you know i'm in a bad mood when the mean things swimming in my head comes spewing out of my mouth. i'm not gonna deny, i'm no angel and when i survey my surroundings, mean thoughts tend to pop up in my head. the only issue lies in whether i speak my mind or hold my tongue. 95% of the time, i adopt the latter approach. no point really. let the irritant pass and all resumes back to normal. but these couple of days (with the buildup of a dramatic week) results in me snapping. poor xing got the brunt of my bitching but she's great. she's one of the dearest sweethearts to me. so let me pen down the my grievances.

1. this issue about "the guy always pays for the girl"
chad from UWA was visiting in singapore and we managed to squeeze some times out from our respective busy schedules to go for brekkie/lunch and some walk around. initially i'd wanted to go to cartel for brekkie but had forgotten cartel's breakfast menu only functions on the weekends. so, where could we have brekkie at raffles city? somehow or another, we ended up at ya kun toast. i felt quite bad about it.... bringing him to ya kun? so over the counter when we were placing orders, i told him really firmly i was buying him brekkie. so i took a $50 note and stretched out my arm to offer it to the auntie who was sorting out the cashier. don't tell me she didn't understand english ok... but when chad took out a $10 note to pass to me, she reached out to grab that $10 note to settle the bill. i was like wht the hell?? there i just said i was treating my guest (who is so obviously NOT LOCAL to everyone) to brekkie and there that bloody cashier decides to take matters into her own hands and CHOOSE who she wants to pay. chad just said naturally "well. too bad, i'm treating." but seriously. i don't approve of what the cashier did. so it's chivalrous if the guy buys the girl dinner/lunch. but who are you to decide that? both are students (in chad's and my case). both don't draw incomes. it shouldn't be all about chivalry. if the girl says it's her treat, then respect her decision. don't try playing god. if it was agreed that the couple should go dutch, then leave the couple to decide the mode of settlement. don't just assume and go for the guy's plastic or cash.

in the end, when we proceeded to cartel for a later lunch, i took the opportunity to buy him lunch, since i was paying up at the counter with my discount card. so all's fair.

2. the new national library disallowing entry of books
mark and i have been to the national library twice in the past week to get some studying (him) and note-making (me) done. and what really bothers me about it is that the national library comes across to me as some sort of highly-protected terrorist-targetted building that seems more private than public. every floor has a security desk and guard and the bottom floor has a counter full of them! like really? is it necessary? no offence, but with the security guards being in their 50s and 60s... do you really think they can save the "world" if an attack were to be launched? and when mark and i tried entering with a book, we were disallowed in because of the damn textbook. like whats the point of having a library when you can't even bring textbooks in to study? why even bother calling it the national library when we're just as good as not being allowed to use its facilities to study and chill interactively? i felt like i was being watched all the time!! sheesh.

3. the oldies in singapore DEMANDING respect from people like us
before i sound like a total disrespectful ass, let me make this clear. i'm the sorta person who offers my seats to the elderly, pregnant ladies or mums with lil kids. i'm extremely soft hearted towards the handicapped, the old and the less fortunate, being fortunate myself. i find myself doing things for these people, things i usually wldn't be bothered to do, such as helping them up the bus and carrying their bags or even listen to their rantings in some dialet i don't even understand. but what i really hate is when these people EXPECT you to respect them just because you are younger and more able bodied than that.

today i was on my way to meet xing for lunch at tiong bahru. so i plan to catch the direct bus there. the bus took particularly long to arrive and in the process, the bus stop was filled with ah por going home after a morning's worth of prayer at the temple (the bus stop is next to the temple). i'd been one of the first to arrive and with my busted knee deciding to foul up on me in the morning, i planted my ass to the seat. so the seats filled quickly. this ji-za por was standing up and gossiping with the other por pors at the bus stop (i doubt she knew them really), commenting on why coffee shop 1 was packed and coffee shop 2 was empty, commenting on her cheap her teeshirt was as oppose to another por por's outfit, commenting on what are the likely causes of the bus running late and so on. she's not as elderly as the rest of the ah pors, pretty agile on her legs too. standing them, rattling along. suddenly she had nothing more to say and kept silent for about a minute. then she turned to me and in a loud brandish manner, starting insulting me in a mix of chinese and cantonese saying i didn't show any respect to her by offering the seat to her. that i was rude and able-bodied while she had back ache and all other aches. telling all the ah pors this was called selfishness and i was the epitomy of today's youths. i was thinking, "what the hell. firstly. i've a busted knee. secondly. you seem fine. you may not be fine but well. too bad, i don't know you're not fine since you're being so animated while ji-za-ing away. thirdly. its up to me to show you respect, not for you to demand respect from someone whom you've probably never seen in your life, regardless your age. even if i am choosing to be disrespectful, given we're strangers, its not for YOU to discipline me. damn! if it wasn't for me being tired and all, i would have snapped at her in my dodgy mandarin.

i really don't get whats wrong with these people. i don't. the cashiers who decides they have the right to determine who pays and the oldies who demand respect. geez. anyways. i've finally finished mark's notes. it's mostly cut and paste, rearranging and stuff. i cldn't see how i cld have summarized it anymore than the already summarized notes. but loads of time/sweat/effort/love poured out into it. another special thanks to xing for being so tolerant towards my grouchiness, moodiness and bitchiness today, despite her being ill. gosh. i realise how much i appreciate and love her! she's the star in my life [literally!]

i know i keep harping on my christmas presents but i still haven't gotten any. grrr. i've got 3 girls and 2 guys to shop for this christmas+ family. exciting. i haven't even bought myself a single thing since i've gotten back (other than food). i'll start savin up again after i've bought everyone their gifts. my own temptations can wait. it's not about me now, its about them who complete my life.

craving for sashimi now, esp after mark said he was going sashimi with the other gym people. was prepared to go with them when i'd first arrived back from aust but now just ain't bothered to anymore. but i'll have my dose of it soon. xing, you up for it when you're better?? *drools*