Long time since I'd blogged. Didn't know the few things I said in the last few blog entries can stir up so much controversy. Ummm, yes, sadly. Been really busy [what's new?]. Exams are fast approaching and lets just say I haven't done much about it. And it isn't like my grades are fantastic. *groans*

Grace's wedding came and flew by really quick. It was just a fun time to dress up and stuff and of course, to witness the union of 2 people. Awwwwwwwwwwww. Crys attended another wedding on the same day and we both got out 2 very differing opinions on marriage at the end of the day. I was just going, "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I know thats what I want/look forward to." And she was like, "marriage is such a daunting notion and no, I don't want to." I guess it's subjective.

What's there to add to my mundane lifestyle here? Hmmm, I realise a few nights ago while talking to Joy, my other housemate, and I realise my life here is all a routine. It revolved around home, uni, church. I'm not complaining even though it's such a stark contrast to my life in Singapore. Quite on the contrary, I actually enjoy it! I like the predictability of the lifestyle. Morning, wake up, bum, go school, arvo, lunch, go back school, evening, dinner, watch tv, do work, shower, do more work, sleep. I think I have effectively in great detail already summarised my everyday life here. Now I think I'm such a bore!!

I will post some pictures up soon enough. G??? WHERE ARE YOU? MISSING YOU HEAPS!

Knowing he is going to do another same unit as me next semester brings a smile to my face......

So I can copy off him.

I'm sitting at my nightgown looking all princessy. Oxymoron? Not really... My hair's so glammed up! Many thanks to my houzzie, Joy. She was trying out hairstyles on me, so that possibly I will not need to spend the additional money doing my hair at the salon. Not too sure yet, because I will need to do my make-up in the city already. So due to a tight time constraint, I might have to still go to the salon. Love the up-do now! Haha... Yeps.

Finally decided what I am going to wear. It's a secret. Sendin it for dry-cleaning in the morning. So exciting. 4 more sleeps to the big day! Oh well. Not mine anyway.

Suddenly it seemed like ages since I had last updated my blog. I think emotionally, things haven't changed much. Emotions are definitely still running high, from snapping at a friend to tellin X something I shouldn't have to mucking up my exam to even the break up. I think the break up has somewhat taken a toll on me, although I'm not overwhelming sad. Don't get me wrong as if I'm such a cold-blooded ass, but it sapped too much of my energy and time and it's simply too unfair to assume that he will be there waiting always. It's always better to let the person go, to allow him or her to find true happiness. That's what love is all about. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. That's my quote of the day.

Had a math assignment due today. I really don't wanna talk about it. Despite intensive notes and text referencing and extensive (or rather complete) collusion between Terry and I, well, we.. er... submitted an assignment which was almost 50% blank. Wow Rach, way to go. Your semester is going down... It's no one's fault for the current messed up state I'm in. But I am simply so tired of all these crap situations. Alan's bday party is later today but seriously, I don't feel like going. It isn't that I don't wanna celebrate and share the blessing of turning 21, but I've got too much on my mind. Essay due on Monday which I haven't got a clue about. I REALLY don't want a repeat of the incident at Rowena's party last year. I feel so ashamed of what I had done last year. My very 1st (and hopefully last) time.

Before I end the post, just wanna voice out my utmost gratitude and appreciation towards some pple, though I doubt they'll be reading it. My houzzies Crys and Joy, neighbours Tracey and Dennis and friends like Aaron, Carine and Normah. Thanks for the invaluable time spent, advice given, listening ear offered and shoulder to cry on during this time of upheaval in my life. I don't know what I'll do without you guys!! Love you guys heaps!! *hugs*

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love GOD, to them who are the called according to HIS purpose." Romans 8:28

I just feel so tired. Too many things happening arnd me, too many problems. As you guys should probably know, I've broken up with Jaks. It's my decision. I'm simply too busy. Bad as it is, I told someone else something which I really shouldn't have. I have many regrets.

X (who know who you are), if you're reading this, words said cannot be undone. I never ask GOD for this to happen and I know you know that. And I know that things will inevitably change but I can only pray for my own healing. Don't feel obligated to me in any way. Please don't. It's not necessary. I have a feeling the way I feel wldn't change, but I can only pray.

This blog is becoming a whinging blog.. Sorry guys. Maybe I am entitled to huh. Today I lost my it with a friend. I think it was a matter of time actually, but I didn't feel good. I'm not gonna use any excuse to justify the outburst, but I'm really tired. Tired of everything. All these problems, of which X plagues me the most. I'm so tired of feeling sad that the prospect of sleeping forever suddenly seems so tempting.

And to finish off such a wonderful blog entry, I screwed my Micro exam up. Till now, I am still in SHOCK. I knew I wldn't do too well, but my results were absymal, if not a total let-down. To myself and to my parents. I hope the friend I tutored for Micro 101 doesn't flunk his exam. Man! Can my day get any worse? Possibly, but I just don't wanna know yet. Skippin Criminal Law again - I cannot stand my lecturer. Gr.

It's been a while since I have properly updated my blog. I actually wonder if anyone still reads it. Highly doubt it, but I wld like to reflect back months down the road and see if time indeed heals all wounds or if I had departed learning some lessons.

I have been EXTREMELY busy in the past few weeks, to the extent my health, both physically and mentally, deteriorated. I think the primary cause is the lack of sleep. I had been getting on average 3-4 hrs a day for a good couple weeks. I guess there's alot of developements in my life, of which, I can safely say, none are positive. If you guys wanna know more, approach me.

Life is full of ups and downs, happiness, sadness, compromise and sacrifice. Maybe I've just hit a low point. I know GOD will see me through this because HE has the power to do so. I thank GOD for such great housemates. In these recent weeks, they have done my share of housework, compromised on my cooking schedule and spent hrs talking to me, to relieve me of work and my problems. I don't know what I cld have done without them. I love them heaps!

However, I just refuse to shed a tear in front of them. They are worried abt me as it is, I tell them I am ok, but in reality, I'm not. I want to be ok, pretend I can still do everything as per normal. But something in my heart isn't right. Markie bro, Gerald, if you're reading this, "like a clown I put on a show, the pain is real even if nobody knows, and I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me.." Markie bro, G, I will give anything for you guys to be with me. The unshed tears lay hidden from view. I smile, I laugh, I joke. I wonder how long I can last.

"Like a fool I keep losing my place, I keep seeing you walk through that door. There's a danger with loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know its heart you can't trust, there's a reason why people don't stay where they are. Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough."

"One Last Cry"by Brian McKnight

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry
Cry.....

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

[Chorus:]
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...