there's so much stuff going on in my head right now. it's like clouding my judgment, thoughts and affecting my studies.
saturday was wild. it was also annoying. met up with nick tan (from singapore) for some drinks. haha, some of you will know the LOOOOOOONG history nick and i have, which isn't a pretty one. amy and esther ended up coming along (long story behind it). it was fine amy was coming along, i have nothing against her. DUH. she is my drinking buddy man! but esther... i wasn't so sure. we ended up at the mustang drinking. i think i have stressed this on my blog over and over again: DO NOT DRINK SIMPLY TO MATCH OTHER PEOPLE. KNOW YOUR OWN LIMIT. i hate it when people drink for the sake of showing off or not wanting to lose out. obviously esther didn't know her limit. she ended up spewing on my jacket and blah blah blah. then blaming it on other people blah blah blah. ticked me off so bad.
next, she didn't bring her ID and we couldn't get anywhere. given that she was dressed so singaporean (tee + jeans) and barely look a day over 15, our movements were severely restricted. to cut the long story short, she spewed again in nick's car and ended up flat out on the road 2 roads from my house. and ended up crashing at my place. what a killjoy. but i had my fun when i sculled a double shot submarine - 1 pint of beer with 2 tequila shots dunked it. daim, that's some potent crap. oh, and thank GOD for amy who has been such an angel/star for helping me take care of esther.
as for J and i. things have gone downhill. looking at it from a Christianity context, maybe it's not God's will after all. He still likes this girl from ages ago... and just sort of realise it again. don't ask me who she is. Ignorance is bliss. while my curiosity might eventually kill me, temporal igorance is bliss. kiasu and mimi reckons he is undecided and confused. in all honesty, i don't think it's the case. i think he knows what he wants and it isn't me. that's the blunt truth. i cannot run away or kid myself... maybe next time things may change, i don't know. i don't hope. i never dare to. hope -> expectations -> when not materialised -> tenfold whammy hurt.
what really hurts though is that he acts like nothing has happened. or/and.... the manner in which he approaches things now. maybe its just me being over-sensitive. for example, yesterday i decided to meet mimi at the bio science library in the arvo, HOPING to get some work done. the moment i walked in, i saw him. like if you guys have been following this useless ranting blog for long enough, you'll know the bio sciences libary is my old stomping ground, back in the days when i use to stay with crys. i use to frequent there day and night because it's a couple hops from where i stay. just that ever since i've moved out, the reid seems more convenient and i hardly returned back to the bio science libraryy.
so J and i have been joking with each other for awhile now that we're stalking one another because of the frequency we bump into each other. but yesterday, he looked at me and asked "why are you stalking me". no smiles, no laughter. and then added "stalker" in front of all his 4 friends. with contempt, with intent. i myself had stopped dead in my tracks when i saw him and face paled. i didn't want to see him. not after that "girl he likes" and "what we should do next" incident. did he honestly think i wanted to follow/trace his movements? hell no. i just didn't want to see him. period. i didn't know what to say and just mutely walk up the to the next floor.
i don't understand. i just don't. how we got to where we are. awkward, intense and if possible, negligable contact. maybe it's just a "rach" thing, as mimi puts it. i am always 2nd best if not never an option. to me, 2nd best is just as good as being last.
GOD has made His stand and closed the door.
saturday was wild. it was also annoying. met up with nick tan (from singapore) for some drinks. haha, some of you will know the LOOOOOOONG history nick and i have, which isn't a pretty one. amy and esther ended up coming along (long story behind it). it was fine amy was coming along, i have nothing against her. DUH. she is my drinking buddy man! but esther... i wasn't so sure. we ended up at the mustang drinking. i think i have stressed this on my blog over and over again: DO NOT DRINK SIMPLY TO MATCH OTHER PEOPLE. KNOW YOUR OWN LIMIT. i hate it when people drink for the sake of showing off or not wanting to lose out. obviously esther didn't know her limit. she ended up spewing on my jacket and blah blah blah. then blaming it on other people blah blah blah. ticked me off so bad.
next, she didn't bring her ID and we couldn't get anywhere. given that she was dressed so singaporean (tee + jeans) and barely look a day over 15, our movements were severely restricted. to cut the long story short, she spewed again in nick's car and ended up flat out on the road 2 roads from my house. and ended up crashing at my place. what a killjoy. but i had my fun when i sculled a double shot submarine - 1 pint of beer with 2 tequila shots dunked it. daim, that's some potent crap. oh, and thank GOD for amy who has been such an angel/star for helping me take care of esther.
as for J and i. things have gone downhill. looking at it from a Christianity context, maybe it's not God's will after all. He still likes this girl from ages ago... and just sort of realise it again. don't ask me who she is. Ignorance is bliss. while my curiosity might eventually kill me, temporal igorance is bliss. kiasu and mimi reckons he is undecided and confused. in all honesty, i don't think it's the case. i think he knows what he wants and it isn't me. that's the blunt truth. i cannot run away or kid myself... maybe next time things may change, i don't know. i don't hope. i never dare to. hope -> expectations -> when not materialised -> tenfold whammy hurt.
what really hurts though is that he acts like nothing has happened. or/and.... the manner in which he approaches things now. maybe its just me being over-sensitive. for example, yesterday i decided to meet mimi at the bio science library in the arvo, HOPING to get some work done. the moment i walked in, i saw him. like if you guys have been following this useless ranting blog for long enough, you'll know the bio sciences libary is my old stomping ground, back in the days when i use to stay with crys. i use to frequent there day and night because it's a couple hops from where i stay. just that ever since i've moved out, the reid seems more convenient and i hardly returned back to the bio science libraryy.
so J and i have been joking with each other for awhile now that we're stalking one another because of the frequency we bump into each other. but yesterday, he looked at me and asked "why are you stalking me". no smiles, no laughter. and then added "stalker" in front of all his 4 friends. with contempt, with intent. i myself had stopped dead in my tracks when i saw him and face paled. i didn't want to see him. not after that "girl he likes" and "what we should do next" incident. did he honestly think i wanted to follow/trace his movements? hell no. i just didn't want to see him. period. i didn't know what to say and just mutely walk up the to the next floor.
i don't understand. i just don't. how we got to where we are. awkward, intense and if possible, negligable contact. maybe it's just a "rach" thing, as mimi puts it. i am always 2nd best if not never an option. to me, 2nd best is just as good as being last.
GOD has made His stand and closed the door.
posted by princess rach at
5:19 PM
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