"For All Time" -Soluna

You've been the first in my life
Who has ever made me feel this way
And I will not deny
I'm gonna need you right here
By my side

Baby, I can't wait
(come and hold my hand and let me lead the way)
Let me take your breathe away
(by holdin' and kissin' and lovin' and touchin' you)
Never will be too late
(see myself through your eyes)
Baby, I can't wait
(until the day I hear you say)

[CHORUS]
You are mine
There's no other one for me
Keep in mind
You make my life complete
And tonight
We'll make love endlessly
Cuz you're mine
You're the one that I'll keep
For all time

Now that you're here, boy
I'm never gonna let you go
Can I touch you there, oh
Do you mind if we kiss real slow
You're my everything
You're my hopes and dreams
Baby, you know it ain't no lie
I'm gonna be with you till the day I die

Baby, I can't wait
(come and hold my hand and let me lead the way)
Let me take your breathe away
(holdin' and kissin' and lovin' and touchin' you)
Never will be too late
(see myself through your eyes)
Baby, I can't wait
(no no, til the day I hear you say)

[CHORUS]

You're the one that lights my fire
You're the one that keeps me strong
You're the one that I depend on
When my world is goin' wrong
You're the one that I hold closer
You're the man I'm dreaming of
And I really really love you
I just want you to know that

[CHORUS 2X]

I can't wait till the day
I hear you say
You're the one that I need
You're the one that I'll keep
For all time

For tht special someone.

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

The more I think abt it, the more I want to cry. I know he doesn't like me and I never did expect it, but it's just so depressin and tht I've no one in particular tht I'm prepared to tell other than my "bro" Mark and Gerald.

Can't you see I'm hurtin
I need you with me
To be tht Guy in my life.

All night I pray to God
Askin Him for directions
I'm lost
Without you.

So wht if I'm "nice"?
Everyone's nice to me too.
But I know I can't be more to you
If all you can sum up is nice.

I need to get on.
Be strong
And I'll find myself once again.

Quick update on the subject of my interest. No it hasn't faded or disappeared with a magical "POOF!", unfortunately.

On the contrary, he's growin rapidly on me, like....er, moss to a dirty drain, which definitely is NOT GOOD. (Or hygenic for tht matter). This is also prob the reason why I'm in MISERY. I've finally moved on and, this is wht I get? Some explanation pls? Harlo? But anywho, I keep remindin myself tht wht I have intended might not necessarily be wht God has planned for me. (Though I'm desperately prayin tht it is.) Coz seriously, this round, I think I'll be seriously hurt and saddened. (this is very serious business as ya can see.)

Cheers guys. Feelin pretty low to actually type on further. *huggies*

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

Goin to squeeze some time out before my Math class at 3.45pm. Ya know, these few days, I'm really honoured and fortunate to have a good friend share with me her probs. With all due repsect for her privacy her name and probs will be withheld in this entry.

As I was listenin to her probs, I realize I am absolutely powerless to do anythin to tk away her troubles or ease her sorrows. Definitely do I empathize with her, but all her grievances can be tken away only by God. Often enough, I always tell the pple who come to me lookin for "Aunt Agony" tht as much as I like to listen to them, advise them, it's not within my power to tell them the shld-nots and shld-dos when it comes to matters concernin the heart. Because as a bystander, unlike them, I do not have the emotionals ragin in me tht will conflict my logical functionin of the brain. More often then not, the pple who come to me are odler than me, and I humbly believe tht they have at least a yr's more life experiences than I do, which is why sometimes, I just provide tht listenin ear and nothin more. Although my whole heart extends out to them. Love my friends dearly.

Yes, wht I may say to "console" or advise them sounds logical, but it's somethin tht everyone with common sense can acknowlege too when they are "cool" with happenins arnd them. I'm sayin this because I myself know tht when I am entrapped in all this emotional turmoil, I simply can't think straight too. I'll be the one turnin to others goin "How? Wht shld I do?" When in reality, I know wht I shld be doin, but due to my present emotional stage, I simply can't.

Wht I told my friend was "Pray abt it. Talk to God." It's pretty much as simple as tht. When the goin gets tough, the tough gets goin. But more imptly, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Embrace wht comes to ya as a teachin frm God. Then gradually, ya are moulded into bein a God-like person as ya pull through each trial tht God has set for ya. I know in my previous entries I have never made much effort in bringin in this issue of religion. Yes, it's very personal and I know tht where am I am today, I have God to thank. For the good and bad. Each day in itself is a blessin. More often than none, pple always go "It's been such a crap day... nothin's gone by way..." I'm no exceptional. But we, in our busy ho-hum lives, fail to notice the beauty and blessings of life arnd us. And I think we all need to tk out some time to appreciate the little things tht didn't go wrong in our day rather than focus on the wht-went-wrong in tht particular day.

This is esp for my friend to let her know tht she is in my prayers everyday. Prayin she will have a peace of mind to focus on her priorities and the strength to persevere on each day. May she be a positive livin testimony to all those arnd her. I hope this entry tickles ya thoughts for today in reconsiderin ya position and priorities today.

Hope this wasn't too long an entry. Tryin to be succint as I need to rush off to class. Tk care coz I care guys. Love ya all. Cheers.

"Cast your cares upon Him" Psalm 145:9 (I hope it's correct)

Wrote a poem a while back. Over my 3min bus ride journey home. So I guess it's all raw, pls don't expect much.

I'll never forget the look on you face
When you looked up at me
"Pls don't let me die"
You whispered
As I cld only choke back mounting tears
Tht threatened to spill over.

"No I won't let you go"
I promised
Hoping it sounded convincing to you
And me
Blood gushing from your chest
Staining your clothes and mine
A deep crimson red.

"I'm scared"
You mumbled
Watching as life ebbed away from you
You gasp as your eyeballs rolled over
Your chest heaving.

Pls don't let him suffer anymore
I thought
Tears squeezing past my tightly shut eyes
"I love you so much"
I heard myself say
"You always be in my heart."

You look into my eyes a final time
Those puppy eyes I fell in love with
Tht will be forever etched in my memory
And said painstakingly
"You complete me"
Beore you exhaled your last breath
In my arms.

"Noooooo..."
A cry of anguish escaped my throat
Realty knows better
"Do you know how much those words meant to me?"
I asked you
I cld hear you going
"No."

It meant the world to me, D, I thought
If only you knew
If only.

Things aren't lookin good in regards to the previous blog. Yapz. Not sure if he's found out, though I highly doubt it, but anywho. Oh well. Alittle sad, bruised but no one can always expect their subject of interest to reciprocate mutual feelins all the time right? Sob.

Need to focus on my work. Seriously. I've found myself day-dreamin and thinkin abt tht particular who-who the whole day, which isn't healthy on my academic position. Found myself wallowin in depressin, melancholy love songs, moppin arnd distractedly. Is tht how love-sick pple behave?? Not good. Definitely not. I need to prep myself for the exams, and not simply just spendin all my perfectly precious time thinkin "Wht if... wht if not?" Need to wash my brain and flush out the certain who-who out!

"Love is friendship set on fire."
Jeremy Taylor -

Hey guys. Think this is pretty confessional. No no, I didn't do anythin wrong. Just kinda like a guy. (Is tht wrong? as long as it isn't a girl....) Anywayz. No names here, or not someone who knows him might "report" it back. Better watch my ass.

He's a total cool guy. Really sweet (to all girls) so I can't say he gives me special treatment. Yapz. Not particular hot, just cute. Don't think he likes me (in tht way) but no surprise there isn't it? I'm not pretty or rich or somethin. Hence, I don't think I really dare to hope for much. See how it goes.

Tk care guys. Miss ya all. *hugs* God bless. Cheers.

Right now as I'm speakin (or typin), I'm at the BioMed Library. (Or is it BioScience Lib?) It's my first time here but it's like a 30sec walk to Ashmund's and Trina's place which is where I'm bunkin overnight because I want to get some study done without the worry of findin transport home. Feelin a little depressed because I'm ill with a cold and am experiencin a pimple outbreak. Actually, I don't know why, even since I came here in Feb, I've been havin heapsa breakouts and it's been so annoyin.

This round is no diff. Havin a really sore and angry-lookin zit right next to my mouth. Don't tell me by the time I return in June, there's no more space left on my face. Sigh. Anyhow. Exams are comin up pretty soon. I'm stressin abt it now since I've been a major slacker since I started sch and hence, not been accomplishin up to standard. Yapz.

Hope ya guys tk good care of yaself! Sendin all my love back home. Cheers.

"Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching."

"Unwell" by matchbox twenty

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

(Chorus)
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think
There must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

(Chrous)

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

(Chorus)

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Hey. This was prob the song of the yr for me last yr. Drove my whole homestay up the wall with this. My homestay mum says tht everytime she hears this, she still thinks of me. It's very personal and meaningful to me. I believe tht most pple will have times tht they can relate to this. I definitely can. Esp comin frm an urban lifestyle in Sgp, there's just times ya need to pause for a breather or ya'll end up malfunctionin in a sense. Don't know wht I'm talkin here. Enjoy.

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

Somethin popped in my eye. Actually, I'm not sure, but somethin's pretty disgustin abt my right eye now as there's this bloodied patch on the sclera of my eye (I know my Bio stuff, it's the white part of the eye guys). Consulted my care grp resident doctor for his opinion and he told me tht if there's much concern for my eye, I shld go to the A&E of either the Royal Perth Hosp or Sir Charles Gardner, which if I'm not wrong, the latter is where he works at. Msg some pple to pray for me as not only am I scarin other pple, I'm scarin myself everytime I look into the mirror. Practically jumped in fright when I caught sight of myself in the mirror at sch in the last evenin.

Anywho. My care grp leader was really nice abt it and rang me up. Micah was tryin to decide which part of my eye was wrong as it's kinda hard to explain on the phone. He's a last yr Vet Sci student so I hope he isn't confusin animal eyeballs for humans. Anyway, I think they are all pretty similar as I dissected a sheep's eye and a pig's eye before. Cool stuff. Did the kidney, heart and brain too. Not bad for someone who's doin somethin totally not Bio now I suppose. (Self-praise is no praise.)

Special mentions today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOR! (This is indeed for my REAL bro). Doubt he'll be readin this but anywho. Got him this real nice clubbin shirt frm this newly discovered boutique called Essential Man. A definite must go for all guys. Definitely essential. Most stuff there are reasonably priced and very smart casual, urban hippie. He told me the shirt's a tad too small but still very wearable for clubbin. Yes! Think I'll get him somethin else before I return frm there. He's 21 now! And I'm turnin 18 so he was like sayin in the email (quoted) "I'll tk ya clubbin one day, not too often or dad will be cross.... good timing as ya'll be turnin legal in July." Hmmm. We'll see abt tht. Not tht I don't wanna go out with my bro, but hey man! We're not really the same huh. But I'm gonna make the effort. I will.

Goin to do some work. Tk care guys. Need to start gettin back to study mode. Coz seriously at my current position, I'm not gonna pass at all. Cheers.

Sean and Cherie left for Singapore yesterday on a more permanent basis. Heaps of pple turned up to send them off coz they are heaps popular. It's really sad, but I think the pple who will feel the wham-bam effect will be Trina and Ashmund, who are their housemates. Poor Ash. He did look really sad (he's my "driver") but he'll be seein them soon enough as it's his last sem here. Thinkin abt it makes me sad, as I think he's an awesome guy, very good tempered, natured and easy goin, but responsible enough when he comes to pick-up timings. Huimin and I agree he's a top dude.

Anywayz. I'm settlin into the care grp really well. Pple there are hell cool and nice. Gettin along fine with Jacob. Now now, don't tease me abt the "Jacob married Rachel in the Bible" thing. He's hell cute and funny. I think I must have looked really sad and tired at the airport coz he linked his arm arnd my neck, which felt really good coz I thought of collapsin in exhaustion anytime soon. There ya go. Another top dude.

Things in sch aren't gettin any easier as I've been slackin. Huimin and I are gonna buy off Law notes frm a Senior as our notes are too jumpy here and there. We're forever tkin notes but it's never accurate or enough. Luckily I've found my little grp of friends in Law, Huimin, CHADSTER!, Alicia and Julie. CHADSTER's hell cute too! Right Chad? Haha. Exact replica of Marcus. So yapz. Been doin some major slackin. But exams are comin so I need to wake up fast and go into major muggin man. Or I will just FAIL, which is highly likely as I've mucked my Econs mid-sems and I did disgustingly badly. Don't think I wanna stay any longer than 5.5yrs, which is my course duration.

Got to run guys. Tk care. Stay heaps cool. Will be back to paint the town red soon. Cheers.

Some other nonsensical stuff tht I did when young
(1) Thought it was "cool" to swing arnd the metal pole and rush out of the MRT at City Hall, Sgp's busiest MRT station shoutin the Ninja Turtle's famous words "Kawabunga!" (I was 3 then)
(2) Not sleep at all on the 30hr flight to LA, lockin myself in the toilet and playin with the water till my mum was summoned by the stewardess to tk me out of there as a queue was formin.
(3) On the same flight, callin the air stewardess "waitress" at the top of my voice and askin for more Haahen Daaz at 4am.
(4) Still on the same flight, sing really loudly some Chinese TV serial theme song and talk to the pple sittin along the aisle seats. (I was 6)

I think I must have appeared a tad bit too over-emotional in the previous entry. Let's work on somethin more light-hearted shall we? I've got this new care grp in church now, no longer than old one and though it's a little early to tell now, but I think it'll be quite nice. My new leader's Micah (he's a last yr Vet Sci student) and we have sub-leaders Jeff (2nd yr Med student), Roslind (no idea how to spell her name and all I know is she is a UWA student) and Jason (don't know much abt him).

The group members are pretty cool too, there's the resident doctor David, Barry, Carine, Grace (the hairdresser tht cut my mum's hair), Huimin, Jacob and I (I think). I know I'm one blur block, but I'm not sure if tht's everyone in mt grp. Anyhow. Somethin I've learnt in church is tht Jacob was madly in love with Rachel before marryin yr after 11yrs. I thought tht was awesome. He waited 11yrs!!! *gushes* Hell cool.

Hmmmm. It's been pretty cold nowdays, stormy and all. Lookin at current appearance, I look like I'm migratin to Iceland today. GUYS! Ya guys know me right.. I HATE THINGS THT PAST MY KNEE and today, I'm wearin the LONGEST skirt ever for the 1st time! (not countin my prom gown). It's WAY TOO DECENT A LENGTH. Past my knee! *faints* and I'm in leggins coz when I left the house, it was mighty windy! I think I can hear some pple cheerin. Geez! No wonder my legs feel so contricted today.

Hope ya guys are doin alright. Oh yes. OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I will be returnin home on the 19th of June. Any further changes, I'll let ya guys know. WOOHOO! But this means exams are comin. *shudders* which I know I can't make it through.

Tk care. Love ya all. Cheers. *hugs*

Ya guys might think I must been leavin in RA-RA land if I told ya tht sch has been on-goin for more than 9wks and yet, I still feel like I don't belong in uni. I can't pinpt exactly wht it is, but I'm never felt quite settled in UWA. It's not the uni, but more the fact tht I am in Uni. I'm only 17, turnin 18. Call me a baby, but I don't quite think I am ready for this transition to uni.

Most of my friends in Commerce and Econs are older while those in Law are arnd the same age. It shld brin my comfort to know tht the most pple in Law are the same age, but it doesn't. Coz I've never quite fitted in. I don't expect to. I'm one of the few International students in Law (which can be counted with 1 hand) and the asians there are predominantly ABCs. I don't belong there. Don't say tht I don't try. I did once (at some fresher picnic) but it was disastrous. I'm not venturin there anymore.

As for Commerce and Econs, yap, pple are hell nice and I feel totally at home. But sometimes, I feel tht pple treat me as littler. Call me over-sensitive, I don't know. But all I'm sure of is, I belong in JC or Poly or ITE, which ever is willin to accept me. Am I bein pedantic? Perhaps. I can only say I'm doin this for someone whom I want him to be proud of me. To be proud tht I picked up myself after tht part of me inside when he left. How long can I hold on?

One thing I've learnt frm college is tht: You can only work for yourself. NO one can. For yrs through primary and secondary sch, I studied for my parents, esp my Mum. Pple who know my family will know I am nowhere as smart nor gifted than my bro, who outshines me in everythin. I wanted to do well simply to please my parents. But tht simply will not do. It's only in college tht I realize tht the motivation comes frm within. To study for yaself and be proud of ya own achievement then will ya truely succeed. And I think I've proven tht fact for myself. But one cannot simply rest on his/her laurels.

Now as I have overcome tht barrier, a new hurdle is ahead of me and this time, it's so much more overwhelmin then before, somethin tht I hadn't really embraced myself for. I'm not sure how long I can cling on to whtever driftwood tht passes before sinkin. I'm not failin at uni, but I'm not doin well either. It's not me. I don't want to earn heaps money next time. Just enough for my dad, mum, godma and alittle left for me. I don't want a glamorous lifestyle tht I will end up payin the ultimate price for. Someone pls show me some direction. Email me at paperbox08@yahoo.com.sg and post me ya comments.

Thanks. Tk care guys. *hugs* Cheers.

Pop quiz:

1. Which is the court of highest authority in Aust.?
(1) Supreme Court
(2) Full Court
(3) High Court

2. Which of the following is NOT a court in England?
(1) Court of Exchequer
(2) Duke's Bench
(3) House of Lords
(4) King's Bench

3. Which of the following is an Act?
(1) Exotic dieases of Animals Act 1993
(2) Companies Registration Act 2000
(3) Betting (Controls and Securities) Act 1982

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

"When the person ya love most is gone, is [s]he really gone forever?" This is the caption of a movie tht I chanced upon the billboard 2yrs ago. It's stuck with me like glue every since then.

For pple who know me and my past situation, I've held on to tht caption very dearly to me for every single wakin day because recovery doesn't come easy. Life's so fragile and we never know wht lies ahead of us. And this notion has been reinforced once again when death hits close to home or home to someone ya know. I knew of someone who just lost family suddenly. And I can't imagine the shock and grief tht the family is experiencin right now. It's simply unthinkable.

There's of course nothin much I can do but keep them in my thoughts, which I undoubtedly. I can't picture myself goin through hell again, somethin tht I can't say "to hell and back" because I'm not quite sure if I fit into the "back" catogery. Don't mean to sound so sombre here but yap, it's prob my thought of the day.

Cheers.

"Always remember coz tht way, ya'll never forget."

I've always thought tht Sgpeans were pretty shallow pple. (sorry guys) Hear me out before ya guys go whingin. The thing tht has always made me uncomfy with Sgpeans (me included) is tht we tend to stereotype pple by their skin colour, qualifications or status. I'm not sayin I'm totally innocent of tht, which make me even more ashamed because for one to acknowledge tht fact and not act upon is simply failure. For example, I notice now pple always associate construction workers with Bangladeshi workers. I'm not sayin tht is not true, a large proportion of workers are indeed frm the dark-skinned countries. But have a pause and think, have we not once tried to avoid them or even make fun of them?

Their life isn't as pretty as ours. It isn't as comfy as ours which is precisely why they are here to seek a "better life". I think they are only exposed to the harsh cruelty of racism. if they had stayed back in where ever they come frm, they make have a much tougher and poorer life, but they wldn't need to be treated as 3rd grade pple, like dogs even. Like I said, I'm not proud of the fact tht I sometimes shun them on the bus. We need to make a conscience effort to respect everyone. Tht is the beauty of Aust or US, where every job is respected and appreciated. In Sgp, pple look down on rubbish collectors, toilet cleaners and construction workers, but is tht fair? They are havin a decent job, doin legal stuff. Why shld we look down on them? They shld, in fact, be honoured and respected, as they dare to tk on a job tht most Sgpeans wldn't want to do. And for tht, keep our country clean and build the basic infrastructure of our economy.

Every day I have been remindin myself to make the extra effort to be warm to everyone, frm the cleaner arnd sch, to the Zambia girl in the lib. I hope tht pple arnd me will do so too.

Why I specially raised this issue today is because I read someone else's blog (no names here, but pple frm Murdoch College will know her) and she made fun of this other girl frm tht sch, who happens to be Indian. Tht Indian girl is Sgpean like she is, but the way she made fun of her skin colour wasn't nice, callin her "blacker than pot" and "bluish purple". And I really didn't see a need for her to do so. It was a re-enforcement for me and my principles tht I can't tolerate pple who treats others like 2nd class citizens.

So pls make a personal promise to yaself today tht everyone shld be given the same amt of respect, "regardless of race, language or religion". Tht's frm our pledge remember? Don't do to others wht ya don't want others to do to ya.

Tk care guys. *hugs* *muacks* Cheers.

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

I know I've always liked the name Marc or Mark or Marcus..(and ya guys know tht too.) But I can't say tht they have nice names and good tastes right? Afterall, it's their parents who name them. Therefore, I think tht they're parents have very good taste.

Let's see how many Marks or Marcs I know. Mark(my bro), Mark Lee (my "bro"), Marc Sim, Marc Gan, Marc Lim (x2), Mark Cheong, Mark Cartoon (seriously!), Mark Cheng and Mark frm my Aust church. All their parents, includin my parents, have great taste! And there's Marcus Lowe (my godbro).. Hmmm. So cute!

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
But I think you're wrong

"I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed
I can't be sure

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
And I think I'm just scared
I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone baby you need to come home
'Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need more than you mind

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need
This in my life
I think I'm just scared
That I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem
I'm feeling"

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

Some things tht I've learnt abt myself as an infant, toddler, kid
(1) I was a very peaceful and quiet baby- eat and sleep.
(2) I was a slow walker and slow talker, and was sickly most of the time.
(3) I got cheeky and naughty.
(4) Talked alot in Kindi class.
(5) "Sucked up" to the teacher by actin like a mini teacher, tellin pple to go here and there and tatta-tale to the teachers.
(6) I didn't tk my piano sessions seriously. I was busy admirin my piano teacher's bangles all the time.
(7) Hid the specs tht I didn't like so my dad had to buy new ones.
(8) Hid in the corner of the house and cry coz I missed my dad alot when he was posted overseas.
(9) Tipped the soiled potty over my head (Eww) and said my bro did it.
(10) I liked to put my hands in pple's mouth. Esp my bro's.
(11) Jabbed my mum in the eyes, thinkin it was funny. (hey! I was young)
(12) Looked like a Cabbage Patch Kid coz I was small and chubby. And my mum always dressed me up in little spaghetti strap dresses.
(13) And I was the naughty one tht my mum had alot of memories of. My bro was the angel whom all my mum remembers is tht of him bein really "goondu", jus sittin there colourin quietly.

Oh well. Interestin. So I was pretty much a pest huh.

Love is like the sun. It may fade from sight now and then, but it is always there.

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

This is a pretty special diary entry. So special tht it is actually drafted out at home, for fear of forgettin the stuff I wanna say. (Who's ever heard of pple actually writin their blog at home before transferrin it online?) It's a link-up frm the previous entry and no surprise, coincides with Mother's Day. Just a reminder to all, Mother's Day is comin this wkend.

For those who are unaware, my mother's here with me in Perth (unlike last yr). We didn't have a choice as I'm under 18 and Immigration wldn't approve of my study visa unless my mum became my guardian here. And I think (or know) these 2+mths have been lonely ones for her here, since I am always in sch. It only became more apparent to me when my dad visited last wk (29/04-02/05) because her excitement in anticipation of his arrival was impossible to contain. And if I'm not wrong, tht brief visit by my dad is the happiest days here for her since she arrived here.

It is not difficult to guess tht she (and I) dread the impendin departure of my dad (as I'm writin this, my dad's still here.) I wonder wht the next 1+mth lay in store for her. (Stopped writin to watch "The Last Samurai" with my parents and now as I resume my writin, my dad is at the airport already.) Yes, the departure wasn't nice at all. Anywho. It isn't to easy to leave the comforts of one's own home to go overseas, the only person she knows being her daughter. And it definitely does her no justice tht I'm in sch frm mornin till evenin frm Sundays to Fridays. There are some times tht are inevitable, such as class and work time in sch, but rather than go to my room to use the phone or do work, I need to make more effort to hang out in the living room. Currently, the activity tht binds us and enables us to spend quality time together is American Idol 3, for we share the same passion for singing.

If ya're wonderin if I'm overwhelmed with guilt, perhaps, perhaps not. One can only learn frm the past, to make a difference in the future. Therefore, this Mother's day will consist of alot of writin be me, and readin by her. This diary entry will be presented to her. Probably the only entry she'll ever read.

In addition, special mentions goes to my godmother, my mum's sister. (Guys, if ya're thinkin, no, she isn't the mother of my godbrothers.) She'a always been supportive and lovin and this Mother's day, all her efforts and concern shall be recognized because I've never honoured her on this day ebfore. She didn't need to love me but she did. She may not think so, but she's done a hell good job. Now, as I've 2 godsons of my own, Aaron [turnin 2 in July] and Jaron [2mths old], I view my role seriously and use my own godmother as an exemplary model as mentor and care-giver.

Do somethin special for ya mum this yr guys. There are alot of things I've yet to learn. But one thing tht I do know is tht it is one of the most cruel things for a mother to lose her child.

Special shoutouts to: Mark L., Gerald (who's goin Police *sob*), pJ, Min and XW. Happy belated bdae to Liling, Mary Ann and Chad. Cheers. Love ya guys.

Yours always,
Rach

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

It's Idol Special! (American Idol 3 is on tv on Sundays in Aust.)
Exclusive! (the Final 12 rated!)

Top 3 vocalist
(1) La Toya London
(2) Fantasia Barrino
(3) Jennifer Hudson

Top 3 Cutsy pple
(1) Matt Rogers
(2) JPL
(3) Jasmine Trias

Top 3 Performers
(1) Fantasia Barrino
(2) Diana DeGarmo
(3) JPL

My fave 3
(1) Matt Rogers
(2) La Toya London
(3) Fantasia Barrino

"I do not fear tomorrow coz I know I'm loved today."

Top 3 Favourite Car Brands:

(1) BMW
(2) VW
(3) Jaguar