been so self-absorbed and consumed with my own problems, which seem like they are neverendingly increasing. there's alot to rant about but there's also none to discuss about. some are just too personal, too destructive to blog about. it will change the way you look at me. i think i have enough self-pity to last my remaining lifetime, i need not collect more.

i've become an insomniac, too many things going round in my head, driving me insane, ever so gradually. so i decided to change my blogg skin. it is kinda 'me' but yet, i'm not like crazyy about it. it's rad but maybe a lil too young for me. however, since time wasn't of the essence, i just decided that burning time on trying to edit someone else's html code was rather worthwhile. credit goes to bananapancakes, who does happen to be my SC junior i realise.

my time in singapore is coming to an end. in a couple more days, i'll be leaving on a jet plane, fully aware that every circumstance around has changed. and as usual, powerless to do anything about it. i hate that feeling. i hate all the animosity in the air, the icy tension, the tandrums, the guilt i am made to feel for every slightest thing. i've done no wrong, i've hurt no one. why, as mark says, why does everyone treat me so meanly? am i unreasonable? i don't think so. sighs.

i don't wanna go back to perth. i don't want spend 3 weeks and chinese new year all by myself. i don't want to go back thinking what is gonna happen in singapore. will i still have a mum when i come back? i don't wanna worry about my life there, and the lives back here. i don't wanna worry about my overloading. i don't go insane trying to cope with the ridiculous workload.

all i want is peace, love and companionship. none of which i have right now. i want to thank my very close friends who have been here in my recent grief - xing, jeff, mark and queenin. i cannot express the gratitude, love and appreciation i have for you. thank you.

to avoid ending on an uttermost self-wallowing note, congrats to amy who has recently become 'mrs krokene' (did i spell that right?) see, not everyone's love life is as terok or non-existent as mine. and oh yes, in true blue rach fashion, she once again crushes on a boy who has boyfriends.