indeed the bitter truth is always the hardest pill to swallow. so people, esp friends, always end up beating around the mulberry bush before eventually getting to the point. i, for one, have always prided myself in being someone who tells it like it is. and to have very close friends who are as blunt as my nose can be a double edge sword. but i choose to see it as a blessing.

i am gonna share something really personal. although it may put me in an extremely negative light, i don't bother. blogs are not just meant to highlight how pretty, smart, capable or wonderful someone really is, but rather it is an insight to an individual's life, the good and the bad to give the writer a balance in personality.

today mark and jeff shared with me, individually, that they didn't like the way i was coping with my problems/grief. the overloading, the breakdown, the kaypo-ness of meddling with other people's problems and then burdening myself with it. the end result is me breaking down in the past year- the gambling, going missing, crying my eyes/lungs/heart out over some guy and the binge drinking. they were extremely worried about me and it pained them to see me like that. they want me to be happy, not to sweat on petty things (and i shouldn't pet sweaty things either. sidelined.).

both mean well and there is no anger at all on my part. if anything, it makes me treasure, respect and love them even more. i feel like sharing with everyone what mark shared with me (as he was more toned down) because i believe everyone can learn something from it. he committed alot of honesty and wisdom on life's lessons into the conversation (or lecture). i hope you don't mind, without me asking, bro.

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"whatever happens in life, life goes on. your whole world does not just stop there and then. when the tsnami came, it washed away everything. family, a house, a home, farms... a country. but there, life still goes on. you got to work and rebuild your life back. it is something that must be done, there is no compromise about it. businesses fail - but we still have to carry on. i can say, that there is nothing in this world that can happen, and we can say 'shucks it's checkmate for me' because this is something that we have been doing, nothing new. sure, it's hell tiring but no one ever said life was easy.

what your friends will do is help you along the way, someday they get tired too and hopefully you can piggyback them. but you cannot walk the distance for them. somewhat like i cannot sit the exams for you [like what my mum always use to say]. there will be people along the way to perk you up but at the end of the day, you got to go through it.

shit happens throughout life. when people die and pastors say "you should be comforted that the person is no longer suffering on earth", it is indeed very true.

you can put yourself in my shoes. someone gave you something you wished for. whether or not you want to disappoint the person or not, its up to you. but i make it my personal goal to be the best that i set myself to be. what i want, i will get. call me spoilt, but i achieve everything through my own efforts, blessed with the gifts and opportunities i am given along the way which are major bonuses.

we all have to balance, work hard and play hard. this makes life more meaningful. there are alot of things beyond our control but these are the ones, all the more, you MUST get past them. you like someone but he doesn't like you back, too bad. get over it. lousy job or lousy boss? you either work it out or find another job. life goes on.

don't let the little things along the way change your goals and plans. as some say (and i believe), these are little tests from God. take them as little thorns on the roses. you must NOT stray from your path still. when things overwhelm, get out, get away. when things neutralizes, then come back and face them. we cannot face everything all at once, we are only human. just go through one thing at a time and worry when we should. there is only one way to it. that way, we can get past our problems, learn and move on."
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truth in every word. mark and jeff - they are soft, yet firm. they love but they tell it like it is. they laugh with me but they share with me things that they have learnt the hard way. the joy, the tears, they have seen it all. respect is not freely given but earned. they have my utmost respect and love. their kindness and love for me, i can never repay. i am indebted to them a lifetime. i will not let you boys down, here is my promise.

*if you wonder why we brought up such a topic, continue wondering. you'll know why in due time.