The stress levels are building up.
The stakes are high,
With my current pathetic grades.
Torts cohort marks are posted.
I'm in the bottom 5% I reckon.
I am so smart.
NOT.
I have to mugg hard, mugg smart.
Up my sorrowful grades.
The stakes are high.
That's all I think about now.
Oh, and my lovables, G and Markk.

I love you guys.

What a disappointing week this has been.

First, with friends.
Then, with him.
Lastly, shameful grades for my major assignments.

I don't know how to pick myself up, especially with regards to my work. I tried my best. The very best given the massively crippling time constraint. I gave it the best shot. And yet, the grades I received was like a slapp in the face, pathetic and shameful indeed. Perhaps I am mentally-challenged, too dumb for law school. Take Chadster, my beloved full-of-nonsense classmate. He took a last minute stab at the assignment, and bingo, he scored high distinction. I just want to cry. I do. Boohoo.

UNTITLED by SIMPLE PLAN

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
Is I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Never thought a song sent to me by my little cousin could speak such volumes to me. Loving it. This is how I feel.

What do you say when your 2 girlfriends, closest to you, think you're just a scandalous boy-crazy flirt?

Nothing. Nothing.
Because it hurts.
Why?
Not because thats how lowly they think of you
But because the pain in your heart,
From that one single guy,
Still rages on
Consuming you surely but entirely.
And in the end,
Your closest girlfriends still think of you as a f.skank.
Thanks.

Current thought of the day:

none.

Current look of the day:

running shorts. tee. braless. hair in ponytail.

Current activity of the day:

beating around the bush.

Current word(s) of the day:

idiosyncrasy and oddity.

Current style of the day:

skin. plenty of skin.

i'd never thought i'll be entering such a post with such wrath and fatigue all rolled into one. as some of you will know. these few days i had been lending a listening ear to a friend, C's problems. he was facing relationship problems with his partner and was greatly disturbed. nothing unusual, the nature of the problem - the partner needed some space, some time. so it got me started on offering advice. i never quite thought it was similar to my past relationship with jaks. but as i reflected and as advice poured out, i realise alot of the feelings inside me, i could relate it to his partner, in more ways than one. so back to the issue, C started calling me and chatting to me on msn and i was very tactful, though annoyed in regards to issue of possessiveness and being clingy to the extent of neglecting studies and in essence, life for that matter. however, i was determined to play it down.

however, as one should imagine, after a couple days of listening to the same issues and finding myself repeating the same advice over and over again, i snapped. i know mark wouldn't be too proud of me. he told me firm but gentle. i'm ashamed to admit i was pretty harsh today. but frankly, i did weigh it out before i typed it online. if i wanted to hit home to C, saying pretty words, words he wants to hear isn't gonna do it, i needed to be frank. in the same conversation. i called him contradictory and explained to him. i then called him childish. and finally i told him off: he wasn't just scared of something (in regards to his partner), he was scared of everything. so offline he went saying he was exhausted mentally and physically. attitude wise, i won't mince my words now. i find it disgusting. so you look for me for advice. finally i say something not so nice you go offline. you tell me you are exhausted mentally and physically, its 0230hrs, i know. BUT when you were in great distress, you didn't want to hang up the phone, persistent in wanting to talk to me AT THE EXPENSE OF MY F.PRESENTATION WHICH WAS ON THE NEXT DAY and the same scenario repeated in the arvo of my presentation to the extent i only caught 1hrs worth of sleep and NOW YOU TELL ME YOU ARE F.TIRED AND YOU F.DON'T WANNA HEAR IT AND GO OFFLINE?

this is what i call f.childish. i know, i contradict myself now. who am i to say when i am younger than you? when i haven't been around this world long enough? true. but as the events on the phone/msn unfolded, i really didn't know what to think of your mental age. sure, i regard you as my friend, indeed i do and i mean it. but mentality and attitude-wise, i really don't know what to think of you. you can call me a f.cynic in love or an emotionless being, but do you really think by telling him about 100 times 'you f.understand he needs space and thus is giving it to him' is really gonna do the trick? I DON'T F.THINK SO. spending time begging people for the password to a mutual friend's blog just because you think that friend is writing about your partner isn't giving him space. freaking out when someone tells your partner he thinks your partner should help you keep your emotions in check and then tellin your partner you are very f.controlled isn't either. am i a justified emotionless being because i think you're clingy too? i don't know about that. theres a really fine line between loving and smothering. i don't even know if i truly know and appreciate that distinction. afterall, i haven't got THAT much experience in this field. but it most certainly doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you have f.crossed that boundary and that line. AND most importantly and immature-ly you think that the only way to undo it is to f.adopt the other extreme. if it doesn't solve the problem, i reckon it will kill you first.

i cannot believe i am still up at 3 a'm in the morning despite being severely sick while the culprit who evoked such anger in me is in bed because he is 'mentally and physically exhausted'. one more word. f.selfish. [thats two words now] i feel as though i have a bowling ball balancing atop my head and my skull is going to crack. my fever is climbing up steadily by the minute and my eyes are about to shut. this is getting nowhere. really. i didn't sacrifice work, time, sleep and health for this f.attitude.

you want advice. f.face it. you don't want. zip it. i don't want to play mean ass and be unappreciated. if i am prepared to play that role, f.live with it. meangirl out.

Something really weird happened at the dinner table.
David took one look at me (I sit opp him at dinner) and said
"Are you cold?"
Judging from the no. of layers I was wearing [5 to be exact]
"Yes. Very. I'm sick."
He turned to Crys
"I told you she was sick but you didn't believe me."
I was stunned.
1stly, I didn't mention to anyone how I was feeling.
2ndly, I hardly saw David around the house
3rdly, I was only running a temperature today.
Stony silence.
Suddenly I started crying.
David was shocked [poor guy, don't blame him]
Watching footage of the devastation left by the earthquake
Tears kept running.
The fever didn't help.
I wept for the dead, the injured and the homeless.
Shortly after dinner,
I lost the entire dinner to the toilet bowl.
I'm currently running a temp of 39.3
Thanks to the flashy thermometer my mum bought.
I think I'm going to faint soon.

thought i'll nip a quick post in before going to prepare dinner. yep, it's my turn to cook this week. ever since my new housemate moved in, crys' bro, david. things have become quite odd around the house. he's really nice and all, maybe just not use to having a guy around. need to make some drastic adjustments, like no more mismatched pJs and walking around the house in just a towel around the torso and one on the head. *giggles* my friends reckon he's hot. just not my type. i'll post a photo of him soon when i get around to re-downloading the photo-posting software.

been extremely unwell lately. i should have seen the signs. nights of intense migrains, topped with the lack of sleep. been running a high fever today. was feeling hot cold hot cold in class today despite being in a winter jacket. something's not right. but yeps.... so many things going on around me. breakups, relationship problems and stuff.... nothing much i can do for the parties involved but i'm behind one special boy all the way. and i miss him. heaps. if there's anything i am counting down to, its going back to see him (and others of course!!) so hang in there and be strong. i remember once you told me long time ago that i'm stronger than i really think i am. perhaps you're right. but as much as i know you're vulnerable now, i believe you will find the inner strength to get past each day. till the day i come back and give you a tight hug and not let go.

The exam timetable for semester 2, 2005 is out.
I'm somewhat relieved.
The past 3 semesters, my exam timetable was..
horrid, disgusting and mentally daunting.
I was so convinced this semester was going to kill me
but the dates seem to indicate
I have a 2nd chance at redemption
and score better than a mere pass, I hope.
How it'll go, I don't know.
Because I am WAY behind in my backlog
to the point I would have lost all hope
if my exam timetable was the shits again.

The dates are as follows:
051105, 9 a.m - Macroeconomics 234
081105, 9 a.m - TORTS 2 108
111105, 2 p.m - Financial Accounting 101
161105, 9 a.m - Criminal Law 2 106

Pretty neat huh.
Thank GOD. Or I'll just raise my white flag.

10 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MYSELF
[5 just wouldnt be enough, Caro!]

1. Loves my family and friends to bits.
2. Guys with british accents + specs + boy boy = I loike!
3. I don't adopt one style at any one time. Currently into goth, punk AND bling.
4. I am not as manja as I look!
5. Spend more time fretting and eating than studying.
6. Wedges should be thin, short and crunchy. Nice.
7. Currently humping to Pussycat Dolls.
8. I like my quiet time strolling along Matilda Bay.
9. I've a hot male housemate, who unfortunately is not my type.
10. Suddenly I seem to be everyone's aunt agony. It's ok, I enjoy what I do.

Australian English 101
[All materials examinable at the end of post]

Ok.. so everyone knows that we aussies *ahem* have a funny way of abbreviating our words. So, we're lazy but hey, we're unique. So here's just a few of the words/phrases you might struggle to understand when talking to a foreigner, like me. [Purpose is to educate you guys before I come back]

G'day mate! - this is a dead giveaway. you should know what this means.
How's it going? - what's up?
Wicked! - awesome, see 'sweet' and 'sick'
I reckon hey. - i think so LAH.
Dodgy! - weird, odd.
wanna scull? - a race to finish beer 1st.
it's friday night! - let's hit the tav, club or pub.
Sweet! -nice one. see 'wicked' and 'sick'
Sick! - some awesome shitt. see 'wicked' and 'sweet'
no worries! - no problem, a reply to 'thanks!'
cheers - a reply also 'thanks' or to end a convo.

mozzies - mosquitoes
brekkie - breakfast
maccas - macdonalds
sunnies - sunglasses
alkies - alchoholics
druggies - drug addicts
lollie - sweets, candy, the works.

I can't think of anymore for now. but if I do, I'll sure add it on. That's all we can cover in our 1st lecture so hopefully you'll understand me when I return. Awesome.

I really don't understand how some people can live with themselves.
Their attitudes are disgusting.
They think they're smart, successful, likeable and good-looking.
But please, reflect in the mirror.
You make me want to barf.

I think GOD has a funny way of being fair.
He blesses me with this awesome criminal law group.
I adore Pete, I adore Huimin and Drew is really nice.
I enjoyed working with the group.
And then, He puts this terror in my accounting group.
Extremely bright, I have to admit.
But lazy, cocky, whiny and definitely self-absorbed.
Who probably thinks the sun shines off his arse.
Where we all bow down to chant he is great.
Bullshit.

You are like my mosquito bite on my arse.
Gets on my nerves, annoying and an itch in my arse.
Go screw a tree, really.
I reckon it likes you more than anyone ever will.
Because you are intolerable.
Now I know why your friends turn on you.
Because they bloody can't stand you.
It's ok.
You're gonna get out of my system in a few days them.

Oh. and you're the cause of my erupted pimples.
You'll pay, you bloody will.

REN......

life is like a vacuum cleaner.

it sucks.

This is looking F.I.N.E fine.

After blogging about him, I saw him again! Outside the Guild Cafe! I reckon that must be his haunt. 'Tommy' is HAUGHT! I still don't know his name but he is blooday sexay. It's the penetrating cool blue stare that's got me captivated. And guess what? He speaks some other language fluently! I reckon it's french, can't be too sure, I cldn't eavesdropp that much. Amy and I sat a table away from him... he's got me smitten. Very very nice physique. Yummay.

It's the eyes, definitely the eyes. Icy blue. Penetrating. I get lost in them.

Yesterday - I knew that something just ain't right when during Criminal Law class when my spasticated accounting group member msged me and asked me to meet Euge and him for an impromptu meeting. I bloody hate him. I truly do. I just chose to ignore him and replied him after class telling him I had better things to do and since he didn't bother to turn up for the arranged meeting the day before, he can bloody wait.. He has truly pissed Euge off too. Yay! To think Euge use to defend him when I brought up my displeasures about him. Euge is tooo annoyed to speak to him now. What a horrid day. From then on, I was prepared to have a shitty week.

However, as they say, all bad things will be balanced out with good things.

Remember when I went backpacking down south, I did mention under the list of people I met on the trip the bald indian dude and his amazingly goodlooking friend? I remember, vaguely, in my drunken state, that the bald dude said he was from Curtin and the rest was from UWA. So I clung on the hope that I will see his amazingly good friend in UWA, whom Amy and I affectionately nicknamed Tommy, because he wore this Tommy Hilfiger jumper in Bunbury.

As I was walking past the Guild to meet Amy for lunch after Criminal Law class, I saw this familiar cool stare. Did a double take, and there Tommy was, sitting outside the Guild Cafe, having lunch with a male friend [thats a positive sign]! Almost turned to putty. He cut his hair! He is really gorgeous. Those penetrating cool blue eyes. Anger towards pighead instantly dissolved. I was so overjoyed I was skipping all the way to Broadway to meet Amy.

The power of a leng zai. Muahahaha.

This post specially goes out to my dearest buddy, someone who has been there through my ups and downs, gone through thick and thin with me, tolerated all my nonsense [and told me off in the process] and most importantly, not abandon me when I needed a friend most: GERALD HO.

And I gives me utmost pleasure to tell everyone he has finally won a championship [though I cannot remember the exact name, sorry. dodgy memory], something which he has been fighting for all these years. I can still remember the times when I was his cheerleader. And you know what G? I've never stopped being your cheerleader. These years that I have been overseas, mentally, I've never really left Singapore. I'm right there by your side when you're bowling, cheerin you on, because I believe in you. I believe in you more than you'll ever know. And you winning this championship has only gone to show what you can really achieve and that I was never wrong in believing in you. I LOVE YOU DEAREST FRIEND! *hugs* I'm so proud of you.

I know we are both on separate paths now, but in mind, we're walking parallel. Side by side. I'll always be here for you in your darkest days or when you need a friend. Thats because no one believed in me 6 years ago but you did. I'll never forget the times when we were little and we went swimming together all the time and played video games at the arcade. Or the times when we use to play badminton or catching outside the arcade area. You may have forgotten, but those are the memories to be kept safe in me forever. Thank you for everything you have done in my life - being such a blessing and joy, being so straightforward and in-your-face, being the light in my darkest days and most importantly, never walking away from me when others did. It may all seem repetitive, but to me, it re-illiterates only what I can hardly put out to words. The rest, are just drowned out in memory.

I miss you.

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU by BON JOVI

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

[Solo]

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

WOAH! This is what I call powerful. I am feeling it. Phoar! Classic rock, I salute.

I was barred from posting by Blogger. Like, what the... ? Just when I regained the mood to blog and I got locked out! Anyways. All's good now. I finally bought another pair of jeans, to add to my collection of, erm, 1 pair? Woohoo! Reduced from $90 to $50. A bargain I reckon.

For now, I am this *pinches fingers together* close to filing for bankruptcy. Been shopping way too much! This is NOT good. Crap. I need to attend SHA, shoppaholics anonymous, pretty soon. Oh, did I mention my absolutely scandalous buy? *rach giggles and nudges amy* My kitten top - I'm loiking it! Now, just need to shed off the pounds I'd put on from the alcohol..... if not, I'll look hideous.

Oh, and I'm sooooooooooooooo into classic rock now! Bon Jovi and Def Leppard, here I come! Phoar!