And sometimes if I close my eyes,

I can see, another place and time....

indeed. how apt. been reminising alot. i realise, sadly, that i have been living in the past. don't get me wrong, it's not as if i do no want to move forward. fact is, i want to. to the point of going to great lengths to convince everyone else around me that i am looking forward, everyone else but myself. whenever i walk along matilda bay, my mind starts wondering...... why, where, how? all these questions, left unanswered. ironically, i don't want answers. perhaps these are just merely rhetoricals, but why are we the way we are today, i don't know. i know we can never return to the past, to the time when the world was only yours and mine, so i thought. of course the world never belonged to us, but it use to feel that way then.

i wonder if why i am feeling the way i do today is because of retribution. i'm not really into the whole philosophy of it, but rather, i do believe in don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you. i'd done great wrong and needless to say, am ashamed of it. but if i had a choice, i wldn't have. now, some people will tell me i did have a choice but chose to ignore the other option...... but i find myself being defensive here - i still believe that up today, i did try my best in all my power to not allow it to happen. but it did. i fell for you. despite it being wrong. and i knew it.

how can you fall in love with someone in just a minute, and not get out from it for a lifetime? i don't think i have lived long enough to answer that question. just about when i am 80, i'll answer it. for now, i'm still stuck in that time warp. i know i'd get out of it, eventually and stop living the fantasy that i have been in, but for now..... nothing changes. listening to DJ Samm's Heaven on amy's playlist "baby you're all that i want, when you're lying here in my arms. i'm finding it hard to believe, we're in heaven. love is all that i need and i found it there in your heart. it isn't too hard to see we're in a heaven." sweet. "nothing can change what you mean to me." indeed.