Sunday, October 24, 2004

**two people are on a motorcycle on the road**

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

::girl hugs him::

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized
that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know.

Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet sothat she would live even though it meant that he would die.

I burst into tears reading this.
hey YOU!

YOU know who you are. I just want to say that I love YOU heaps [as if YOU don't know] and everytime that we are apart, I miss YOU like crazyy. *sniffles* Like now. Praise God for all the time He has blessed us with, that during our downs, there are also our ups. I know this might seem repetitive but YOU are the cause of my worries and stress, but YOU are also the sole [human] cause of my happiness, joy and strength here. [Other than our Lord]. I wouldn't have a clue what I to do without YOU. Maybe go into hiding, hibernate and allow time to ebb away what's left of me.

I love loving YOU.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Was sitting on toiletbowl at the Uni library toilet doing the usuals and I noticed some really fascinating stuff on the toilet walls. However, my memory fails me and I can only regurgitate a couple.

On the toilet door [which is painted olive green] it says, "Want to see a table tennis in the toilet? Look left." On the wall on the left, it writes "look right". I looked left, then right, then left, then right. My head really spun.

On the left side of the wall, someone wrote this poem, which I found really witty and cute.

Urine tainted toilet paper,
Floating in the loo.
Suspended like a jellyfish,
Transulent yellow hue.

I wish I was intelligent enough to write that. *pulls a sad face*

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

It's been a long time since I thought about my time in SC. Perhaps, I simply didn't wish to relive those memories. Rach, the "boy-crazy", the "slacker", the "day dreamer", the "try hard", all possible tags that would have gone with my name. The friends whom I had thought were just a passing phase in my life, fluttering in, and then out when that period of time was over. I certainly chose to shut those memories out when I left SCGS. I always thought I was unfairly treated by the teachers and despised upon by some of the students. I never stopped to reflect on my own attitude towards the school; I never tried to be conscientious nor diligent, I copied all my homework from whoever who would lend me, I stoned in class whenever I could and bitched about my teachers whenever somethin happened.

The few friends that I could have called my true ones were all separated from me when we graduated. Amy, Lijun, Xingwen and even Carolyn. Li went to the UK, Amy to Melb and the latter 2 stayed in Singapore then. Amy and I got together whenever we could when we were back in Sgp for the hols. Li and I, we lost touch at the end of last year after a year of long-distance [really long!] phoning and snail-mailing. I tried effortlessly to contact her this yr to no avail. I was like.. "That's it, I lost her." I used friendster to search, and finally found her. Thank God. Isn't it amusing how I have always been anti-friendster because it's a time-consuming, useless tool and now, I am using it to contact all my missing loved ones? Lijun wrote me a testimonal, that brought back floods of memories to me. Those I wanted to shun away from. This was what she had to say:

"Rachel! I have not seen u in ages! ur fault!haha anyway i love u loads!I laugh when
i think about the silly things that happened to us in SC..like the 100 over times we both almost got kicked out of class for talking or wateva..we both got kicked out by audrey one time...and i totally could not care less..its funnyi remember all the stupid bets we made and whoever won would get yummy gelato..i think the winnings were split even right haha and all the times i wanted to give up u kept encouraging me all thru to my As... ur a super darling friend thanx!I MISS U! Thanx for everything!!!!! Love yA. xoxo"


She didn't write much but it triggered off everything else buried. We always got in trouble with Audrey, who hated me rotten. We were thrown out of class and made to sit far away frm each other for the whole lesson, but we thought nothin of it and carried on our usual ways. We made bets on who would get higher and the loser would treat gelatos, we gossiped endlessly about Andy Roddick, threw snide remarks at Mandy Moore for stealing Roddick away frm Li, we [plus Amy] rawked up to our prom more than an hr late and left early to go back to the hotel to eat haagen daaz and watch Ali G. She who was gracious enough to let me have lunch at her house before Chemistry exam, she who sewed my name on a pencil box for my birthday and inserted a pill box into the pencil case coz she knew I had a pill box in my bag always.

Amy and I.. who hated each other when 1st forced to be sitting partners. But we started talking, then hangin out, going out after school for lunch, to meet guys, to shop and gossip. We who hang out every Saturday at the malls shopping and slacking. Amy who brought laughter to my otherwise boring and crappy classes, she who consoled me when I got thrown out of class by Audrey [another time] for not having my Social Studies workbook. She, whom I ate lunch with everyday and shared my secrets with....

They were imperative in making my stay in SC less spiteful, more enjoyable. They dabbled my unpleasant memories of SC with pretty, delightful moments. SC wasn't as emotionally scarring as I intially regarded it to be. It's part of my life, my past. All the friends whom I made there that I still keep in contact with, are priceless to me. The little things they did or tried to do, when I lost my best friend and then Abi, to comfort me, it lays etched in my memory because right then, I was inconsolable and never expressed how much those little thoughts meant to me. But they did. They exemplified acceptance towards me in Sec 3/6 when I thought I was an outcast. I thought I had forgotten it all, swiped from my memory, but when something tiny like a testimonial triggers it off, no, it wasn't forgotten. Instead, it is etched in my memory and relived as though it was just yesterday.

One thing I learnt from this is that whether the unpleasant or the sad, it is still part of your memory and makes you who you are today. Rather than dig a hole and bury it, hoping to forget it in due time, there's always something in the fine print that sprinkled alittle bit of happiness into that depressing point of time. We just have to loook for it and embrace those memories.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Dear beautiful agony,

A part of me wanted so badly to be loved by you, validated by you. Yearning is truly an encompassing black hole – strong enough to but grow deeper with your occassional reciprocation and my growing elusive fears and insecurities. Every day passed longer than the last, the cold stone of dragging incompetence and metaphorical distance – the pure physicality and mentality of our always illusion. Dark brown eyes and smooth thinness, shrouded porcelain and so bleakly alive – sharply breathing into the dry expanse within me. Hollow – (staring into walls), licking, dreaming of the trace scars on my arms – something enigmatically dangerous. You probably will never know this unspoken desperation was truly the closest to obsession I’ve ever come to realise – how many hours just silently chaotically still – so many eye of the whirlwind nights beside my conscience contemplating, moulding, without sufficient material. Your oblivion and my fixation – hurting me in ways which I could only learn from.

And I have yet to forget, to embrace, to accept the difference. It’s true we want what we can’t have; the untouchable chase lasted an exteriorly perceived novelty. I memorised each previous detail, knowing you discarded any of mine. Estimating the factors you may have already known – controlled absence counteracting with the shame of my transparency – minutes merge into hours without verbose acknowledgement. The long, wide space between us an awkward silence, timed waste, how badly you made me think it was your fault, but whose fault had nothing to do with the way you changed, us revolving numb as admired strangers in a sore burned universe. Turning over the stars to see it’s a black light sky, when your face mirrors into my still bitter heart.

Your once or never love

[*this is addressed to no one. I stress, NO ONE.]

Sunday, October 17, 2004


Jaks and I. Tken on the 29th of Sept, in my room. [P.S, before my hair was cut] Posted by Hello
I am beginning to question the validity of this "Personality Disorder Test" that I took yesterday. Hmmm. Oh well. These few days I have been doin some major slackin. *rolls eyes* I know the exams are fast approaching but I really just can't muster up any motivation. Can you imagine, I haven't read a single law case for more than a month? How BBQed can I get?

.: Yesterday :.
Woke at 1.30 pm because I was up till 5.30am doing a Math assignment. Came online, chatted with Jaks, surfed arnd and did abit of flipping of pages of my Macroeconomics text. Got ready at 4.30 to go dinner with Jaks at Terrazza, a really lovely ambience and prompt service. *beams* Had such a wonderful dinner only to get diarrhoea later. =( We then went to Northbridge to play arcade. No, I'm not a NB homie ok? I DO NOT CLUB nor PARTY. We just wanted to race Intitial D Sega, this car racing machine which is SO cool. Met up with Jaks' friends, Chin, Matt and Aza. I reckon Aza's pretty cute. Got home close to midnight, shagged.

.: Today :.
Missed church today due to bad tummy. Woke up at arnd 11 odd after a fitful sleep, mopped arnd downstairs then did abit work. Crys came back and we hang out downstairs. Came up, napped till 5. I heard hysterics laughter downstairs and knew we had company. Tina was over... And Joy and Crys were there too, so popped by down and chatted abit more. Aussie Idol was on at 6.30 due to this music award show tonight. Took dinner, watched ANTHONY [Woohoo!] and then came back up, showered and am going to hit the books soon. I cannot have a repeat saga of last semester.

I miss Terry, I miss Jaks. Wht is Terry doing? I know Jaks is watchin the Arias. Sigh. Talkin to Crys on MSN now. Everyone thinks its amusing how Crys and I chat on MSN all the time, when she is downstairs, literally! But we are just so lazy to go up/down when we are in our rooms. Joy, get MSN soon! Talkin to you on ICQ is soooooo troublesome! Haha.. Terry, where are you? Hmm. I so need to go Murdoch soon, coz I need to use the books there, must meet up and study eh? Like in Sem 1 when both of us so "gao siao". Haha. I remember... hmm, the good old times. I miss all your corniness and jokes. And I miss seeing you in the fisherman hat or cap everytime you have bedroom hair and cannot be bothered to style it.

I miss the pple back home. Markie boy, Gerald, pJ, wJ, Drew... Gosh, we hardly talk now. I know I haven't called home this whole yr, compared to the previous yr, but you guys keep me goin here. I was seriously the happiest girl in the world when Mark came to visit me and bum. The nights you and Clay came to my place to chill, watch X-Men and stuff. pJ and Gerald, get your butt here!!! Haha. I think I have been ranting as usual. No surprise there. I think my Econs book is beckoning me to show it some loving. Yuck. I need to go grocery shoppin tmr.

Jaks, where are you?? *muacks*
Just attempted this little "Personality Test" after seeing it on Caro's blog. I must say, results are a tad bit surprising!

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --


Friday, October 15, 2004

Questions abt YOUR guy [*taken off the Bulletin board of Friendster]

1.How well must he know you?
* Extremely well, to know that I am a pretty tough nut to handle.

2.Does looks count?
* Yes, to a certain extent. In the sense that he has to look average. Come on, I reckon that people who say looks truly do not matter are only lying to themselves.

3.Must he have an "X" factor?
* Yes. I must be drawn to him like bee to honey.

4.Drive a car or bike?
* Car. My Daddy wouldn't like me take bikes.

5. Go clubbing often?
* Definite no. However, an occasional club is fine.

6.Feel secure with him?
* Yes, crucial. How can you be with someone that you feel doesn't provide you stability?

7.Good at cracking joke?
* Preferably the dry sense of humour. I find guys who crack lame jokes plain annoying.

8.Should he be spending all his free time with you?
* Some of his free time would be nice, all? Hmmmm, that's a tad bit too much right?

9.Conservative?
* Me 4yrs ago liked the "bad boy", "I'm real cool" type of guys that like to "shoot pool arnd bars". I think age has finally caught up on me and I have mellowed. I like church going, GOD-fearing guys. Not too conservative. The image I have of "conservative" is guys who wear thick-rimmed black specs, hair parted in the centre and gelled flat down, with a shirt too small for them tightly tucked into their waist high trousers.... Hmmmm....

10.A quick thinker?
* Preferable.

11.Should he have a good sense of dressing?
* Oh yeah, SMART CASUAL! [Refer to Essential Men or Kenji Urban if you are unsure about the type of dressing]

12.Preferably what hairstyle and colour?
* Short spike. Natural hair colour.

13.Should he be making decisions all the time?
* No, I think it's crucial in a relationship that both have equal [or slightly unequal] say in matters.

14.Romantic?
* Who does not want a romantic guy?

15.Shy?
* To a certain degree, yes.

16.Hot tempered?
* I wonder what happens when 2 hot tempered people come together...

17.Loud or quiet?
* I don't like the extreme, somewhere in between will be perfect.

18.Generous or stingy?
* I wonder which girl will say stingy. It would be nice if he was generous, but it's also respectable if he is the frugal sort. BUT, he cannot be too extreme abt it. Girls like to be pampered with little gifts or a nice dining session once in a while. *hint*

19.Kind or heartless?
* Definitely KIND. I detest people who are mean and ignorant to the needy.

20.Cute or sweet?
* Can I say both? But if made to choose, sweet.

21. Vain or casual?
* Casual, but it is nice if he dresses up once in a while on special occasions.

22.Punk or hipster?
* Neither.

23.Smart or stupid?
* Average, reasonable smart.

24.Should he be the 1st one to make the move?
* Yeah, I'm the really bashful type.

25.Must he dress up all the time?
* [See above Qn 21.]

26.Should he pamper you?
* In showing affections, yeah. However, I don't expect extravegent and elaborate gifts. I adore homemade gifts as it is the time and effort that goes into it that shows his appreciation and love for me.

27.Should he be open minded with speaking?
* Yes, to a large extent.

28.Should he be well-educated?
* Preferably. Around my own education status.

29.Good looking+dumb OR ugly+intelligent
* Now, I am not going to answer this because I have no idea. Lest it happens to me in a real life scenario.

30.Possessive+faithful OR freedom+unfaithful
* Definitely the former. I am not for the idea of bigomy.

31.Childish+caring OR Mature+arrogant?
* Neither. The perfect combination will of course be mature and caring.. I do like guys who are very sensible and reasonable serious about things.

32.Should you be able to see a future ahead for for you 2?
* Definitely.

33.Do you think this kind of guy exists?
* No, because this is my "perfect" dream guy. No one fits this criteria as no one is perfect. The truly perfect guy for me will be one who is imperfect but perfect in my eyes.

34.If yes, have you met him?
* No, [see above]

35.If no, do you think u will be able to meet him?
* I will not be able to meet him, the perfect guy, but I have met MY guy who is imperfect in many respects but perfect for me.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Got my hair cut by Grace and honestly, it wasn't at all bad! Hmmm, maybe because I told her I wanted to keep the original style but chop some length off it so she cldn't have gone very wrong. I have no idea, but thank God! Or else, I will be seen donned with a cap, hat or fedora where ever I go. Jaks also had his hair done, very very cute. *winks* He passes off as a 12 year old, easily.

These few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Those whom I have shared with, confided in will know the hurt, suffering, pain and emotional damage that had been bestowed upon me which humiliated me, undermining me as a human, more imptly as a girl and most imptly, as a Christian with fundamental morals. Hence, I made the heart-wretching decision to take a temporary departure from BPCWA. These couple weeks, I have been busy trying to build back my confidence, self-respect and dignity. And I was doing fine, until another bombshell was dropped right in front of me. Nono, correction, right on me, throwing me once again into a disarray and fresh turmoil. Why God, do you have to crush everything I have built so far? I need to focus and study, not mop arnd day and night weepy and in isolation in my room, wallowing in self-pity and tears.

However, I have faith that by committing it to prayer, He will be my source of comfort and provide with the necessary strength that I need to pick myself up and heal.

My exams are rapidly advancing upon me and considering the amount of classes I have skipped [which is about 60%] I need all the time I can gather to focus and battle my books. I cannot afford to take a re-paper again, after the dramatic events that occured last semester when Legal Process and Quantum Math falling on the same day. I refuse to allow that to happen again. I refuse to fail my exams such that I be made to do a supplementary paper.

I haven't slept a wink tonight. I spent the whole day makin somethin for Jaks, which funnily enough, isn't anythin flash or somethin, but requires some painstaking effort and dainty fingers that I lack. I can't reveal what it is until later as he does frequent this blogsite! Hehe.

Hardly did anythin productive with OB [Organisational Behavior 290.135]. =( Daym that useless OB lecturer Catherine Lees. I WANT JOHN COUDREY BACK! He did such an excellent job in the 1st half the semester that we gave him a standing ovation after his last lecture. As we had studied in OB, DR CAT LEES [who resembles Ozzy Osbourne in all aspects other than her lack of those dodgy specs], with all due respects, do you know you are a DISINCENTIVE to this course, and therefore, our attitudes towards OB are NOT reinforced. Pls act as you preach about work attitudes and being punctual. Rocking up to lecture late does not set an exemplary work attitude for young, impressionable students who will enter the labour force in the near future. Please dont stutter because we do wonder how you landed this job as a lecturer and it questions our parents' "wise" decision of sending us to a "reputable" state Uni, if UWA, your employer, has poor employee selection procedures to hire such incompetent workers.

Alrighty, have ranted on long enough... Better revert my eyes back to OB. *groans*

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Just ATTEMPTED my Math mini exam. *groans* I prefer not to discuss it. *pulls a dirty face* I just realise [maybe not JUST] that there are some friends who like treating their friends like spare tyres, me being the unfortunate latter. This girl whom I am really buddy with, shall not disclose her name out of respect, she calls and msg-es me really often, as though mobile usage is free, confiding in me abt her private life when she is home alone. However, when she is in sch and with her other good friend, with me standing right beside her, she pretends I am not even there at all. Look, I give it my all in every friendship that means to me, that even means overlooking the little nitty and gritty. However, to be brushed aside as if my existence is questioned is just plain annoying and there's so much tolerance I can stretch to accommodate what sort of attitude.

I don't expect her to stop ALL other conversations just to pay attention to me. A merely "Hey, how's it goin?" to acknoweldge my presence is sufficient. Is that unreasonable? I doubt it. If you consider a friend a "good friend" as she claims to consider me, regardless of how distracted you are, you will definitely be able to muster at the very least a "Hey" when you see them. What I get annoyed about is that, when she has her other friends, she doesn't care 2 hoots about you, but the moment she is alone, she rings me like nobody's business and thinks I have all the time in the world to listen abt her woes and private life. Personally, I wouldn't mind being her listening ear at all if she doesn't give me that kind of attitude when she is in sch with her friend(s).

In my humble opinion, how you treat friends is really impt. That is a basic social, relational intelligence. Casting a friend aside when you are with your other friends is just plain insensitive and ignorant. There is no other excuse to justify it. I am a firm believer that regardless of how preoccupied you are, you are always able to muster up a "Hey!" if you see a friend who matters to you enough. [*This does nto apply to aquaintances or mere "hi-bye" friends.] I definitely wldn't snarl at her when I see her later at the 11am lecture, but I doubt I will be the usual self I am. Why be when she doesn't reciprocate that friendliness??

Sometimes, I find it challenging to accommodate my different grps of friends when they come face to face with each other. How do you divide yourself into 2 to entertain 2 friends who don't mix? Up to now, I am still tryin to figure out, so anyone with helpful suggestions can -tagg'. Cheers. However, one thing I know is that I try to my best ability not to neglect either party. I think social issues pertaining to friends are very tricky. I would use the analogy of a puppeteer tryin to control 2 puppets on either hand. He cannot neglect one at anytime or his little performance wouldn't succeed. He always has to be mindful of the other when he pays more attention to one. [I am not talking abt the manipulation of the puppet. That does NOT apply in this analogy]We have to be constantly mindful of the feelings of our friends and treat them like how we want them to treat us.

Pls -tagg' your thoughts/opinions/feedback. Thanks! Ned to hit the books now.

Another one of little me, sleepin like an angel.. Posted by Hello

Me when I was little, pouting away, Reckon I was cute and lovable? Haha... Finally managed to figure out how to scan on this! Posted by Hello

Monday, October 11, 2004

Attended a different church with my housemate Crys yesterday. It's called Riverview Church, a charismatic church. Honestly, I felt a tad uncomfortable during the Worship service. The band was loud and the open arm worship, it reminded me of the days back in St John St Margerets where youth service wkly was jammin. However, the message spoken was very aw-inspiring. The theme was on Buildin Relational Intelligence. What I liked about the speaker was that as much as the message was delivered in a Biblical context, he related all this main points [i.e. "bricks of his message"] to everyday occurances in everyone's lives and cracked alot of jokes, that were really funny. Indeed, it was a stark contrast to my time in Church in BPCWA, where services are solemn. I'm not critisizing either because I did and do ejoy worshipping and serving the Lord at BPCWA but due to circumstances have to look into other avenues of Church on a temporary basis.

One thing that I drew out of the message yesterday walked really close with my heart. Be forgiving. That was the final brick in the buildin blocks of relational intelligence. I am goin to try to pen my 2 cents worth here so forgive me if I might seem irrational or crass. Everyone at one point or another in their lives have been hurt. It could be by a partner, friend or family member. Recently, I have been burnt real bad by some accusations that undermine all my values as a girl, human and Christian. Forgiveness doesn't come easy does it? I don't bear a grudge on those pple, didn't and never will. But the damage has been done, it is irreversible. However, if we do not forgive the pple in our lives tht hurt us, we can never progress on in life. Why do we have to judge them for their sin, when God is the One that will ultimately judge them on Jugdement day? In addition, when we accepted Christ into our lives, He forgave us for ALL the sins we had committed in our lifetimes, which isn't few at all. Till now, every day, we sin and as we repent, He forgives us. If we are striving to be more "Christ-like", can we not forgive Man's one sin?

I know I have alot more to say, due to time constraint, I shan't rant on. I know it is very important to do as you preach [I really felt I was preaching there] but to forgive isn't easy at all. I need to find that open heart to be loving enough to be able to bring myself to say "Let's forget it happen." Truth is, right now, I can't forsee the day that I will say that, but nonetheless, God's grace is amazing and He may be able to bless me with that open heart.

I wanted to trim my hair today but weather isn't permitting me to leave the house. Frankly, I haven't made up my mind whether I shld, because Grace mucked up my mum's hair last semester that left my mum devastated and greatly depressed. I kinda not want that to happen to me..... Hmmm.

Oh second thoughts, I just might not.....

Sunday, October 10, 2004

: laugh . learn . love . live


DREAM IT
Imagine Inspire Involve Impart Impact

Friday, October 08, 2004

Went to the Perth Royal Show yesterday with my guy. Woah, the expenses incurred are deadly man. We pooled together $150 and almost spent it all. Entrance in itself was $18 each, plus the rides costs abt $6 per person, games $4 per game, the food and the most imptly attraction, SHOWBAGS! I know, pple back in Sgp are like, "What are showbags?" Frankly, I find it hard to describe it, but nonetheless, showbags are like those Winnie the Pooh kiddy party bags where there are all those fantastic Winnie the Pooh merchandise in it. Only difference is we have to BUY it to get it. There's everythin imagineable, Barbie to Terminator 3 to Cadbury to M&M to My Little Pony show bags. They all range frm $4 to $50. Wht ya pay is why ya get. Obviously. If ya buy a Barbie $4 show bag [which is impossible], don't expect a Barbie cap and notebook plus whtever hair accessories, you probably will only get Barbie eraser and pencil.

I, dragged my guy arnd to find a show bag tht sold jesters hat. We cldn't find one so I bought the Wonka showbag because it came with the Wonka hat, as in Willy Wonka. So cute! However, I saw the Fanta show bag tht came with the jesters hat. So happy! I wore it everywhere. We took rides and stuff, walked and walked. I had alot of fun. Thanks babes. *muacks* I am the officially the world's biggest chicken and guess wht? I have a dare devil [devil indeed! hehe] as a bf. *groans* I feel like I have let him down completely by not tkin all those heart-stopping Mega Drop, The Rage, Hanglider rides with him. Know I disappointed him =( Sorry babes, sorry I am such a schicken [I kinda like the look of this word].

It's such a pity I didn't bring my camera along or there wld have been millions of wonderful peekchers to show. The place was packed and pumping. I loooove it! We were there frm 10 to 4. I was totally bummed by then, went back to my place to nap and both of us went to the UWA Spring Fest where students set up stalls sellin food. Yum ! We blew the remaining pooled funds on food! Shaggalicious man! Forgot to mention we met up with the rest of the gang, the BPCWA UWAians, Adrian, Darrell, Merilyn, Leah and TERRY! Woohoo! Hardly saw him yesteday actually. I tell you the variation of food.. *drools* Satay, chicken rice, rojak, chin chow, bubble tea, nasi lemak, nasi brani, sushi, tea leaf egg..... My goodness, the list goes on! Fat liao, fat liao. Jaks calls me "fat cat". No surprise~! *rolls eyes* At the rate I am going...

Alrighty then, will post soon. Had an Open book exam for OB today. Mucked it up. =( Really shagged now though I took a brief nap just now. *yawn* Love ya all.

Drew: I hope you are readin this. You are not useless. Pray and have faith in the Lord. He is always faithful to you. Don't think you have not made it because God is in control. The impossible is made possible through Him. You have a wonderful support team of friends in HC tht are always encouraging you and have a caring gf. Pick yourself up, if not for yourself, but for your parents, gf and friends. Allow me to remind you that suicide is not the solution and by doin so, have violated God's Law. You will not go to heaven to see Him. God will not give you something He knows you can't handle, this is perfectly within your capacity unknown to you. Pray for strength and guidance in this time. He has a purpose for doin what He does, and He will reveal it all to you in HIS time, NOT yours. Will keep you in my prayers always.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

"To speak and act like a lawyer, as one learns at law school, is to commit oneself to a certain community and discourse, to enact a view of language and the world entails an ethics and a politics of its own, even to give oneself a certain character."

-James Boyd White, Justice as Translation, 36

Monday, October 04, 2004

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
Terry and I are fine now. *beams* Happy happy. Somethin's wrong with my blog template. Argh! Terry, help me with this! Haha. Sch starts today, I have a test tmr and on Friday. Frankly, I know nuts abt it. Seriously. This whole holiday is truly a holiday to me. Did not touch my books completely. The worse thing is tht my exams are in exactly a mths' time and they are one paper after the next. Deadly.

Shoot me.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Smart Rach. I succeeded in angerin the person tht I want to least anger. I ticked him off. I wonder if he has given up on me. I don't blame him if he doesn't know wht to do with me anymore, coz I don't know wht to do with myself.

For the 1st time in history, I ran away. Away frm my friend's 21st bday party. When Jaks and Terry tracked me, I gave them attitude. No wonder Terry can't be bothered with me anymore. I angered him. Terry, if ya're readin this, I'm so sorry. I can't even help myself now. Simply just wallowin in self pity. Drownin myself tears. Pls don't get mad at me. Ya're one of the last few pple on this planet whom I want to tick off.

Lord, I pray tonight with all my heart. I pray You will grant me strength to pull through this time when I need you the most. You say "I can do all things through You who strengthened me" Philippians 4:13. Indeed I can get through this ditch by Your grace. Lord, I pray for Terry. Bless him richly Lord as he is Your faithful servant. Thank you for ever so lovingly blessing me with him, such a wonderful friend and encouragment to me. May You watch over him always and protect him with the blood of the Lamb. In Jesus' most precious name I pray, Amen.