I meant to type in everythin tht I'm feelin into this post as I approached the comp, but now as I'm sittin here typin, I can't. I'm just abt to burst into tears as great pain and hurt is etched on my heart. It's like bein repeatedly stabbed in the wound, only tht ya don't die.

Tears are wellin up but I just need to focus a sec to get my typin right. Had coffee with my care grp last night, which is really nice. Carine, Micah, Fred, Barry, Jacob and I went for it. Since it was impromptu, so not many cld make it. Anywho, it wasn't the bondin session tht shook me up. More like my subject of interest. I simply can't type it out or explain. As mentioned in my previous entries, I know I'm nowhere as pretty as most girls arnd, but to be sort of told tht indirectly into the face by ya subj of interest isn't the most wonderful thing in the world. Stings. Cuts like a knife.

Can't go on narratin. Some of ya guys might go.. "Yah wht... wht do ya expect?" Fact is, I don't expect anythin. I chose this path to tread, regardless how terrainous it is. My own freewill, choice, my heart. Buried amidst my heart, yes, I WANT the feelins to be reciprocated, to be returned, but I can't beg it can I? My friends, twins Daph and Di, once said when I was hurtin over my godbro, "In the end, the love ya tk is equal to the love ya make." When ya think abt it, technically, tht shld be the way, but almost never is how it is.

For now, I can only treasure the times he and I have spent together. Before I fly off, I'm gonna write it all in a letter and present it to him. To, for once, tell the truth abt how I feel. He already thinks I'm pretty dodgy after some things I did yesterday. However, I'm not gonna berate on tht anymore.

Missed 4 out of 5hrs of my classes today. Cheers guys.