thank you for the advanced birthday present.
i believe, the first you have given me in our 7 years of "knowing" each other. this reply is long overdue. and i believe, this moment is definitely the apt time to reply.
for me, what burnt the most during this 7 years was carrying around the pain of being gossiped about/ostrasized. for something which was never meant to surface; for a childish spur of a moment err. i chose, at 14, to disappear. at that point in time, it seemed right, justified. maybe if i could do things differently again, i would do this differently. whatever it may be, disappearing didn't mean the pain lessened. no. it haunted me. in school, at night. and these years of being kept apart...... my mind always wandered back. all the what ifs.
finding you after 5 years, it was bittersweet. once burnt, twice shy. but 5 years on, i truly believed i was ready to have a friendship with you. i was hurt and scared. trust me, it wasn't just you. i was farking scared shitless. initially, as much as i didn't care what people thought/said, i definitely did not want to reopen another can of worms - generating more talk. now, i shld know better not to care what people see and talk about.
i believe i have let the past go. i don't know about you. its clear we both do not want to deal with more 'what ifs' and bear more regrets. we may be wary about each other, but we both know there is this invisible force holding us together. something we can't shake off or break off. so its for us to make the best of it. and try.
for one more day. "if you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? and if you did, would you be big enough to stand it?" yes i would, i would....
thank you for the 21st present.
