence. it's just me and the damn journey home. going to watch this local band concert thingy with my cousin tmr. somewhat excited...... thought wicked aura isn't playing. boo. it better be worth my $9.

you know i'm in a bad mood when the mean things swimming in my head comes spewing out of my mouth. i'm not gonna deny, i'm no angel and when i survey my surroundings, mean thoughts tend to pop up in my head. the only issue lies in whether i speak my mind or hold my tongue. 95% of the time, i adopt the latter approach. no point really. let the irritant pass and all resumes back to normal. but these couple of days (with the buildup of a dramatic week) results in me snapping. poor xing got the brunt of my bitching but she's great. she's one of the dearest sweethearts to me. so let me pen down the my grievances.

1. this issue about "the guy always pays for the girl"
chad from UWA was visiting in singapore and we managed to squeeze some times out from our respective busy schedules to go for brekkie/lunch and some walk around. initially i'd wanted to go to cartel for brekkie but had forgotten cartel's breakfast menu only functions on the weekends. so, where could we have brekkie at raffles city? somehow or another, we ended up at ya kun toast. i felt quite bad about it.... bringing him to ya kun? so over the counter when we were placing orders, i told him really firmly i was buying him brekkie. so i took a $50 note and stretched out my arm to offer it to the auntie who was sorting out the cashier. don't tell me she didn't understand english ok... but when chad took out a $10 note to pass to me, she reached out to grab that $10 note to settle the bill. i was like wht the hell?? there i just said i was treating my guest (who is so obviously NOT LOCAL to everyone) to brekkie and there that bloody cashier decides to take matters into her own hands and CHOOSE who she wants to pay. chad just said naturally "well. too bad, i'm treating." but seriously. i don't approve of what the cashier did. so it's chivalrous if the guy buys the girl dinner/lunch. but who are you to decide that? both are students (in chad's and my case). both don't draw incomes. it shouldn't be all about chivalry. if the girl says it's her treat, then respect her decision. don't try playing god. if it was agreed that the couple should go dutch, then leave the couple to decide the mode of settlement. don't just assume and go for the guy's plastic or cash.

in the end, when we proceeded to cartel for a later lunch, i took the opportunity to buy him lunch, since i was paying up at the counter with my discount card. so all's fair.

2. the new national library disallowing entry of books
mark and i have been to the national library twice in the past week to get some studying (him) and note-making (me) done. and what really bothers me about it is that the national library comes across to me as some sort of highly-protected terrorist-targetted building that seems more private than public. every floor has a security desk and guard and the bottom floor has a counter full of them! like really? is it necessary? no offence, but with the security guards being in their 50s and 60s... do you really think they can save the "world" if an attack were to be launched? and when mark and i tried entering with a book, we were disallowed in because of the damn textbook. like whats the point of having a library when you can't even bring textbooks in to study? why even bother calling it the national library when we're just as good as not being allowed to use its facilities to study and chill interactively? i felt like i was being watched all the time!! sheesh.

3. the oldies in singapore DEMANDING respect from people like us
before i sound like a total disrespectful ass, let me make this clear. i'm the sorta person who offers my seats to the elderly, pregnant ladies or mums with lil kids. i'm extremely soft hearted towards the handicapped, the old and the less fortunate, being fortunate myself. i find myself doing things for these people, things i usually wldn't be bothered to do, such as helping them up the bus and carrying their bags or even listen to their rantings in some dialet i don't even understand. but what i really hate is when these people EXPECT you to respect them just because you are younger and more able bodied than that.

today i was on my way to meet xing for lunch at tiong bahru. so i plan to catch the direct bus there. the bus took particularly long to arrive and in the process, the bus stop was filled with ah por going home after a morning's worth of prayer at the temple (the bus stop is next to the temple). i'd been one of the first to arrive and with my busted knee deciding to foul up on me in the morning, i planted my ass to the seat. so the seats filled quickly. this ji-za por was standing up and gossiping with the other por pors at the bus stop (i doubt she knew them really), commenting on why coffee shop 1 was packed and coffee shop 2 was empty, commenting on her cheap her teeshirt was as oppose to another por por's outfit, commenting on what are the likely causes of the bus running late and so on. she's not as elderly as the rest of the ah pors, pretty agile on her legs too. standing them, rattling along. suddenly she had nothing more to say and kept silent for about a minute. then she turned to me and in a loud brandish manner, starting insulting me in a mix of chinese and cantonese saying i didn't show any respect to her by offering the seat to her. that i was rude and able-bodied while she had back ache and all other aches. telling all the ah pors this was called selfishness and i was the epitomy of today's youths. i was thinking, "what the hell. firstly. i've a busted knee. secondly. you seem fine. you may not be fine but well. too bad, i don't know you're not fine since you're being so animated while ji-za-ing away. thirdly. its up to me to show you respect, not for you to demand respect from someone whom you've probably never seen in your life, regardless your age. even if i am choosing to be disrespectful, given we're strangers, its not for YOU to discipline me. damn! if it wasn't for me being tired and all, i would have snapped at her in my dodgy mandarin.

i really don't get whats wrong with these people. i don't. the cashiers who decides they have the right to determine who pays and the oldies who demand respect. geez. anyways. i've finally finished mark's notes. it's mostly cut and paste, rearranging and stuff. i cldn't see how i cld have summarized it anymore than the already summarized notes. but loads of time/sweat/effort/love poured out into it. another special thanks to xing for being so tolerant towards my grouchiness, moodiness and bitchiness today, despite her being ill. gosh. i realise how much i appreciate and love her! she's the star in my life [literally!]

i know i keep harping on my christmas presents but i still haven't gotten any. grrr. i've got 3 girls and 2 guys to shop for this christmas+ family. exciting. i haven't even bought myself a single thing since i've gotten back (other than food). i'll start savin up again after i've bought everyone their gifts. my own temptations can wait. it's not about me now, its about them who complete my life.

craving for sashimi now, esp after mark said he was going sashimi with the other gym people. was prepared to go with them when i'd first arrived back from aust but now just ain't bothered to anymore. but i'll have my dose of it soon. xing, you up for it when you're better?? *drools*

got home after a day of studying [aka note making]. shagged. still got abit to go but i'm pressing on tonight. met up with one of my girlies, caro to study today. she has microbiology exam tomorrow. we went to tcc @boatquay and oh my goodness, i swear it's the f.best chillout ever. awesome ambience, super courteous staff and they f.allowed me to use the powerpoint for my comp! how much better can it get? it can't. i am so loving that place! they even called me when caro left her microbiology notes behind so that caro cld collect them. highly recommended! tcc @ boatquay. i wonder if bro is up to it to study there soon. no idea. he's been sick and in a foul mood (due to his missing ipod) that i just feel so awful for him. i think the exams and the missing ipod is just getting to him.

was chatting to caro and she kept raving about dan the man (her bf). how love changes someone. you know, when i watched her filled with love when she sees dan, somehow, i feel jealous. don't get me wrong, i am VERY happy for her. she's such a dear to me and her happiness catches on. but me, there i am single and unattached with no prospectus whatsoever. i don't want to be an old maid. =( it's not that i don't want to look or something, but i just don't see any guy that can steal my heart away. maybe i had enough of it... i don't know. i want to be happy like caro, i want my heart to be forever dancing with joy when i speak of that special someone. i use to know how that felt, but now, i'm devoid of feelings - i'll just sit by and wait for whoever will ever love me. everyone tells me i have a long way more to go. i hate hearing that you know. yes you keep stressing to me i am still young and blah blah blah. but everyone does want that someone to hold and cuddle and love, whether he or she is 19 or 59. i'm no different. age, it really doesn't make much difference if you ask me. we're all humans, we yearn for human touch and affection. yes i am happy with my bro and my bestie. they make me happy and i did say earlier in my other posts that they are all i need for now. but they have their own lives to lead and their respective partners to love. i need that special someone too. but even when we all have special someones, our lives [mark, gerald and i] will forever run parallel, to me anyways. when bro told me he has raised his expectations of his next partner "love me, love my dog", how so i agree. i want my boyfriend to love me enough to respect how important mark and gerald are to me. and that the love i have for them is not one of romance but one of 'kinship'. thats what i expect my partner to accept. it's hard to work a relationship if my partner doesn't respect the 2 guys who build my character to what it is today.

yes. christmas is coming. i still have a list of christmas presents to buy. i don't know what to get for caro and xing really. esp since i've run out of ideas for the girls. but in the coming week or so, i have to get everyone's presents sorted. mark, g, caro, xing and all. i haven't got much time left nor much money since i'm jobless but i'm working at budgeting to get presents. if i'd a wish from mr santa in advance - it'll be for mark's missing ipod and calculator to be found, for his illness to disappear and for him to be blessed with someone special. yes. i wish for his happiness. it hurts to see him in such a foul mood and feel powerless to do anything. i wish him all the best with sweets/prettyb. and the exams too.

it was great catching up with you caro. thanks for the treat. it's on me the next time!! *love*

slept through the whole night. missing xxx's presence. toldcha. i'm the "get married" sort, whereby waking up to that someone special just makes your stomach churn with joy. anyways. my swollen eyes are more or less backk to being normal again. after a satistfying lunch. went to meet up with huimin and her lil sister for some christmas shopping and tea. went to marche and coffee bean. how greedy can i get. *burp* walked round and round. but didn't see anything too outstanding. back to square one. what shld i get mark and g for christmas.

anyway. after a nail-biting frenzy, the results for last semester's results were realised. bitter sweet and unexpected. for those who have been reading my blog, you would know that i'd TOTALLY screwed financial accounting exam up. so i was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo worried i'd fail the unit. i cannot afford to screw one more unit up. pleasantly enough, i scrapped a credit. *phew* torts went ok too. passed, nothing impressive but i wasn't surprised, given my screwed up assignment whereby i was the bottom 5 in the cohort. however, there was more unexpectations to come. i'd high hopes for my criminal law. not only was it my strongest law unit ever, i'd felt surprisingly confident for this paper. to score an abysmal credit for it was quite a blow to me.... but at least i didn't fail right? so yeah, i give thanks for that. lastly, macroeconomics 234. as some of you had the priviledge of knowing, i'd shared with you guys the struggles i faced doing 2nd year economics - maths, more maths, formulas, even more formulas. this is NOT one of my strong points. i'd been thinking hard about dropping economics as a degree and either focussing on law or picking something else up - like political science or forensic science. been praying and thinking. and macroecons results have actually sort of indicated to me what my decision should be. i should hang in there and slogg it out. i scored surprisingly ok for this unit - something i'd never expect. it's not such a good grade or anything, but definitely better than the initial PASS i was hoping for. i cld have done better but oh well. not gonna think about it. at least i cleared everything. i wonder how did mimi do. hope she went ok.

now, mark sent me a song last night to listen to. he said he liked it. i never doubted his taste since we have quite similar tastes in music too (as we do in men). he dared me to sing it. it's by espen lind. don't ask me who's that coz really, i don't know. the song title is "when susannah cries". upon hearing the melody and that singer's soothing voice, i fell head over heels in love with the song instantaneously. no, i don't approve of the lyrics of the songs - way too scandalous and jerk-ish for my liking, but damn! i've loving this song. it's awesome. everyone should hear it out. i am also loving sarah mclaughlin's "world on fire". just a warning - these songs are not recent nor mainstream music but it's currently very me.

this weekend has been an extremely eventful one - subjected to the highs and the lows of an emotional roller coaster ride. after such an emotional previous entry, i'd settled into fitful sleep only to wake up intermittenly. met up with mark to study at the national library. we went to swensons first and had a really great meal. the christmas lunch set is really quite worth it! found out that mark loves yam ice cream like my mum and i. after that we proceeded to the library. not too bad, it's my first visit there. doesn't look much like one of those typical libraries. very flashy and swanky.

after that visited xxx's house to chill out and stuff. kinda unexpected but decided to stay over. maybe because i realise i was way to drowsy to take a cab back at 2.30a.m. it's extremely dangerous. so i slept over. reinforced why i am the "get married" type. waking up to someone by your side is one of the best feelings ever - to me anyway. its been missing in my life (duh! since i'm not married) had eaten orange before sleeping which triggered a coughing spell that left me feeling quite ill and wheezing. but all's good. a lil toss and turning here and there due to unfamiliar ground but all's good. woke up feeling a lil worse for wear but had a refreshing shower.

decided to head to the club despite having no gym clothes with me. travelled with mark in a merry-go-round around hougang - a place we are both clueless about - for mark to respond to his weekend call of a faulty modem. then we headed to keppel. but yeah, some things happened there which i really don't wanna go into. in front of the entire club, i broke down. crying and crying and crying. sighs. the tears won't stop flowing. i swear it's f.embarrassing but right there and then, i was just too tired of continually putting up a facade. very unglam but sighs. it's still not settled but i've cried till my eyes are swollen and they hurt so much. its been a while since i'd such a breakdown. *hugs to mark for being there*

got quite a few things to do in the next week: finishing mark's notes up (yes! i haven't finished them. grr), shopping for christmas presents, finding a job, catching up on sleep, going to the gym (super rach busted her knee but she is putting on weight so she MUST go!], going to the lib with mark to study and lastly, looking forward to mark's exams being over. because we have so many things to do! like catch movies, LOTSA shopping for slacks/bestman outfit/thongs, chilling together, gymming and so on!! finally, its been a while since i've looked forward to so many things. i counted, in the past 2 yrs when mark had a partner i saw him 5 times in all. this round since i've been back. i've seen him 5 times in 2 weeks. makes me one damn happy girl.

it's 3am and i am dead beat tired. but tears are streaming down my face profusely. maybe i just need sleep, maybe i was just being over-emotional, about something he didn't really meant. i don't know.

but its gonna be a hellish night ahead for me. one hellish, cold night.

really tired. only managed to crawl into bed at arnd 4ish in the morning, but cldn't sleep till past 5am. i had to drag myself out of bed at 9am to meet xing to go ikea. we had swedish meatballs! =) walked around ikea looking for christmas presents ideas. i've got a rough idea what i'll be getting from there. then we trooped down to the gym, for rach to implement her supergirl rach system. unfortunately, i busted my knee when i was on the treadmill. this time is no shitting joke. i busted it big time. the pain was pretty unbearable [and i have quite a high level threshold for pain]. but i persevered. i was pretty determined to do good today. i didn't manage to accomplish what i'd set out to do, but i came close enough. it's good enough for me, esp since my right knee was in pain and the blister at the back of my right ankle was bleeding.

after that, xing and i headed to the boardwalk for dinner. had casesar salad and beef hor fun. the caesar salad is really dodgy - not the original type of dressing. but it's ok. was really full and sat down to chat with xing. she saw herself out of keppel arnd 6.30 and i started to do my notes. worked on it but was really sleepie. was suppose to meet mark at the lib to do some studying but in the end he went to the gym because his friend joined him, some pretty boy. yeahh. so i decided not to hang arnd anymore and went home. brave rach insisted on walking out of keppel by herself despite the immense pain that shoots up the leg when she is bends her knee. but she walked out =). i'm extremely shagged but i've polished off a bowl of cereal to supply my energy to press on further with my notes making.

one last thing to add. i met her today at keppel. twice. after not seeing her for close to almost 5 years, before it all happened, seeing her brought memories to me. when i was with xing, it was just cautious chat.... while i don't know what was going through her head, mine - memories came flooding back. and as i was leaving the club, with mark nearby, i saw her again. part of me wanted to hug her so tightly. tell her i missed her. tell her i missed him anymore. but i lacked the guts. i lacked the courage, thinking i was going to crumble and cry my heart out. and make such a spectacle of myself in front of everyone. so i told her i'll see her around. as i was walking out of keppel and while travelling home.. i thought about her. i thought about him. and i thought about myself. maybe i'm not as strong as i think i am. as for mark, i wish him all the happiness.

it's work time soon.

met up with chun today. what a radical hair change! she has a mullet!! how cool is that..... extremely, probably only that i wldn't get one. ain't gutsy enough. it's good to see her, it always has been. we have such interllectually stimulating convos - which i thoroughly enjoy and learn from. after that, i met up with g and his friend, cal. i can safely say i've made a new friend today. =) cal's the sorta music-loving guy.. which is an awesome thing, coz g and i are equally fanatical about music! we hung @ spinelli's from evening till night - we sat there for close to 5 hrs!! looking at g and talking about life's journey made me realise how much i've grown to love and appreciate g. i give thanks for that.

i've spent the whole day out, neglecting my work. how far behind i am in the notes-making! this unit has proven much more challenging than i thought it was. moral of the story: never underestimate! tsk tsk. tonight and tmr is pia time!! exams all over again. suddenly something in me is going hay-wire. i've put on 2kg in the past 2 days! [while mark has lost 3kg within a week!!] i think reason being that i've started munching, snacking and eating at night due to stress and stuff. this is not good!! am addicted to marks&spencer's triple chocolate cereal! eat eat eat.... i can forget about wearing THAT top on christmas eve and christmas! [mimi knows what i'm talking about *wink*] tsk. i've thought about it, mighty mark has his mighty mark system, it's time for supergirl rach to start her own, also know as the supergirl rach system! duh. it's gonna start tmr. i cannot afford all the eating and sitting around anymore. i'd just polished a bowl of triple choc cereal just before typing this. it has to stop. we'll see how that goes.... we'll see. this weekend will be just pia-ing notes and gymming. i need motivation! is that top enough motivation? hmm. bro!! we got to pia this weekend!

one of the most important/dear guys in my life!
rach proclaims!

lighting up my life - mark bro. [P.S ain't he so hot in his BODS fitted tee?] 

hell cute, i love them. =)  

a girl's dream: a loving 'bro' and best friend 

my aussie dolls!! 

been eating alot these couple days, not quite sure why. but it's happy eating... trying food and enjoying the great company. can cafe, sakae sushi, cartel, homecook food, bakerzinn... yum!

i need to get some gymming done soon. or i won't show my face on the 24th/25th dec at the clubs. boo! or maybe i'll just hide in a gunny sack. haha. and right now, i am going for a tea appointment! boo. hehe. these few days attempts at job-scouting has prove fruitless - they are looking for pple who can commit 3 months or more. oh well. but since yesterday, i have more of a purpose, i am helping to make notes! its interesting for now... i have a feeling i will grow to dislike it. but yeah, all's good. i am more than happy to help him! this is good stress. if only i wasn't eating so much as i am busying trying to understand the material. =(

markk bro and i caught aeon flux last night. the only thing i enjoyed about it was the company. mark rated it a C, i'll second that. i'm not really a fan of these futuristic plots... i just find it hard to relate to these sorta things and it didn't help that everything seemed all over the place. that's just my take on it. next few movies to watch: memoirs of a geisha, pride and prejudice and king kong [not so for KK though]. you in on it, bro?? =)

'bro' and i had a mini misunderstanding last night, 1st of its kind. was upset and spent a sleepless night tossing around. nevertheless, settled into fitful sleep. woke up to go to my godmum's house for lunch. to see my grandmother and her. my godmother's going to new zealand tmr. pretty. =)

we're better now. looking forward to a movie tmr. i was reading something on frienster the other day between a normal friend and a real friend. one thing that caught my eye was:

a normal friend divides the costs of meals and movies equally between the two of you so all is fair but a real friend is one where there is an unspoken agreement between the two of you that the costs incurred are not measured to precision i.e. sometimes [s]he pays, sometimes you pay.

i realise it's like that with mark and g. esp markk. we don't go down to the nit-picking of the nitty gritty. sometimes you pay, sometimes i pay. which is a good thing, even though i have zero income now. it's neat and it says alot. to sit down and actually break down who ate what or who paid what is tiring. trust the friend is honest enough NOT to keep feeding off you! =)

hoping to meet mimi for coffee later. its been a while since i've seen her. miss her heaps..... she's going hk on sat! boo. and a special message for G: G won the club squad challenge! YOU RAWK! i am so proud of you. believe in yourself like i believe in you. always. love you. always watching your backk.

now i am thinking about xmas presents for my loved ones.... christmas is so coming around the corner and i am still jobless. thankfully i got something to occupy me soon. notes-making for 'bro'!

i spent the last night reflecting. have i really become that backless person? yesterday was certainly so schweet, seeking affections from mark. it might sound wrong i know, but you know, after being away so long from home, being alone most of the time in aust, coupled with the emotional rollercoaster ride i had and loss of t, it suddenly felt so good. like i needed the human touch. it sounds horribly pathetic, but i'm not gonna deny it, i miss that touch, and to come from my 'bro', it was, for a moment, comforting and enjoyable. hell, the many lonely nights in australia, when i lie awake thinking, all i prayed for was for markk and g to be by my side, not leave me, so everything will be alright. my prayers sorta seemed to be answered now and i should be glad. actually i am not than glad, i can't ask for more. but why do i feel so clingy and pathetic? i concluded that as much as i am use to being attached and like being attached, right now, i don't need a bf because i have them around. but perhaps its a good idea i had one so as to decrease my dependence on them? sighs. but i am happy the way i am. the void in my soul, my heart..... coming home has filled the emptiness. esp thanks to both markk and g.

when i was watching chicken little, resting my head on markk's shoulders or his on mine, with my leggs propped up on g, my heart danced arnd so joyiously. i wldn't do this to anyone. its because its them so i am who i am [i know putting my legs up on you, g, is not the best thing but its a compliment! BUT thank you for being so giving.]

you know, i can get use to havin them arnd. damn! if they both moved to perth to study and we all became housemates, i'll be the happiest girl in the world. but this makes leaving so much harder. despite the hiccups earlier in the week, i don't recall being so.... myself, in a long time. being so comfortable, so accepted, so loved. [no offence to mimi. i love you to bits too. i dont understand why its so hard to meet up now. boo. but i miss you heaps.] it's just emotionally detaching myself to the whole situation - will it help? as much as i despise myself for being such a spineless being, i yearned for it. those cold dark nights.... when i was alone in aust. those nights when i cried myself to sleep... i don't want mark to have to show me affections just because he has to, damn, i don't want to ruin any chances of him finding a partner... while walking on my own two feet seems like a better option, do i really want to? i don't know. i don't know.

loving is about giving. making sacrifices. if walking on my own and letting mark and g seek their own respective partners and happiness is more important, maybe i shld let them be. even though i may not have as blissful a weekend as with them, but hey, like i told both of them before, whatever makes them happy, makes me happy. what kills me is when they are unhappy, or even worse, unhappy with me. thats what kills. till then. i dont know anything now.

today turned out better than i'd thought it would. surely GOD wouldn't be so nice to bless me with another awesome Saturday right? but well, GOD had other plans in mind, HE was nice to me.

overslept again today and then i took a bus down to tiong baru, with the intention of buying liang cha for markk. my initial suspicion of it being a matter of time before mark gets sick sorta came true. so yeps. got whatever i needed and took a cab down to keppel from there. i wanted to go to the gym and after all the prepping and changing, i realise to my horror that my maid had taken out my socks from the shoe bag. so i waited patiently for my mum to come. mark arrived looking a little worse for wear physically but he looks very handsome in his new attire. =) i like! you shld dress more like that bro! gerald then arrived without the intention of gymming. so we scrapped the idea altogether, i changed out of my gym attire and then we all trooped to holland v where g wanted to cut his hair. mark and i walked arnd to pass time.

when g was done, we then headed down to town. planned to watch a movie. after much debate (sort of), we settled on chicken little. did i mention that xing says i SO look like chicken little? pulease lah, i am so much cuter! [bleah! so mei you lian!] but like what mark and g both felt, it was much better than we thought it was. the characters were hell cute. oh yeah. we also eat at marche, the three of us..... had rosti, roast chicken, pork knuckles and fried calamari. so yum!

after the meal and the movie, we sort of ended up at the open-air concert hosted by daniel ong. met up with g's good friend, the much talked-about cal. nice guy yeah. we were listening to all the project superstar winners and runners-up. it was schweet. leaning on mark. *grins* oh. and this local band called wicked aura. they're like this buncha pple (mostly malays + 2 caucasians) playing the percussions and stuff. very bongo, very dancey. was tempted to break out in dance but held my restrain. they are hell good! really enjoyed their performance.

then when the concert ended, we went to meet cal's friends at spinelli's @the heeren. they look like a young buncha pple but i wldn't be too surprised if all are older than me. didn't really talk much to them. probably too funky for me! by then, markk was feeling really quite sick so was letting him lean on me and stuff. it's good. i don't know. too soft a spot for mark. my heart just melts when i see him like that. been thinking. i'm away most of the time..... how can i be a good sis to him? sighs. thats prob why now when i'm backk, i try really hard to be the best possible lil sister to him. and sometimes even take on an elder sis role in nagging and stuff. dont know, it's just me. he's so nice to hug too.

by arnd 11.30pm, we decided to head back. g had to pick his dad up from the club while markk left his company car at keppel. since he has been feeling sick, i insisted on following him home and then catching a cab back home. my initial thought was that i was worried for him AND perhaps he might drive a lil safer with someone else in the car. but yeah, he told me whether or not there was another passenger, it didn't affect his driving. so after we reached his place, i took a cab back. that was already close to 1am. i thought the can fare will amount to about $20, since he stays near SCGS and there's midnight surcharge, but really surprisingly, the total fare only came up to around $11. it's a good thing. was really pleased about it.

was really shagged when i got home but mark had some work to do and since i felt so guilty for keeping him out till so late when he's sick, i offered to help with some of his work. most summarizing and paraphasing. i was just brain dead but i really wanted to help. realise i am also much more rusty and lousy at this stuff than i think i am. boo. don't think my work was up to scratch but i hope it minimises the workload for him. thats what i hope anyway. trying to be the good sister and caring for him when i am physically able to. its a heartbreaking thought knowing i'll go back to perth next year and not be arnd for 9mths again.

today was a really schweet day. i couldn't ask for more. i just appreciate markk and gerald so much. if anything happened to me tonight and i shld perish, i live with no regrets. coz i got to spend the last day with the 2 guys i love most other than my family. and both markk and g know i love them. how much, they may never know. but its good enough that they know already. no regrets.

i overslept today. prob due to the couple of sleepless nights that plagued me previously. markk bro's phone call woke me up, he wanted to arrange today's appt. i was looking forward to it. =) after that, hopped down to city hall to meet omar. i know i know, after all the hoo-ha about him. he's friend to me still, just that i don't really want to get to close to him for obvious reasons. we went to o'briens for lunch first and then to ya-kun toast for some after-snack. had some neutal convo and catch-up was not too bad. frankly, i wasn't too impressed with everything but i guess if pple are keen on catching up, i don't mind. so it was off to a monotonous start to my day.

but all things ended really well today. after meetin omar, i hung arnd city hall waiting for markk bro. the wait had been all worthwhile. markk bro has been seriously overworked and tired out, he truly deserves a break. so going out with him today was good. i think i have too soft a spot for him but hell, he's worth it. anyways. managed to pass him the lil "cheer up" gift that i got him. nothing fancy but yeah, hope you like it bro! we passed by the starhub shop on our way to our first stop and markk bought a new mobile for his mum. how cool is that.

anywho.our first stop was BODS. when he first told me he was looking for a fitted tee, that was the first shop that came to my mind. prior to us going to the shop today, i'd done some homework beforehand to suss out when the store had to offer. it definitely didn't let me down. in the end, markk picked out 4 tops - one white fitted tee, light pinkk cotton short sleeve shirt, one baby blue polo and one white short sleeve shirt with light pinkk stripes. very nice, very metrosexual and he looked very hot in them =) i think he likes his purchases too coz i definitely did like them! the next thing on our agenda will be a nice cream pair of slacks. but to sum it up, definitely a worthwhile investment. markk hasn't bought anything for himself in ages and i think its about time he truly deserves to treat himself to somethings.

all these shopping.. and we were looking for dinner next. we headed to NYDC. over dinner we chatted about some serious issues, the legal system, my experience at YLP and most importantly (and disturbing to me), the impending execution of Melb guy Nyugen. i have VERY anti-death penalty sentiments and have been following this case intently for the past three weeks or so already. everyday i will scour the online newspaper to do my homework - reading up on the latest updates and the hanging process, so as to educate myself. markk and i had a very indepth discussion on the whole issue but i will post my own view up in the coming entries to come. [P.S. his execution is due in less than 4 hours time. 6 a.m of 2nd December] i really enjoy having interllectual conversations from time to time and while markk and i usually share similar views, he certainly brought up some interesting perspectives to consider too. he's a star! correction. he's my star!

we hogged the seats at NYDC for quite a while and finally adjourned to Ben&Jerry's (ice cream). not only did we get to taste many of the flavours, the young girls working there are really friendly and stuff (not that i'm THAT old myself). actually, one of them turned out to be my SC junior! sheesh!! we tried the mint, choc with nuts and mango lime sorbet - cannot remember their exact flavour names - and it was yummy. =) we discussed more about serious topics such as exams. how the command of the english language impacts your end result. the example i cited was that of a hardworking ah beng. Lim Ah Beng is very hardworking and does his studies conscientiously. so during his open book law exam, he was all prepared. however, he didn't understand the difference between "explain the deficiencies in the law" and "describe the deficiences in the law". so while the question was on explaining. he went to describe it. he failed. reason being that since english is his 2nd language, he couldn't tell the difference between explain and describe. many of you reading this wonder, yeah yeah, primary school words. but it does make a crapload of a difference. when you're explaining the deficiencies in the law, you're looking at talking about why the law is deficient in the following ways blah blah blah, when describing the deficiences, you're just merely stating what they are. 1) _________ 2)_________. there is a world of difference! so poor Lim Ah Beng fails! but if you explain to him what the question is about (see, if you substitute "explain" for "describe" in this statement, the statement takes on a different meaning), i am sure Lim Ah Beng would have aced the exam, because he is hardworking and he has his stuff with him. tough luck eh.

after our Ben&Jerry's ice cream, we walked back to cityhall to part ways. before that, we stopped by at new urban male for perving. we both agree the sales guy there is cute - his nametag says junior. very very catchy and cute statement tees that they sell there, but we feel its overpriced. but one day, i just might get one.... i find some quite kinky! yeps, we do have the same taste in men.

today sure ended well. to me, time spent with markk is time well spent and precious. it's like a privilege i have and it makes me truly happy when i do. reason being is, for the past couple years, i never got much time with him for some reason. so now, it just makes me happy. i know i have a real bro whom i do love and stuff, but my real bro and i just don't click, on many levels. on so markk is like the brother i never really quite had and i think he plays the role well, for someone who doesn't have a sis. i truly appreciate him and can only pray and look forward to more time spent with him.

markk has this motto that he lives by - living everyday as though it was your last. if you think about it, thats so true. for example. whats the point of working 24hrs a day 7 days a week, accruing $1 million dollars in the bank and suddenly you get run down by a car and die on the spot? you never got to enjoy the pleasure for spending your hard-earned money. it's not worth it. life is about working hard and playing hard. like mark said, money can always be earned back. life cannot be brought back. enjoy yourself spend wisely not lavishly. thats why i told him at BODS "how often do you shop? shopping once in a while is good. do something for yourself for once" and i think it's so true. spend a couple hundred on clothes every few months is a lil treat for working hard. throw in a mani and pedi or spa... it's ok. everyone needs to pamper themselves. but don't overdo things. don't make shopping sprees a weekly, fortnightly affair. don't swear by your weekly mani/pedi or spa appts. this is what i call over-indulgence or, spending more than your earn. i don't think markk is like that, which is good, but i am recommending a facial/spa session for him to let steam from work and school (he studies too by the way). he needs it. he really does.

this is why i say i respect him for all it's worth.

[P.S. will post more on my views of the deficiences of the legal system and on nyugen's execution - which will have taken place by the time i wake up from my slumber. PLEASE SAY A PRAYER FOR HIM. THANKS.]