Jaks told me not along that uni offers are out on the net. He seemed really excited and I thought, oh my goodness, he's going to sch with me next semester. Then he said "I got my 2nd uni preference" My brain froze. 2nd preference? It doesn't sound right.... and indeed, it wasn't. He got into Curtin. I know that as a good girlfriend, I shld be jumping arnd, sharing the joy but maybe I just am not a good girlfriend. I was disappointed.

All my life, I dream that my guy will rock up to sch with me, attend the same classes as me (if he is in the same faculty) or meet me in between classes. Travelling inter-varsities isn't my thing. Unless it was back in the days of SCGS where there simply weren't any guys to date in sch. I hoped and I prayed he wld get into UWA. It made it alot easier to tell my Mum that too. He doesn't understand the sch reputation culture in Sgp. I came frm prestigous sch, snooty ones for that matter. I was brought up by my parents to mix with the same, occasional socialising with the neighbourhood pple was OK, but not encouraged. I remember what my Mum said "If you mix with pple that are above average (in terms of IQ), your grades will improve. I guess to a certain extent, it is indeed proven true. But I still don't whole heartedly agree.

Jaks doesn't understand this. He grew up in Australia and attended public schs and TAFE (Poly equivalent). I respect him just the same, no less. But my Mum scoffed at TAFE. [My parents were personally horrified when I wanted to go to Poly after my 'O's] Now, I can't help but wonder in many ways how he cld have things differently to get into UWA. Readers wld be disugsted at me, I know. But I realise one thing, as much as YOU are the person marrying the guy, parents approval is crucial. And I really just ain't sure if Curtin meets the cut. I don't know.

All my life, I set myself goals to meet. And I have never failed any of them. In Pri 6, PSLE, I studied to get into SCGS, I made it. In SCGS, I aimed (intially) to get good enough grades to get into SAJC, I did meet the cut. In college, the highlight of my success, I aimed to get into the toughest course in Perth and I did it. Thank GOD. I have never failed myself in these hurdles in my life. Call me competitive, judgemental or whtever, my parents always said, you don't need to find a brillant/filthy rich guy to marry (though they wld be more than happy) but someone who is like you, qualifications of the same recognition as you. Someone with less will be jealous and someone with more will look down on you. I don't believe in it but I listened anyway, keeping an open mind.

I'm quite messed up now. I know I am reacting in EVERY WAY I shldn't be, I don't know.