Monday, April 30, 2007

don't tell me "despite all the rage, i am still just a rat trapped in a cage" you blame me for everything that went wrong, said i was the source of all problems and you are going to take a really long time to adjust.

you think its all about you huh. your happiness, your privacy, your space. well, the fucking world does not revolve entirely around you. your pretty face, is just a cover up for what an ugly soul you are. you think you are faultless.

people make mistakes, nick. just because you think you are in the right and others are wrong doesn't give you the authority to be condesending. you use condescending language upon me. what? on what grounds? that you're smarter than me (ri, rjc)? that you're handsome and i'm fat and pudgy? at least i know i am worth alot more on the inside than outside.

mark is right. your ego is bigger than your dick. damn. it doesn't take very much for your ego to be bigger anyway. you whinge about how you are so scared of going to the gym because everytime you go there, you get checked out by gays. you know what, you aren't all that. you give yourself more credit than you actually deserve. don't think you have it all ok because before you know it, what was given to you will be taken away.

i was blinded by your charm. sucked in by your boyish good looks and 'easy going nature'. yes, not very smart of me isn't it. but let me tell you something, naive and as unintelligent as i am, you aren't very much better. you think you're smart. frankly, your argumentative skills are substandard. you cannot even substantiate your points with evidence and you barely have any supportive structure.

for example when i questioned you if you liked the perfume i got for you as a belated birthday present. you said it was fine. i asked if you liked it or not coz i was worried its not your type of thing and if so, i'll change it. you shot back at me and said "what do you want me to say? i dont overreact to things i like or dislike". oh nick. don't you realise. telling someone you like or dislike something is totally different from overreaction. you can tell me you like it and thats a normal reaction. telling me you don't, is the same. overreaction is when you run around the house, with your arms flailing all around you screaming you love/hate it before dousing yourself or the cat in it. where is your sense of comparison?

rule no. 1, nick. when you wanna pick a bone with someone, you better have some damn good reason to. don't think you have the upper hand because of your looks, appearance of intelligence. because when you actually get into an argument, it suddenly becomes apparent how incompetent you really are. don't even talk about me. if you were pitted against jem, his sharp tongue will have squashed you like a prata in 5 minutes. so what if you were from ri, rjc and jem from some public school. wit is what is within you. and you, unfortunately, lack that gift.

you think that by adopting the harshest words that you will gain the upper hand. wrong. it just shows your insensitivity and your lack of maturity. yes, harsh words cut deep, they are still ringing in my ears. but what for? whatever you said was uncalled for. "there's a reason why my BESTIE is my BESTIE, my close friends are my close friends and the others, just friends. they know how to deal with my emotional side, they give me what i require, not what i seek". what do you seek nick. a blowjob?

thinking you are some poetic writer doesn't make you all that great. what the hell do you do it? you know why... i think its because you think its cool. calling your computer "tainted elf", your C: drive "the black box", you ipod "pandora's box", your msn nickname "karma killer"? why? all in the name of being cool and different. you try so hard to be different/cool. to think you will standout. well let me tell you, being different in a cool way comes from within. you should know. you watched happy feet yesterday. coolness stems from being 'accidentally cool'. being 'intentionally cool' doesn't earn you the respect of people who see through you.

yes, its true. we barely knew each other and jumped into it. i took a leap of faith, challenged myself to adjust and be a good housemate. i won't deny you all credit. you probably tried to. and you know, while it lasted, it was good. i wouldn't deny. it was pretty damn good when it lasted.

but don't go telling me you will wait for it to blow over and move on when you clearly want to remain at the 'torturing/tormenting me' phase. because it's no longer hurt i feel. i feel betrayed, vindicated and immense disappointment. in you. in myself.

as it goes, everything is good when its just for awhile, isn't it.

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