Ya guys might think I must been leavin in RA-RA land if I told ya tht sch has been on-goin for more than 9wks and yet, I still feel like I don't belong in uni. I can't pinpt exactly wht it is, but I'm never felt quite settled in UWA. It's not the uni, but more the fact tht I am in Uni. I'm only 17, turnin 18. Call me a baby, but I don't quite think I am ready for this transition to uni.

Most of my friends in Commerce and Econs are older while those in Law are arnd the same age. It shld brin my comfort to know tht the most pple in Law are the same age, but it doesn't. Coz I've never quite fitted in. I don't expect to. I'm one of the few International students in Law (which can be counted with 1 hand) and the asians there are predominantly ABCs. I don't belong there. Don't say tht I don't try. I did once (at some fresher picnic) but it was disastrous. I'm not venturin there anymore.

As for Commerce and Econs, yap, pple are hell nice and I feel totally at home. But sometimes, I feel tht pple treat me as littler. Call me over-sensitive, I don't know. But all I'm sure of is, I belong in JC or Poly or ITE, which ever is willin to accept me. Am I bein pedantic? Perhaps. I can only say I'm doin this for someone whom I want him to be proud of me. To be proud tht I picked up myself after tht part of me inside when he left. How long can I hold on?

One thing I've learnt frm college is tht: You can only work for yourself. NO one can. For yrs through primary and secondary sch, I studied for my parents, esp my Mum. Pple who know my family will know I am nowhere as smart nor gifted than my bro, who outshines me in everythin. I wanted to do well simply to please my parents. But tht simply will not do. It's only in college tht I realize tht the motivation comes frm within. To study for yaself and be proud of ya own achievement then will ya truely succeed. And I think I've proven tht fact for myself. But one cannot simply rest on his/her laurels.

Now as I have overcome tht barrier, a new hurdle is ahead of me and this time, it's so much more overwhelmin then before, somethin tht I hadn't really embraced myself for. I'm not sure how long I can cling on to whtever driftwood tht passes before sinkin. I'm not failin at uni, but I'm not doin well either. It's not me. I don't want to earn heaps money next time. Just enough for my dad, mum, godma and alittle left for me. I don't want a glamorous lifestyle tht I will end up payin the ultimate price for. Someone pls show me some direction. Email me at paperbox08@yahoo.com.sg and post me ya comments.

Thanks. Tk care guys. *hugs* Cheers.