This is GRANDILOQUENT by Jeremy Wong
GRANDILOQUENT. Now it is to my understanding (based upon a very broad general stereotype about the target audience of this magazine if any) that the huge majority of you would not have a clue at all to what the hell this word means. Now a smaller minority could quite possibly have a smidgen of insight into what this word probably means. And then there leaves just one person, me, who will of course explain it to every single one of you who cares to learn a new word, but if you did want to learn a new word, I’m sure by now you would have consulted one of the many fine dictionaries around.
Check this out for a scenario:
You: Hey dict! I don't think we've met before, nice party eh? My name is Soh Koo Wan.
Dict: Err…Hi Soh Koo Wan…How do you know my name? (STALKER ALERT!)
You: Well it's written on your face! In BIG letters, Webford Dictionary, however, that's too long for me to say and it doesn't sound smoooooooooth enough, so dict it is!
Dict: Wow, you're very observant. (what the hell does this guy want?!)
You: I know. However, I've never met one of your kind before and I was told by our drop dead sexy host, Jeremy, to peruse you to find a word.
Dict: I KNEW IT! WHY!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GRIMY HANDS HAVE TOUCHED ME!? I'M NOT A FREAKING SLUT! EVERYDAY I’M SPREAD OPEN, CONSTANTLY FINGERED AND LEFT TO BE STARED AT. EVERY YEAR I PUT ON MORE WEIGHT JUST TO SCARE PEOPLE AWAY, BUT THEN MORE AND MORE PEOPLE JUST KEEP COMING BACK. AND AT TIMES IT'S LIKE A GIANT GANGBANG!
You: Whoa…Relax babe, I'll just go use dictionary.com then…
Dict: Don't you dare touch that cheap whore! She can't even be called cheap cause she is free pickings! Who knows what kind of internet transmitted diseases such as adware, spyware and trojans she carries, I heard when she gets done, she uses no protection…
Alright, that's enough of that rubbish scenario. I don't like dictionary.com being called a cheap whore because that is where I primarily gained inspiration for this trifling discourse. As a reminder, it is not the case that I like to frolic with cheap whores, and in fact I actually have a big fat dictionary at home called “Longman's Dictionary”. It's just that I don't need to have my ego stroked every time I consult my Longman’s dictionary, a quickie will more than suffice most of the time.
But how did this flirtation with dictionary.com came about such that I would be able to gain inspiration to write something so utterly insightful that I’ve captivated every single one of my readers in such a way that anything I write now, makes complete sense and its clarity is beyond that of a quality cut diamond and that you are now in a state of belief where you could even make reference to this article in any situations to show off your familiarity to quality modern literature.
It all began in a little attended class called “English Literature” in year 11 and 12. Now my English skill was the best of the best, it was in its own upper echelon that could only be compared with the likes of William Shakespeare, John Donne and Oscar Wilde.
A little aside here, Jane Austen was purposely not included in that list because what she is known for was writing some drivel romance novel called Pride and Prejudice that could even make Mills and Boon squirm in agony at how rubbish it was. Who cares if she defied all the patriarchal paradigms by being a writer in a time when women were objects whose sole purpose was to clean the house, fulfil their husbands sexual urges, give their husband sons, and begin the cycle again. I believe if any it supported the phallocentric norms by empowering men of that generation to linger on the possibility of embracing the characteristics of Mr. Darcy.
Back to the story, since I was already the best of the best (mind you, I have the High D's
to prove it), I still wasn't satisfied. By then I would engage dictionary.com's cousin, thesaurus.com, extensively for essays, however dictionary.com found out about our little affair, so she made an offer that I couldn't resist. I COULD SUBSCRIBE TO THE WORD OF THE DAY, and from that I could enjoy little titbits of her everyday. She would say nice words to me some days, others she makes no sense, once in a month she gets really angry, and just the few days before she gets really angry, she would be quite horny. And all these emotions can be captured in ONE WORD A DAY. WOWZERS!
She got me hooked, like a fish on a line. Wait, that was rather poor usage of a simile, someone of my calibre should create my own original simile to set me above the rest, none of the cliché crap you hear people use such as…such as… heck! Can’t think of one, guess I’m just too good for them. Anyway, dictionary.com got me hooked like Koreans to kimchi, and just like the Koreans, everyday I'll ritualistically consume my word of the day. Our relationship was fantabulous!
But unlike the Koreans who consume kimchi for breakfast, lunch and dinner for their entire lives, I began to tire of dictionary.com. Too much of a good thing I say, even if it was just one word a day, although the taste of kimchi could be questionable about its status of being a good thing in the first place. For the un-informed, kimchi is fermented cabbage with chilli powder and a whole bunch of random preservatives. Because dictionary.com started to become dull and boring, yet I couldn't draw the courage to break up with her, so I decided to ignore her for a while.
And a while later, I'm still ignoring dictionary.com. Although every once in a while I might give her some maintenance. (Actually I don't think I ever did, it was only when I was cleaning out my inbox that I would have a quick read before I delete it.)
Until today, when I decided I needed some inspiration as to how to write this article and thought, “Hey! Let me take the first word of the day and write about it!” did I finally pay attention to my beloved after more than 2 years. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder! And so this is how I ended up meandering on the word grandiloquent, which just by the way is an adjective meaning pompous, bombastic and lofty in style.
GRANDILOQUENT. Now it is to my understanding (based upon a very broad general stereotype about the target audience of this magazine if any) that the huge majority of you would not have a clue at all to what the hell this word means. Now a smaller minority could quite possibly have a smidgen of insight into what this word probably means. And then there leaves just one person, me, who will of course explain it to every single one of you who cares to learn a new word, but if you did want to learn a new word, I’m sure by now you would have consulted one of the many fine dictionaries around.
Check this out for a scenario:
You: Hey dict! I don't think we've met before, nice party eh? My name is Soh Koo Wan.
Dict: Err…Hi Soh Koo Wan…How do you know my name? (STALKER ALERT!)
You: Well it's written on your face! In BIG letters, Webford Dictionary, however, that's too long for me to say and it doesn't sound smoooooooooth enough, so dict it is!
Dict: Wow, you're very observant. (what the hell does this guy want?!)
You: I know. However, I've never met one of your kind before and I was told by our drop dead sexy host, Jeremy, to peruse you to find a word.
Dict: I KNEW IT! WHY!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GRIMY HANDS HAVE TOUCHED ME!? I'M NOT A FREAKING SLUT! EVERYDAY I’M SPREAD OPEN, CONSTANTLY FINGERED AND LEFT TO BE STARED AT. EVERY YEAR I PUT ON MORE WEIGHT JUST TO SCARE PEOPLE AWAY, BUT THEN MORE AND MORE PEOPLE JUST KEEP COMING BACK. AND AT TIMES IT'S LIKE A GIANT GANGBANG!
You: Whoa…Relax babe, I'll just go use dictionary.com then…
Dict: Don't you dare touch that cheap whore! She can't even be called cheap cause she is free pickings! Who knows what kind of internet transmitted diseases such as adware, spyware and trojans she carries, I heard when she gets done, she uses no protection…
Alright, that's enough of that rubbish scenario. I don't like dictionary.com being called a cheap whore because that is where I primarily gained inspiration for this trifling discourse. As a reminder, it is not the case that I like to frolic with cheap whores, and in fact I actually have a big fat dictionary at home called “Longman's Dictionary”. It's just that I don't need to have my ego stroked every time I consult my Longman’s dictionary, a quickie will more than suffice most of the time.
But how did this flirtation with dictionary.com came about such that I would be able to gain inspiration to write something so utterly insightful that I’ve captivated every single one of my readers in such a way that anything I write now, makes complete sense and its clarity is beyond that of a quality cut diamond and that you are now in a state of belief where you could even make reference to this article in any situations to show off your familiarity to quality modern literature.
It all began in a little attended class called “English Literature” in year 11 and 12. Now my English skill was the best of the best, it was in its own upper echelon that could only be compared with the likes of William Shakespeare, John Donne and Oscar Wilde.
A little aside here, Jane Austen was purposely not included in that list because what she is known for was writing some drivel romance novel called Pride and Prejudice that could even make Mills and Boon squirm in agony at how rubbish it was. Who cares if she defied all the patriarchal paradigms by being a writer in a time when women were objects whose sole purpose was to clean the house, fulfil their husbands sexual urges, give their husband sons, and begin the cycle again. I believe if any it supported the phallocentric norms by empowering men of that generation to linger on the possibility of embracing the characteristics of Mr. Darcy.
Back to the story, since I was already the best of the best (mind you, I have the High D's
to prove it), I still wasn't satisfied. By then I would engage dictionary.com's cousin, thesaurus.com, extensively for essays, however dictionary.com found out about our little affair, so she made an offer that I couldn't resist. I COULD SUBSCRIBE TO THE WORD OF THE DAY, and from that I could enjoy little titbits of her everyday. She would say nice words to me some days, others she makes no sense, once in a month she gets really angry, and just the few days before she gets really angry, she would be quite horny. And all these emotions can be captured in ONE WORD A DAY. WOWZERS!
She got me hooked, like a fish on a line. Wait, that was rather poor usage of a simile, someone of my calibre should create my own original simile to set me above the rest, none of the cliché crap you hear people use such as…such as… heck! Can’t think of one, guess I’m just too good for them. Anyway, dictionary.com got me hooked like Koreans to kimchi, and just like the Koreans, everyday I'll ritualistically consume my word of the day. Our relationship was fantabulous!
But unlike the Koreans who consume kimchi for breakfast, lunch and dinner for their entire lives, I began to tire of dictionary.com. Too much of a good thing I say, even if it was just one word a day, although the taste of kimchi could be questionable about its status of being a good thing in the first place. For the un-informed, kimchi is fermented cabbage with chilli powder and a whole bunch of random preservatives. Because dictionary.com started to become dull and boring, yet I couldn't draw the courage to break up with her, so I decided to ignore her for a while.
And a while later, I'm still ignoring dictionary.com. Although every once in a while I might give her some maintenance. (Actually I don't think I ever did, it was only when I was cleaning out my inbox that I would have a quick read before I delete it.)
Until today, when I decided I needed some inspiration as to how to write this article and thought, “Hey! Let me take the first word of the day and write about it!” did I finally pay attention to my beloved after more than 2 years. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder! And so this is how I ended up meandering on the word grandiloquent, which just by the way is an adjective meaning pompous, bombastic and lofty in style.
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12:15 AM
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