sometimes i don't know why i even care. tears are threatening to spill over as i am typing this. recently, a good friend of mine had undergone some changes, changes which intially seemed ok to me, i even thought perhaps it will do it some good. however from my view point of it all, in the last one, two weeks, i thought that he had changed for the extreme. so i said something.

now, i am usually not a person who will tell other people, or enforce my thoughts upon them, what i think unless i felt that there is a dire need to or simply because i care. in this instance, i cared for him way too much. i realise that there's so much "niceness" that you can inject into the telling-off for it to work. if someone is way too tactful, the other party might even miss the point of it all. so i admit, i did assert certain points across which he got utterly displeased about. hence we've stopped communication. is it a good thing or bad thing? i don't know.

he says i don't understand him... in this exact aspect, i would like to rebutt it. understanding someone need not necessarily mean the person shares the same viewpoint/ideas about a certain thing (although it will greatly help). understanding someone else just needs you to be put in their situation and seeing it from their point of view. in my humble opinioin, i know i understand exactly what he is going through, because i am at that similar junction as him in life. where everything is about shitty problems and shitty people that come with it. i went drinking last weekend, and damn, it felt good to be piss drunk for awhile. however, how he and i handle the problems thereafter seem to differ. so with my example, after i got over my hangover, i look to other things to try settle the shitty problems, while he will go back to drinking. or whatever he does to numb the problems. so it becomes a vicious cycle of numbing his problems. thats where our handling of the problems taper off. does it make me love him any less? no. which is probably why i said so much to begin with.

i'm lost about whats going on in his life. so would i rather know whats going on in his life (and disapprove of it but say nothing) or just continue the cold war? a very wise and dear friend of mine said this to me "there are some things in life about your friends/family/siblings that you can never accept. your views and theirs difer greatly. but whats important is you tell them what you think without imposing, forcing or putting them down and once you said it, just leave it. whatever decision they make thereafter, just be there to support them." and it's so true. so maybe i did stuff up alittle, i'm just learning, growing and trying. hence, to answer the question posed at the beginning of the paragraph, i would rather know what is going on in his life and say nothing anymore.

i think what really hurt me was to see the comments he wrote to a friend of his about me not understanding. i try.... so i just wanna say i'm sorry to him and that when his anger dissipates in time, to come look for me. coz i will be there for him always.