life is cruel.

one moment, things are looking up.

the next, i get plunged back into darkness.

i know i have no one else to blame but myself for mucking up.

gosh. i really hate myself. now i know why sometimes i just grab my own neck wanting to wring the daylights out of myself.

i know what it is.

i am a hazard to myself, completely destroying whatever's left between J and I.

it hurts so deep, when he's nothing quite i've ever seen before. he's so like me, yet so unlike me.

but i mucked it up.