this weekend was pretty full on but fun, as you can see from the peekchers i'd posted up earlier. spent saturday mopping arnd at home, procastinating over my essay and was busy thinking what to wear for dinner - finally decided on my black bow cocktail dress. everyone really looked awesome, esp tina which is quite a transformation. for those who don't know her, all she wears is jeans and a black/navy blue tee. thats it, no other variation. but i managed to force her into a black skirt, peachy pink spag and a cream jumper. oh, and she wore heels!!

we went to BIN 305 for dinner. the dinner menu was limited but nevertheless, the food was great. afterall, we're paying for the quality!! joy looks as pretty as ever and we had such a good catch up over dinner. we then proceeded to valentino for some kick-ass tiramisu and raspberry/white choc cake. i love tiramisu!!

joy stayed over at our place... or rather, her old place. but it was kinda cold at night so i offered to share my double bed with her, because sleeping downstairs on the sofa bed with no quilt is almost cruel on a cold soon-to-be-winter's night. in the end, we stayed up chatting till almost 4am!!

4 hrs later, we were late for our ride to church and making a mad rush there.... i got ready in under 10mins! sheesh.... after church, i knocked out completely for a 4hr nap. somehow long the way, adrian called (adrian is new ah gong). i was playing cupid for him earlier and i fired my arrow at the target. it didn't miss but it deflected away, so needless to say, he's feeling abit crappy. so we decided to go for dinner, adrian, tina and i. and then angelina came along too! hadn't seen that girl in ages!

we went to this viet place for dinner in northbridge, in a bid to use up as many entertainment discount coupons as possible. the food wasn't too bad and we paid $15 per pax for 6 dishes. not bad i reckon. after that, we became kids again!! we went to timezone to shoot some hoops, i got thrashed by angelina and adrian got thrashed by tina.. haha. i knew that tina was a basketballer all this while but i didn't know angelina use to be one too! *boo you!* haha. but it was fun. then we played some banging thing which was hilarious...... and air hockey was like AWESOME because.. "WHO SCORED THE MOST NUMBER OF GOALS?" ok lah, not that i scored that many but our game play was pretty slow.

got "kicked out" of timezone at midnight because it was closing. came back and gelek my assignment but somehow, i did a kamakaze (or however else you spelt it) and killed my laptop without having saved a copy. and when i revived my comp, Word couldn't retrive it. great. ended up redoing my paper again and had to resort to late submission. no choice.

now its time to refuel to full tank and start exam mugging. my recent results have been abysmal, not to mention my poor attendance in class for the last few weeks. sighs...... i hate uni.

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

i kinda think this is true... hmms...

we are kids once again!! angelina, tina, adrian and i heading out for a late dinner before going to timezone for some fun... shooting hoops, banging on bambam baby and playing air hockey...

how happy am i that ah ma is back? joy is the bestest housemate i ever had. and i miss her so much. we headed out to this 4.5 stars restaurant called BIN305 and then to valentino for tiramisu and cakes. even tina dressed up in skirt! how cute.....crys looks as sophisticated as ever. love them all. =)

You Are 26 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

oh no!!! this is scary!!!

updates updates updates!

1. the princess of procastination is living her name up! she still has not started writing her final paper which is due on monday! horror of horrors...

2. i got back my businesS HIsTory paper. i'm someone who is very particular about presentation, so it's not surprising i actually painstakingly used some fancy schmancy folder to hold my paper. in addition to being screamed at by my lecturer in front of the whole cohort for 10 whole mintues, i got penalised for "making it difficult" for my lecturer to mark the paper. he said "you have commited the cardinal sin of wrapping each piece of paper in plastic and do you know how inconsiderate that is....." but the thing was i stuck blank pieces of post-its so he can just read and mark along without needing to remove the papers! kiasu was outraged when she heard about it.. she insisted i see the equity advisor. but i told her i'll let it drop. he's still making my final exam paper afterall. nevertheless, i fared ok... not the best, but reasonably ok.

3. cupid in action! gonna suss out the situation and help new ah gong. i mean, he's a great guy, what can i say? if anyone deserves any help..... it's him. i pray all goes well for him.

4. attended new ah gong's cell on thursday. oh my goodness..... it was hilarious. it was one of the guy's birthday so we had this sabo thing going on. first, we waxed his legs and arms.... and then new ah gong took rope and tied him up. we all carried him to this open field where we pinned him down. and then, we emptied a pail of water on him before throwing flour and eggs at him. the next thing i knew, the birthday boy came charging after me before tackling me to the ground, to make sure i kena the same fate. my french kitty berms!! *wails* it's now splattered with dried up flour. haha, i was joking with new ah gong that i got a white ass now. not to mention my cream MANGO jacket kena soil, grass and egg. booo... stupid ah gong! help him and then now i kena. haha. but he didn't escape clean too actually. he was..... floured pretty badly. and oh my goodness, the green tea cake is heavenly man. the best ever!! i want that! haha.

5. ah ma is backk. we're going for a gals night out tmr at this pretty posh dinner place, bin 305 wine.food. so exciting. the theme is: dress. but tina is refusing to wear one! arghhs.... i tried on all my dresses. i cannot fit into any of them anymore! *sob* i can only wear the one my mum brought for me recently.... but it's close to being formal. so nervous... i am worried i might be overdressed later. but it's heaps cute with a MASSIVE bow! i miss ah ma so much. =)

6. been smsing *him back and forth quite abit lately. i know *he's really stressed with assignments and all. sighs... why does my heart ache when i think of *him? i don't even know why i msg *him... just because i miss *him? it's not suppose to be the case. i guess i'm just a sucker, a sucker who never learns her mistakes. i hope new ah gong doesn't follow in my path.

7. i think distance is taking a toll on me and my friendships. i find it hard to put it into words, but it just is. i feel so detached from everyone - it sucks. but i miss my brobro alot. we never seem to be able to catch each other online. :( he bought me a statement tee, how cute. i am sure i am gonna love it to bits. i love him to bits! =) keep warm in UK!

8. i just feel like a random shout out to one of my girlies: queenin! surprised to see your name here? i just wanted to say i hope all is going well for you. haven't been catching you on msn and so i don't know how you are doing. but i miss you heaps and i am really touched that you still remember me!! haha. thanks for caring for me, i appreciate it. you're a very important friend to me regardless of how long we know each other ok..... don't think otherwise!

9. the latest song i am crazy about: babyface's what if. "but something in my heart would not let you go. i just wanna know. what if we were wrong about each other? what if you were really made for me? what if we were suppose to be together? would that not mean anything?... i still can't move on." ouch. i do wonder sometimes..... maybe i think too much.

10. 42 more sleeps to the biggest, most happening and awesome bday bash ever!! the combined bash of markie bro and rach meimei!! haha. =)

i was surfing my secondary school friends' friendsters and i saw that one of my SC friends is currently in first year law/commerce at uni of melb. i visited her blog and skimmed through bits about her crapping essays and how she considered giving up.... and then i thought about myself....

i remembered as a freshie, i couldn't handle the changes that came my way and i struggled like mad to keep my head above the water endlessly. many a times, i will call my parents breaking down. i don't want to be a lawyer and definitely, no way, an economist. so what the crap am i doing?? honestly, i have no clue. but i clung on to this course for my dear life. no, i was/am not doing this course for prestige or anything.. and really, if anyone thinks this course is glamorous, please, it is far from it.... i don't know what people are thinking.

3 years down the road, i have mixed feelings about it. as mark puts it "i fear for your life." yes darling.... i fear for my own sanity. i still don't know if i made the right call by hanging on, because whatever it is, it is exhausting. it gets tougher by the year and i don't see it backing down. first year contract law, i thought it was the shiats man. fourth year constitutional law, please just take me and my life.. i refuse to think any further. but what i can say, not that i am all-knowing, is that if anyone considers dropping law, please do it within the first 2 years of the course. don't let it drag. not only do you waste more money and time.... your efforts have been wasted. if you choose to hang on, be prepared, very prepared for the time ahead.

it seems like i have made my choice already. and i guess i have. perhaps i don't see myself coming out a sane person, but for sure..... i have come too far to back down. the workload is shit ass crazy, guidance minimal, amount of readings phenomenal and return of those "investment" negligable (for me anyways). but i have no choice but to hang in there....... i reckon at the end of it all, i will need a long stint at the psychiatric hospital.

and.... i know how you feel about me being here and toughing it out mark. i'm sorry.... i wish i was able to walk away or even better still, you helping me. but that's now how it is right? :( please take good care of yourself in the UK. i am so worried about you. *muacks* wub.

yesterday was pretty much one of the usual uni days - going class, missing class, taking arvo naps and stuff. only diff was i had a dinner appt last night. before mark and jeff get too excited about that, it wasn't a date ok. i went out with one of my church friends who was very close to joy last time, new ah gong. so we met up to talk about a certain topic, then he confessed to me he had an ulterior motive for meeting - to talk about how to chase someone. how cute.

so with aunt rach's very "happening" past, she outlined to new ah gong what she thought was for his best interests and such. however, if GOD had a funny way of spicing things up, when we proceeded from the dinner place to the coffee place, we bumped into *horror of horrors* the gossipers/jokers of our church. ok, so many those 2 guys aren't that bad, but they certainly gave new ah gong a crapload of crap, with one of them ringing up new ah gong's housemate's gf to gossip. if there's anything critical i'll say.... "this kind of behavior coming from a couple of 25 year olds?? sheesh..... grow up!" but yeahs. we had a really engaging conversation and i did enjoy myself. maybe because i am so rusty when talking about this bgr/crush thing that somehow it took me a while to dig up whatever i knew on this issue and address it to new ah gong. if there's anything, i hope that he had taken something, at the very least, away from my 2 cents worth.

coffee and a further chat along matilda bay, we headed next door to kachow tina where we proceeded for further chat till 1am!! far out! that is so shockingly late. by the time i got home, i was completely zonked and tucked myself into bed.

no work done, again. sheesh.... i am beginning to hate myself for this. other than that, today i woke up bright and early, but laziness got to the better of me, given the stormy weather and i missed some classes to stay in bed and hibernate. but finally i attended one of my tuts before heading to lunch with kiasu and grocery shopping. crap... my shopping list is disgusting:

1. one carton of buttermilk
2. two packets of arnotts dark chocolate biscuits
3. one bar of heaven honey nougat almond milk chocolate
4. one tub of extra creamy vanilla ice cream

man...... i am horrible. my excuse? exams... exams.. exams.....

today is just so unexpected. usually it's just a normal church day, after church we'll have lunch and then head home to do work, but today was a change!! a good one.

today at church, T's lookalike was avoiding me. great. uhhhh. not a nice feeling. in addition, after church i was hoping to catch new ah gong to discuss some stuff with him but there was this chick who was.. umm.. giving me the sour face when i tried to talk to him, so i backed off. those were probably the downside of today.

although i am accustom to a group of us going lunch each week, a group of around 6 or 7, today was quite funny, 16 of us ending up crashing KFC and the KFC people were like "oh my goodness, so many pple!" tina and i were complaining that we are the only "non-couple" people other than brian and his mother. after lunch, ling's ride left without her so we decided to drop her off at northbridge where she was meeting some other people. however, once we were at northbridge, we ended up getting bbt.

back at the car, tina was saying her entertainment book is expiring on the 1st of june so we shld use as many coupons as possible. the entertainment book is a yearly thing where like you pay $60 for membership to get this book FULL of discounts from like one for one meal vouchers at fast food places or 25% of total bills at high class restaurants or discounted movie tickets/bike hiring/entrance passes and stuff. hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of discount. all for just $60 per year! so.... we took the entertainment book out and sat at the northbridge park looking at what we shld do. timezone (the arcade) was offering "buy one $5 powercard and get another $5 free"... so like typicall money-saving students... off we went to the arcade!!

it was fun. we raced daytona, played time crisis II, air hockey and basketball. we ended up chocking up like 55 tickets and i exchanged it for a banana ring! how cute is that!!! we thought it was the end of our day out but somehow or another, we ended up shooting pool at potblack for the next 2 hours because we had the "pay for 1hr and get another hr free" coupon. we had so much fun! i lost to tina 1-5. boohoohoo.

as if it wasn't late enough (7ish) and i was bummed, we decided to go to one of the upperty restaurants coz they were having the one for one meal deal, using our coupon. i ordered the pork fillets with grilled asparagus, potato fritata and mushroom sauce and tina ordered the slow braised lamb shanks with potato gratin. what can i say, the food was awesome... but i tell you what rocked my day.... CHOCOLATE FONDUE!!!!!! heaven.. bliss.... marshmellows, strawberries and sponge fingers... drenched in melted chocolate. awwww..... and guess what?? we paid a total of only $33.50 for this entire meal!! (considering the pork main course was $26 alone!)

dinner was awesome and what made it even better was the conversation. although tina is a good 5 years my senior, we share alot of similaries... esp what we look for in guys (because ling and tina have been harassing me about new ah gong). yeaps, and it's really fun hanging arnd her because she is always smiling and full of energy. given her 2005/2006 entertainment book is expiring on the 1st of june. we both agree to share the next 2006/2007 entertainment book. given most discounts are usually "one for one" or something to that effect, and amount of discounts in that book is ridiculous.. one person will never finish using them unless they go out everyday, both of us agree to invest $30 each and share. makes sense since we do hang out quite abit and not practical for each of us to get one each. so we're sharing.

honestly, the book is sooo worth it i encourage anyone in perth to invest in one. the savings are massive!! it has discounts for everything you can think of: KFC, boost juice, java juice, gym, spa, rockclimbing, horse riding, entrance to the museum, movie tickets, hungry jacks.. and all the high class restaurants and cafes. awesome..

what a fun day.... i'm so shagged. i didn't do any work but i just can't remember a day i had this much fun. so thank GOD for today!! =)

this is bad. when i get sucked into some sappy song called "what if" by babyface, 2 things happen:

1. dinner with *him
2. junior comes online, after that "fateful conversation".

i asked him how is his new chick. and he says she is fine. nice....

i wonder if he remembered that night. when we were @ ynot. when he had his arms around me protecting my toes (sounds corny i know). when we went for a spin and settled outside some secluded 7-11 for coffee and a midnight snack at telok ayer. when we trudged out to amara hotel to use the bathroom at 3am. when we sat by the side of the road looking so unglam, talking. when he held me close to him to block me when we heard gunshots. when we dropped mark off and he saw me off in a cab. when i hang out with him at his workplace, learning to "master" the art of folding tees. and most importantly, when he told me twice that i would be his girlfriend that very instant if he was straight. i wonder.

why are my worst nightmares resurfacing at the same time? and lastly i wonder why i am wondering all these things when i am suppose to be moving on! *bangs head*

quite a few things happened in these couple days so i'll get straight into it.

- yesterday was quite low key. lunch with tina @ broadway and accompanied her to look at guits @ the guitar shop. told her that the normal size guit always look too huge for her tiny frame and she said she's been considering getting a smaller frame one. it was nice singing acoustic at the shop! i miss gigging. we then proceeded to subi markets for me to stock up on fruits. i love making fruit smoothies!! somehow we got distracted and ended up having dinner at cino's.

- my exam timetable is out. it is pure crap. threw me into such a foul mood. poor xing bore the brunt of my rantings on msn "video conversations". the exams, for me, will be clumps of papers with hardly any breathing space. the next thing that got me in such an agitated mood is that my last paper is on the 20th, 2pm. meaning i have to postpone my flight back home. this is NOT what i had envisioned.

- spent the whole night watching the new episodes of "house" before sleeping. i woke up at 12 noon to my horror. got out of bed, fussed arnd and then went to the library to meet kiasu to help her with her constitutional law paper. while i was there, i caught up with some of my monetary economics readings, in preparation for the paper that i have to start writing soon.

- got home and got chatting with crys online. if there's anything positive that came out of these few days, i think it's that our relationship has improved. it wasn't sour before, just strained. but now it's better, chatting more often online [tsk, and she stays under the same roof as me].

- i know this part will annoy xing and caro... they will go like "rachieeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! what did i/we tell you??" okok. it just got me thinking, when do you really fall out of love with someone? anyways. *he msged me out of the blue and asked me if i wanted to go for dinner with him. frankly, given that i ate a crapload for lunch and tea, i wasn't hungry at all. but somehow, i couldn't say no. he asked me last night too but by then, i had already taken dinner at cino's with tina. he told me to meet him at broadway but when i got out of my house, horror of horrors, he was waiting outside. conversation was awkward and a little strained but nevertheless, we survived. we shared dinner this time round, like the old times. as he was queuing to get a drink, i looked in and i thought to myself "when will you stop caring? when will you stop hurting?" i remember telling mark some time back that i'm over it. but watching him, everything seems so familiar. how can you go from seeing someone almost everyday for 1 year to only seeing that very person twice a year? he walked me home after dinner before returning back to uni to meet his project mates.

- i have been thinking alot about the ring on my finger. and 3 days ago, i took it off the 4th finger and hung it on my necklace. the ring is still as important as me and still retains its great significance. it will never lose that value. but i just told myself it's time. time to take myself off the "not looking" chart. it feels odd really, coz i have grown accustom to accidentally scratching myself on the face with the diamond or twirling/fingering the ring when i am nervous/bored. but i'll be fine. life is about moving on and i am learning to embrace that. living in the past is tiring.

- okok, xing and caro.. don't scold me ok. my heart just isn't listening to my head. don't worry about me. i am not as shaken as last week. *hugs* love you girls sooooooo much. =)

the urge to post the collage of my bestie again because i miss him! i miss everyone else but currently too lazy to do more collages. this is the one i did for his birthday about a month ago.. i can still remember each photograph and its origin vividly. the top left is when G fractured his tailbone when he first got into police and was under "house confinement", so i had to go to his house to entertain him. the bottom right photo is when G got into singapore idol. =) tell all tell a story and i will never forget.

last night went not too badly. initially, when crys and i got to church, we were like "why are there so many old people here? where's the youth?" but yeahs, we found out most of them are going tonight. nevertheless, i think it was a good experience for crys to go and we both took a little something away from the session and all.

after the session, tina suggested we shld go for coffee. since i bumped into new ah gong there, i decided to ask him along. and i couldn't have called a better shot. given that he use to be so close to ah ma (duh), it gave us a better opportunity to know him better.

so we had a really good chat at makan makan, this place frequented by curtin students until we were chased out when we closed. but we were so absorbed in our conversation we stood outside makan makan in the bitter cold (crys was underdressed) and chatted for a further one and a half hours until we realise *gasp* it's 2am!! new ah gong was so sweet, walking us 3 girls to our cars because he insisted "this is vic park area and 3 girls are never safe enough". definitely won brownie points with all of us.

when we got back, crys and i were chatting on msn about him. haha, i mean, who else can we talk about right?? although i think new ah gong is attracted to crys' "demure-ness" and pretty looks, somehow, she turned the convo into a discussion of me and new ah gong. so here is what i told her and now you people:

at first glance, he isn't the type i go for. he isn't very good looking (while neither am i so it doesn't matter) but he has a very quaint charm about him. if there's anyone who knows something about the guys i go for, it is that they have to mellow, while having a tinge of cheekiness, because i cannot tolerate flambuoyant guys nor extremely boring ones. and well, crys and i agreed he is definitely the mellow and laid back sort of guy, while retaining abit of humour in what he says. next i like the fact that he is very family-oriented, being close to his older sis and all. BUT, all this being said, i don't think there's chemistry on his side, nor my side. he'll make a really good friend. but..... that's it!!

he is a really really nice guy though. and given this is my first "official" outing with him, i do feel that sense of comfort in hanging out with him unlike most guys. but this probably just me good buddies. right G? friendship with the opposite sex, it so impt to be totally comfortable with one another.

everyone is just feeling so down.

people back home like jeff and caro. crys and i. all of us feeling just so crapped.

...... crys and i will be attending a healing session together tomorrow. it will do her plenty of good and hopefully our strained relationship some good. i wldn't say things are bitter between us, but it's just been so... strained. everyone is just so unhappy. esp crys.

i have a resolution. to be a better person. this resolution came about when a friend called someone else "monkey boy", someone she didn't even know, and i thought to myself, "its hurtful and downright rude to call someone you don't even know them." immediately, James chapter 3 popped into my mind - titled "the unruly tongue". how apt indeed. if anyone has experienced the wrath of my gap, it's xing's friend. so she knows what i am talking about. so far, i think i have progressed heaps from last time. but i have a long way more to go. much room for improvement!!

other than that, it's so saddening when you make the first step in establishing a friendship but there's no feedback. it's also disappointing. oh wells. but like what junior said "na de ji, fang de xia", direct translation 'being pick it up, put it down'. meaning, if you started something by picking it up, you better be able to drop it off and end it. something like that. i'll just listen to his wise words for now. i miss junior.

gonna let it burn.......

it's been awhile since i've updated and loads have been going on. and you know, i have the tendency to ramble on.. (like now..) so anyhow, here's the recent ongoings in randomness:

1. tis' the season for breakups. 3 extremely close friends of mine are going through such a rough time now, you guys know who you are. and whatever it is, you have my unwavering 100% support. for the 2 of you, i wish i could be by your side during this period of difficult time but sadly circumstances don't permit such an arrangement. :( love you guys loads.

2. forces me to reconsider this whole issue of bgr. where do you draw the line at being a realist (sometimes love just ain't enough) and an idealist (love conquers everything)? on a scale of one to ten, one being realist and 10 being idealist, i'll rate myself a 2.5. a little extreme? perhaps. or maybe i just don't have confidence in myself. i know i haven't been looking for quite awhile.. it's been tough after two consecutive times where "the heart got blended" but who knows, maybe i'm ready. just maybe. but whatever it is, i am scared crapless, honestly. because the heart hasn't recovered fully.

3. my business history paper was due today. since 2 months ago, i have been working on sandalford winery, even going on-site to interview some chap (who proved to be less than useful). in the end, 70 hours before the 3k word paper was due, i made a ground-breaking decision - i had to change topic. simply because i have exhausted all possible resources and i just don't have sufficient info to write 2k words, let along 3k. this sparked off a mad rush on saturday night, researching online till the wee hours, bringing my printed readings to church, rushing off to the state library to research, spending sunday night reading and consolidating all info and then writing it on monday. what a crazy thing to do, considering the paper is worth 25% of my total grade. anyhow. i think i pulled it off.

4. monetary economics mid-sem was a flop. what can i say? considering my replies to the essay question "of course!" and "we have not covered this in class.". well, the marker did acknowledge the crappy humour though. the whole cohort did really badly, somehow and they had to scale the marks up by 10%. but even then, it didn't save my arse. initially i took it badly, but as my friends console, i was sick, on MC and going through one of the crappiest times in australia. nevertheless, i hate it. i don't like to study for something and then fail. that's why i have been saying for so long, maybe i just ain't cut for economics (not that my law is that fantastic).

5. the submission of the business history research paper means i am left with one more paper to write - the most dreaded monetary economics research paper, worth a whopping 20%. i say whopping because i am heavily dependent on it! this semester, i feel like some kind of half-past-six academic, having to write papers for law/economics each week. it's exhausting, mentally, physically and emotionally.

6. i am sick again! for like the umpteenth time. everyone is no stranger to rach whinging about sickness. this time, i know the source - i caught the flu from the person i had lunch with on friday. now, everyone told me not to go lunch with him specifically (it's not because he was sick) but rather because of some.. umm, past relations (no, he's not the ex-boyfriend). well, and now i have no idea how i caught the bug from him when we were sitting so far apart. i remember how he and i use to spread illnesses to one another, back and forth last year when we were study buddies then.

7. speaking of him, i see his look-alike so often now it's driving me a lil nuts. i just keep repeating to myself "rach, you don't wanna get burnt again.. this just spells TROUBLE." and its true, i don't want to, i'm just scared of playing with fire. i think i must look like some mad woman talking to myself.

8. my crapping housing problem still continues! i thought it will get better when crys got back.. but the problems just blew out of proportion. i can only pray it will resolve soon. it's taking a huge toll on crys and i. she's depressed and i'm confused, frustrated and insomniac. i can't wait to move back to the city!! i am just gonna miss my room, which has been my little haven, home away from home for 2 whole years. :(

9. markie bro is leaving for the UK in 2 days time! it's gonna be harsh for me because psychologically, i know he's so so so so much further than he already is. all i want him to do is to take excellent care because he has to come back for (and before!) me. and hopefully he has loadsa fun too.... have a safe trip yahs brobro. *muacks* wub wub. haha.

10. last week, when i was staying at the hotel, i was enjoying this live gig happening at the bar downstairs of my hotel. the duo were taking requests and i asked for david tao's katrina. somehow or another, the next thing i knew, i was up on stage, everyone cheering me to go on and sing. man, i was shaking. i have never sung in front of an audience with just the guit. i didn't even know the guitarist to familiarise myself with the song, key and his style of playing. utterly pertrified. but after the first stanza, things warmed up and we sung better together. the guitarist is an excellent harmonizer. awesome. by the end of the song, i was comfortable. which i thought is a very unusual thing for me because i don't like being in the spotlight. let along being scrutinised for my singing (and the funniest thing is i use to organise the school concerts when i was much younger because i was the guild vice-president and i do MC-ing for very special people's parties). i love acoustic settings but the problem is that its just the guit and you so if you sing offkey, thats it!! still, maybe i should consider gigging.

oh no, i still rambled!! arghhs...

From the Inside Out

by Hillsongs United 2006

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

this song resonates in my head, speaking volumes to me. i hope it has a similar effect on whoever reading this.

i'm down with insomnia, despite being consumed with tiredness and illness. i don't wanna break down again. not when i haven't even recovered from the last round. please GOD, i need sleep, i need to sleep.

i know i haven't been online for awhile. sorry if i scared anyone. i am coping. i just snapped. had enough of his shit and of life. didn't turn up for school for a good few days now. today i was forced to return because of my deferred business history exam. i gloriously screwed up monetary economics so i thought it'll be the same for BH. but i am confident the paper for BH i wrote was of passing standard but how well exactly, i have no idea. but i reckon it's good enough for me for now.

so far i haven't spoken much to the peope in singapore. it's mostly me, myself and rach. couple of sms exchange with CJ and a brief chat with sir jeff. thanks jeffie for the support. sorry to markk bro, xing and caro for not saying anything. i don't know myself anymore.

i'll update soon enough. the mac i am using in the uni is a pain in the arse to type. just wanted to let you guys know i didn't vanish nor commit any suicide. i am surviving (and eating very well for that matter, xing can vouch that. haha). the weight is x + 3, x being the weight before i left singapore. i wish i can be like amy, losing 6,8 kg. damn. i love my food (and chocolates!!) too much.

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	irresistable
Your smell is...	refreshing
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	one of a kind
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